Why do so many parents let their children cry?

Question

It seems as though so many parents just don't want to deal with their children so they just leave them to cry themselves to sleep or whatever. It seems as though the best parents are those who find a middle ground: their children are learning and well behaved and nurtured and loved, not crying!

Answer 1

i know! it's easy i suppose, for those without hearts. i picked my son up the first second he cried ever since he was born. he's 15 months old now and never cries unless he's ovrtired or get real hurt. he's very secure and i'm a great mommy. people treat dr as god and dr. says ur 3 day old is minipulating u let him cry it out. thee parents will pay in the future.

Answer 2

That's called judging people. You can't possibly know all the reasons that all parents let their children cry. You can't judge the middle ground for every family and know that the kids will be well behaved and nurtured (and loved, what an assumption!) or neglected based on how often the parent 'lets' them cry.

It's very difficult to find a middle ground, I have seven children, each one with a different personality and each one with different problems. I deal with all of them at their own level and own capability.

My one year old will not go to sleep if you are holding her. If you put her in bed, she'll cry for about five minutes and go to sleep. She wakes up happy and ready to play. If you try to rock her to sleep, she will scream the whole time you're holding her. So which is worse? Which is dealing with her on her level and her ability? My seven year old, at that age, would fall asleep while rocking, then not want put down. It was better to just put her down and let her fuss a little, than play the dependency game.

My other children have all enjoyed being rocked to sleep and put down, and slept fine. it would not have worked for the other two children, so how fair is it to force a parenting ideal that wouldn't be nurturing to them?

I don't know how many children you have, but I know that before I had children, and when I only had one, I was obnoxiously certain of my parenting ideals. The fact is, ideals don't always work, and a good parent is flexible and does what is best for her family.

Answer 3

Please do not assume that anyone who allows their child to cry is doing so because they "don't want to deal with their children". Before I had my daughter I swore I would never let her cry herself to sleep. But by the time she was 6 months old and I was spending 1-3 hours every night trying to get her to go to sleep and I had not slept more than 2 1/2 hours at a time in over 3 months, I was desperate. Some nights she would wake up 10 or more times, and each time I would patiently hold, rock, or nurse her until she was back to sleep. I adore my daughter, adore the feeling of cuddling with her or rocking her to sleep, but I am human. I need sleep. My back can't take 3 hours of pacing with a sleepless baby. She was completely in control, and my basic human needs were not being met. So, I started letting her cry, comforting her at intervals. Eventually she did learn to sleep and now sleeps all night 95% of the time. I am much saner and able to function. She's still a wonderful happy little girl and I certainly believe she knows she is nurtured and loved!

I wish that my child had been a reasonably good sleeper so I would not have needed to let her cry, but I felt I had no choice. In our case, there was no middle ground. She simply would not sleep. You can believe my choice was misguided if you like, but you can not say I do not love my daughter and want to do the very best I can for her.

Answer 4

Well, who are these parents, and how did you find out about them? Is this a parenting style? Under what circumstances are these children crying themselves to sleep? Are the parents trying to teach them to sleep alone in their own beds, or what? Sorry for the all the questions to your question.
I do remember trying to teach my kids to sleep independently, but I would not allow them to cry alone, because maybe they were just fearful, and this seems cruel. I tried to do it in a phase by phase way, gently, and often having to console them, if even at their bedsides. But I always eventually left the room if they were fine.
They are in their teens now and sleeping on their own. Now, these days, they do "cry" for personal pocket computers and other technological gadgetry, and I let them cry, if they will. But they don't because I am a ROCK with no desire for the debt they could put me in.

Answer 5

I don't just let my kids cry themselves to sleep but there are some occasions when you got to. For example a few nights ago my 3 yr old daughter still was refusing to go to bed at 10 at night because she wanted to watch the movie me and my husband were watching. After her coming out of her room a million times I got firm (not mean with her and told her she was not to leave her bed for the rest of the night unless it was an emergency. Yes she cried but not because she felt unloved!!!! She cried cause she didn't get her way. If you give in just so your kid wont cry you in for some BIG trouble later down the road. Godd luck when you kids are pregnant, on drugs, and are self centered little brats.

Answer 6

Babies? Toddlers? Children? Or Teens? there are different stages 0-1 is baby 2-6 is toddler children is 7-11 13-19 is teen ( 12 year olds are just preteens that that's for 1 year so it doesn't really count ) Now as a baby you have to let them cry a little 5 minutes at the most so there lungs will develop right and same with toddlers because it's healthy as for children they should be old enof not to cry unless hurt teens lol want to be left alone!

Answer 7

As a mom of 2 I would partially agree with you. If you are a good, loving and responsible parent i would say you are in-tune to when your child(ren) need you. If my children are crying because they are not getting their way, (i.e. not buying them something every time we are at the store, having them eat something healthy over junk food, etc), I will explain to them whats going on but if they continue to cry that doesn't mean i just ignored them. I believe also at some points in time children need to learn to cope through things themselves to become aware of what feelings are and how to handle them and of course it depends on the situation,age and maturity of the particular child.

Answer 8

i'm a typical time mom. My son is 3 month old. whilst my toddler cries i pay instant interest as to diaper substitute or he feels too warm/chilly, if he's hungry or if he needs to sleep or if he's in any discomfort or soreness. Def babies wont cry and not utilising a reason. Thats their purely way of communique. i'm going to in no way enable my toddler cry it out cos i in my view sense painful whilst my toddler cries. I cant tolerate the sight of my toddler with tears.

Answer 9

I know where you are coming from. I cannot stand to see a child going through that. I do discipline my children, but if they get upset, I let them have a moment alone, but I always check in with them and make sure they understand why they got into trouble. I want to make sure that they understand that even though they were in trouble at the time, that I still love them. I never let my children cry themselves to sleep, because you never know if you are going to wake up in the morning, always make sure your kids know they are loved.

Answer 10

Kids cry when they don't get their way. They don't always know what is best for them, that's the parents job. A little crying never hurt anybody, and can teach the kid that crying and pitching a fit doesn't get what you want. Kids cry when they don't want to go to sleep, but he parent needs to be in control of sleep time. Letting the kid cry himself to sleep does him no harm. He will eventually adjust and "go with the flow" .