Raising Children Secular?

Question

I have a daughter who will be 2 in February. My husband and I were both raised protestant, but for a variety of reasons, we don't feel comfortable raising her in a church setting. We would like to raise her secularly. I have been looking into Secular Humanism but so far have found the attitudes in these circles to have some of the same characteristics that have turned me off to religion: The crazy "I'm right-- I can't even believe that you believe something else... are you stupid?" attitude.

I would like to become more exposed to some of the eastern philosphies, but really have no idea where to start. I would love some feedback from people who have raised their children outside of the church (on purpose). What types of challenges have you had? Thoughts in general.

Thank you to the person who sent the article on raising a child with values. That is my goal, you don't have to go to church to be a moral and good person.

As for eastern religions, there is always something to learn from other belief systems. Its important to get other points of view. There are lessons to be learned from all people of faith, whether they come from your belief system or not. The question is for people who have raised their children secularly, not people who want to convince me to go to church. That is fine for some and I think that is great. Church has a great sense of community, its just not how my husband and I want to raise our daughter. We want her to be tolerant, have critical thinking skills and be good to her community. Please answer this question only if you have actually raised your child in this fashion or have some meaningful references (not quoting scripture).

Answer 1

Hi, I can't answer this question as I'm 25 and have no children, but I actually typed out a section of a book called "From Chaos to Harmony" -- the section is called "Raising the Next Generation of Children" -- and it's all about raising children with altruistic values. Here it is:

Raising the Next Generation of Children
Each of us strives to give his or her children the best tools for life. This is why we intuitively bring them up to be altruists. In fact, educating the younger generation has always been based on altruistic values.
We bring our children up to be kind to others because we subconsciously know that being unkind to others eventually hurts the unkind person. We want to give our children security, and we feel that we can succeed only by means of altruistic education.
Thus, a person's confidence does not depend on the individual, but on the environment. Because one’s environment reflects a person’s attitude toward it, all harm comes to us from the environment. However, by promoting altruistic values, we will increase the chances that society will not harm us.
Each society, in each country, throughout history, has wanted to impart altruistic values to its children. Only a very powerful individual, such as a tyrant whose army stands ready to enforce his will, can afford to teach his children to be ruthless, inconsiderate, and merciless. But the children of such people will need great protection to survive. They will have to stand guard against everyone else, and protect themselves through the force of arms.
A good attitude toward others imparts a sensation of security, peace and calm that is second to none. For this reason, we try to bring up our children with these values. However, and this is an important point, in time our children see that we, ourselves, are not behaving in this way toward others, and so they become as egoistic as we are.
Proper education is based on good examples. Are we showing our children an example of altruistic behavior toward others? The answer is probably negative, although we do bring them up to be altruistic when they are young. A child who sees that his or her parents do not “walk the walk, but simply talk the talk,” senses that their words are empty and false. As much as they will try to show children the honorable way to behave, it will be useless.
The crises we are in today, and our perilous future, impel us to make a change. Thus far, we have been teaching our children to do one thing, yet without following our own advice. But now we have no choice. We must change our own egoistic attitude toward others.
As more and more people begin to behave altruistically, the reality that our children will be born into will change, and they will easily grasp what was difficult for us to understand. They will recognize that we are all part of a single system, and that accordingly, our relationships should be altruistic. There is nothing better that we can do for our children and for ourselves.

Answer 2

My parents raised me with zero religion. There were no challenges except sometimes I had some trouble understanding what people were talking about when the spoke about religion. It's probably a good idea to explain the idea of god, afterlife, and the like to your daughter when she is old enough so she will at least understand these concepts when people bring them up. That way she won't be left scratching her head when someone mentions something. After I grew up I was able to chose my beliefs for myself.

As for learning about eastern religions, the library or google would be a good place to start.

Answer 3

I think dallying with the common belief today that everything is fine if you think it is, is silly and dangerous. I did look at eastern religion when I was very young....you'd be surprised what I found...the leader of the "church" had five wives and was currently recruiting others.....in other words, it was a cult started by a sick guy who longed to be a dictator and a cheater....be careful, the Bible is not your enemy..there are great teachings to follow whether you consider yourself religious or not......

Answer 4

no one can truly be raised secular, because pure secularism exists only as a theory. youre right in assuming that the same attitudes exist in every philosophy or school of thought--because human nature dictates that we believe in something, even its the belief that you dont want to believe in anything. even if you lived with her on a deserted island far away from all other influences, you could not remove her own human nature.
PS: do not think for a moment that "eastern" religions and philosophies are an exception

Answer 5

She comes from a Protestant family either raise the kid as a Protestant or as an Atheist. Don't screw her mind up with some crazy Eastern religion. XX

Answer 6

It saddens me to see people that are supposed to be Christian be so extremely judgmental.
My faith does not allow children under 12 in the temple. We do love our children and teach them proper behavior. But we do not allow children in the temple because the teachings of the temple are too powerful to allow a child to find his or her faith.
Faith is personal. It starts and ends inside the heart and spirit of all things. It is the gift given by the believer to the god or goddess of that child's choice.
It is not our task to create zealots and extremists.Religions that do inject themselves into the "time of the child" or learning and growing years have a large number of judgmental zealots.
I can promise you this.
If you allow your child to grow and become the beautiful spirit it is. It will find it's path and discover it's faith happily and without regret. It does not take a church or a temple to teach a child morals. That task is the duty of family.
En Tis Blethec. In all things be blessed.

Answer 7

Just raise her to be kind and honest. The hardest part is probably school. Since there is no separation between church and state christian traditions abound in the schools and daycare. You just have to teach her to let them do thier thing and roll with it until she is of an age to speak for herself. For instance when I am in a setting and other people are praying. I do not bow my head and close my eyes. I simply look downward so as not to stare at others who are praying. Sometimes I look upward if I am in an auditorium or large gathering.

Answer 8

I was raised secularly. That meant that my parents didn't try any religion on my, nor did they try no religion. They just left me to my own devices. In my opinion, "off the shelf" religions aren't good for anyone. I discourage shopping around for a religion you like, just don't worry about religion. You kid will grow up fine without it. If they want it they will seek it out on their own.

Answer 9

Jesus says this "you will know the truth and the truth will set you free" Jesus also says "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but by me." - John 14:6.

Please raise your children Christian. And ask a pastor the way to eternal life. It is the most important thing you can do. Seek first the Kingdom of God.

Answer 10

I was raised Christian. I think you should teach her both sides of the coin and let her make up her own mind. Tell her no one really knows the truth and we want you to find your own truth. Teacher about freedom of press, free speech and compassion for the suffering of others. Let her pick her own faith.

Buddhism is ok but you shouldn't teacher her if its something you don't believe in. Thats will not help her.