I am relatively new at my job been here 12 weeks (i'm the only new starter) Im 24 male There is a guy that brings our stationary to the office and he makes jokes about me being quiet to the girl that sits near me. He also says stuff directly to me like "you don't say much do you?" and i'm just extremely embarrased and angry. Anyway it just happened again. Like i'm new why didn't he introduce himself to me or somthing? i personally think he's a pervert as he always goes directly to the girl near me with massive boobs. Its like he expects me to jump in his conversations with her? I always mind my business. Im sociable and in past jobs have helped new starters and given them encouragement. But the girl who sits just one desk away is supposed to be my collegue, but she just laughs with him and didn't even stick up for me by saying im new. He even makes silent gestures to her about me and whistles. God I swear this guy im guna punch him next time. What should I do? Report him? Help!
2006-12-17 23:08:43 · 21 answers · asked by wragster 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
@ char char thanks, Yes the guy does work here. its all one big building with everything- I don't know where he sits, but he comes about 3 times a day on average.
He's never like this when my boss is here. (there are 3 of us in total in this office- me boss and Nic-the girl)
2006-12-18 00:11:03 · update #1
Oh and for measure. The guy is around 56 years old and the girl is 22. She is all bubbly with everyone else apart from me. i am not unsociable- I have tried having conversations with her on multiple occassion- she doesn't even turn to face me when i'm trying to have a face to face conversation with her- just has her back to me. Now I can't even bring myself to ask how her weekend was- as she just murmers ok and NEVER returns a question my way- she's one of those people that are only interested in themselves and not others. I really really hate her ignorance towards me- never said a nice thing to me since i've started. huffs and puffs if I ask for help and she makes me feel like sh!t for asking for help. man o man i'm getting so annoyed with this! But i need the money and it has good career prospects
2006-12-18 00:21:28 · update #2
Oh, I recognise this situation only too well - not only my workmates but my own relatives have done that to me for years! I understand the anger and embarrassment you feel; it is as though you are easy prey for their low self esteem and you feel as though you are not being respected.
Recently I went to counselling for this and I have been helped to see why people choose me (I am pleasant, quiet and self-deprecating - almost inviting others to mock me). I was also given the tools to help cope with the situation and to help me change my own behaviour.
If you want people to treat you with respect, you have to get them to take you seriously. On no account laugh or join in with their jokes about you; say quite clearly (perhaps with a non-hostile smile on your face) that you will be happy to join in with their conversation whenever they decide to talk about something other than you; use a little irony and sarcasm as you see fit but continue to look pleasant and approachable; I would not report the guy to your boss until all other strategies have failed as that may be further material for mockery.
One tactic I have seen a colleague use to great effect in a similar situation is to look directly at the speaker, quite calmly and placidly, and say absolutely nothing - do not respond to questions or show any annoyance whatsoever. The tilt of your head should indicate you are mildly curious but you should show no emotion. The effect is quite dramatic as the challenger witll always back off. Then carry on with your work as usual. In this way you have neither complied with their unacceptable behaviour nor increased hostility.
I wish you all the best with this!
2006-12-18 00:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think he is bullying you, it sounds to me like he is trying to be the center of attention. Maybe it's the only way he can get the girl to notice him. She is probably so use to him, she just goes along so he will go away. I think you must loosen up a little if you don't want to be miserable in your job. Maybe he doesn't know how to make friends subtly and he is trying to hard which makes him look like a jerk.
I'm just saying you have a choice of playing along by chuckling every now and then just so he will go away and you will look mature to your co-workers or you can stay irritated and seem unfriendly & hard to get along with & your co-workers will not be comfortable around you either. Give it time, but don't punch the guy, you will appear to be the bigger jerk!!!!!
He does not even work there, he is just a delivery boy for goodness sake. He will be in & out in no time. Eventually after you've been there for years he might be a good laugh & break up the monotany. Who knows you might feel comfortable enough to make jokes at him and everybody will be happy and get along. Wouldn't that be a better work environment?
