After 9 months of intimacy with my gf, now no more till were married?

Question

My gf and I have been together for almost a year now. We started being intimate after the 1st month, and have been intimate on a regular bases ever since. Two months ago, and after 9 months of having sex, now she says we can't have sex anymore until we get married. She feels that spiritually, it is wrong and that love will get us through this. I love my gf very much, but not a day goes by where i'm not upset by this decision in which i didn't get a say so in it. She always asks me to massage her back / shoulders and feet, almost every night, and I do. Am I wrong in thinking WTF? Here I am doing what "you" want, but I want a little intimacy and I'm screwed till were married? Am I being selfish about this? I don't believe in cheating, and I don't want to break up with her over this either. But at the same time, i'm becoming very sexually frustrated, and her only advice she gave me was bascially, to go play with myself.

Answer 1

I think she is selfish because this decision should be made by the 2 of you. But you should talk to her to find out the real reasons behind her decision.

Answer 2

What I'm going to is kinda contradictory. If that's what she believes spiritually then if you truly love her then you can get through it. However that doesn't mean you have to give in to what she wants like massages etc, particularly if those things make you want sex more ya know? I mean your only real options are break up now or wait it out till marriage. You could always just go ahead and get married soon, but if you don't feel like that's an option breaking up is probably best. That way you can find somebody to give you what you want and she won't be with somebody wanting something she won't give.

Answer 3

You are mistaken if you believe that you have no say in this. You are staying in the relationship under her rules because you choose to.
I support her decision to abstain from sex until marriage, but she is the one who changed the rules of engagement. So you do have the absolute right to walk away if you wish.
I said I support her decision because she does have the right to decide when, where, & who she has sex with. But I can't help but think that she was only comming across with the deed for as long as she felt was necessary to get you on the hook as a fiance, & the she pulled the plug.
That is very manipulative of her, & I don't blame you one bit for being angry if it's for that reason.
If she used sex as a method of controlling you before, then she will do it again whether you are married or not.
So you must ask yourself, "Is this the kind of woman I want as a lifetime partner?"
If you broke up with her, would it be over sex, or would it be over her using sex as a tool to control you, & forcing you to promise to marry her.
I can totally understand any woman who says that she's not going to give away the milk until you've bought the cow. But her methods are similar to the drug pusher, who gives you enough of a taste to get you hooked, & then after that you start to pay, & pay, & pay.
Get what I mean?

Answer 4

I think she's nuts. Did she want to stop having sex with you when you decided to get married? Like she will feel like a virgin on your wedding night? How her spirituality deems it wrong to have the physical intimacy of the man she loves locked in closet is beyond Me!. If she wants a massage, tell her to go to a masseuse. Tell her not to show her body to you. Tell her that if you start playing with yourself, you might end up liking it better.

What comes through is that she sound so self-righteous and not caring. Your feelings and opinions obviously don't matter. These are serious red flags.

Answer 5

She's using sex as something she 'gives you' or 'withholds' from you.
To test your loyalty to her, in this case.

What that really means is no more sex AFTER you're married. (Once she has what she wants, and no longer needs to use it as a bargaining tool.)

Well, ok, maybe. But not until you do the dishes and take her shopping.

It may be that she has no sexual interest in sex, she just sees it as a means to an end. This is true of a disturbing percentage of women.
I think she's lying to you about the "spiritual" thing, I think she's lying to you about other aspects of herself too, I think she's probably a vile succubus who will take over your life and make it miserable the moment you put a ring on her finger. You should dump her, let her believe that you were just in it for the sex, and find a nice honest sex-positive girl who is not going to play control games with you.

Answer 6

guess what
she will use that no sex as a weapon in the future to manipulate you
for whatever she wants
and you will cave in to it every single time because of it
this is common
as is getting "spiritual"
after a while sex for her will only be when she wants it ( assuming your dumb enough to marry her ) and only under the right conditions ( most likely she want a to be wined and dined )
eventually you'll end up cheating ( as what usually happens to frigid women ), she catch you, take you to court.. and then that sweet spiritual saint of women you marry will get the shark of a female divorce lawyer in front of a women judge ( who herself is probaly been divorced ) and will rip you a new one..
and you go on think what happened..
well you little head was thinking for the other little head
when all along you should have DTB ( Dumped That.... ) and found a women who will give of her self sexually freely ( and trust me they are plenty out there ) even if not married or up to the day she gets married.

it's your choice

you have been warned

Answer 7

It's not fair of her to cut you off like that.

You have every right to get some action somewhere else.

My question is: what is SHE doing for sexual satisfaction?
I mean, one doesn't just supress those urges like that!

It actually sounds like she is pressuring the marriage thing---which is WRONG and I hope you don't go for it!
Or maybe she just doesn't like sex.

Let her know that your love for her is strong; but so is your NEED for sex!
If she still won't give it up, then ask her permission to have non-commital sex with other women.
If that doesn't shake her to her senses, then consider yourself lucky for realizing what a psycho she is now and move on!

Answer 8

who knows how ong she'll stay liek this...maybe shes just "testing you" maybe sehe feels liek that all you guys were doign and that you didnt care for her as a person/ the emotional side of things. You shoudl talk to her. i was sorta like this with my bf. i dindt think of the spiritual things. but we were doing stuff and one day i jst decided :hey maybe s=we shoudl continue this when we're married" but i gave in within a month..lol she maydo the same. but the only thing you can do is to talk to her. you arent being selfish it is a very nice thing to have in a relationship. but to cut it off complelety is alittle much. maybe talk to her abouth doing everythign BUT sex. and see ow she feels about that. but you can only talk to her fro now. you both need to make compromises of what you think. you both need to make sacrafices. noone can always get their way. and she is showign shes gettign her way. i think it is great that you are respecting her decision so far. but just talk to her and make compromises with eachother and see how thigns work out
good luck =)

Answer 9

I THINK THAT IF THAT BOTH OF YOU WERE LOOKING THAT
GOOD BUT TO START SOMETHING THEN TO CUT IT OFF
IS NOT GOOD, YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER AND LET HER
KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS. THIS SHOULD BEEN
SOMETHING BOTH OF YOU DECIDE. AND FOR THE LITTLE
EXTRA THAT YOU ARE DOING FOR HER, STOP DOING
IT FOR HER. THEN SHE WILL SEE WHAT HOW YOU FEEL
BUT DONT GIVE UP THE RELATIONSHIP BUT BOTH OF
YOU NEED TO REALLY LOOK AT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
IF THIS IS GOOD FIX THEN FIND. BUT IF YOU ARE GETTING
]MARRIED ANY TIME SOON. AS FOR HER IDEA. ABOUT YOUR
SELF THAT WAS VERY DISRESPECT.. BUT IF THIS BECOME
A MAJOR PROBLEM THEN DONT CHEAT ON HER, TIME
TO LEAVE IT ALONG.

Answer 10

Maybe she wants your wedding night to seem really special and she's trying to build up your anticipation for it, instead of it just another night, which is how it might seem if she hadn't made that decision. Talk to her. If you can't communicate now, chances are, your marriage will fail.