2006-12-17 23:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar issue when I started my new job. Its hard when you first start work somewhere, you want to familiarise yourself with the people you work with and get used to your surroundings before "coming out of your shell" a bit. People kept saying things to me like "Are you shy?" What kind of a question is that? I always quite boldly replied "No, not at all, I can tell you're not either!" So next time this pratt comes in and says something to you, make sure you put him in his place. He quite clearly fancies your colleague and by putting you down, its a way of making himself feel better so he looks good in front of her. Pathetic really. She doesn't want to defend you because she's loving the attention from him! Next time he comes in, surprise him by saying "Hi mate, you alright?" Have a conversation with him! Then he'll have to think of something knew to "impress" your colleague. If you were feeling really daring, you could belittle him by telling him he got your stationary order wrong (even if he didn't) or ask him if delivering stationary pays well?! (I assume this isn't his only job so it will make him look stupid) More importantly than anything, just ignore him. He's obviously insecure and sad if he has to belittle others to make himself look good. Just be yourself in your own time. Good luck anyway!
2006-12-17 23:47:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. They are just not showing enough respect to other people. Some people just 'despise' new comers because they think they know more. Do not be afraid of making your point over. You have every right to do it.
Next time when he comes around and says the same thing, say something like 'did I say anything that upset you?' etc.. It doesn't have to be aggressive, but enough to let him know you are making yourself known and you are not happy about his comments.
May be they think you are relatively young, and so are less sensitive to your feelings.
you seem to be quite upset by this. If it keeps on flashing back, it might be wise to have a word with your manager when you have your one-to-one meeting. Make it soft, e.g. ohh, by the way, I'm not sure if I have done something that upset xxx, cos he.....
Also, do not let him down - show your ability and potential. When you have enough backup from him workwise, nobody will make comments on you.
All the very best to your new job, and have a good xmas.
2006-12-17 23:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by Ruth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not convinced that this constitutes bullying. It's quite normal for people to chat to the people they are already familiar with. Why don't you introduce yourself, or say something jokey back next time he takes the p*ss out of you for being quiet? Maybe he IS expecting you to say something - if he's just delivering stuff then it's your turf, not his, and he may feel uncomfortable too.
And yes, perhaps he chats to the girl with the big jugs because he fancies her, or maybe because it gives him the chance to sneak a peak at her cleavage. The other girl doesn't have a responsibility to bring you into the conversation. At 24 you shouldn't need mothering in the workplace.
2006-12-17 23:16:13 · answer #5 · answered by onefishtwofish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
believe me ,there is a bully in most work places!And that's from experience I'm talking.he sounds like he has low self esteem and needs to pick on you to make himself feel better.Your the new boy so your an easy target to him.maybe he also fancies the girl with the big boobies!!And it makes him look good to out someone else down in front of her.maybe,if this continues then have a quiet word with the boss and see if he notices anything about this guys behaviour around you.Keep your chin,these knobs are all over the place!I'm 31 and I still get targeted by people.even the kiddies of the work place!
2006-12-17 23:28:22 · answer #6 · answered by pinkydinkydoo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This kind of attitude is usually a cover for a massive inferiority complex. Above all you mustn't show that you are annoyed - it will make him do it all the more. Just smile, or make a jokey reply such as 'I don't believe in talking just for the sake of it'. Then you could add 'By the way, I'm Bob - what do they call you?' Appear confident and in control - even if you don't feel it! Good luck!
2006-12-17 23:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by mad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People like him love conflict, so don't give him the pleasure! Leave it for now, and just ignore him. Your collegue's will soon see you for the man you are, and make their own judgements. Those that side with this guy are probably just as empty headed as he is. Don't rise to the bait .... just be yourself and don't let him intimidate you. If you do feel things are getting worse, for sure go and report it to someone in authority. You have as much right as anyone else there, to respect!
2006-12-17 23:17:37 · answer #8 · answered by lynne 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
isn't it a shame that girls human beings consistently fall for adult males who manage them badly and who do no longer relatively care approximately them. The act of marrying somebody for money is extremely frowned upon. yet I see no longer something incorrect with it. this is the comparable as marrying somebody via fact they are bodily eye-catching. If it is the form if dating you elect, then decide for it. Or watch for somebody you connect with mentally and emotionally and keep that $4 hundred a month and purchase her an engagement ring. suitable of success chum. Btw you're like a stable 7/10
2016-12-15 03:26:49 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not bullying.
All he is doing is being a man. Joking away with a good looking girl, and your the ice braker. he can poke fun at you to get girl to laugh.
Stick up for yourself. Have a stern word for him. Tell him you have no want to talk to him, So he can ignore you on way in and way out.
Come out your shell, talk to this girl, a little confidence is a wonderful thing.
2006-12-17 23:18:03 · answer #10 · answered by chris s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