I have two daughters. One is 5, who is by my ex and a 2 year old who is by my husband. Every year my family, just the girls, get together to bake cookies for Christmas. This year it was at my house. My 5 yo, was with her Dad and he brought her over so she could play with her cousins. Since my Grandma lives close to my ex, she was going to take my daughter back to him (his visitation time wasn't over yet.) Before leaving, my Grandma wanted to pack up some cookies for my ex. She tried to make it a secret knowing I would get mad. Well, I found out. I did get mad at her for it. This is a guy that hasn't paid me a dime in child support for 5 months now and has been dragging out the court hearings about it. I don't understand why she would want to do anything for him. I feel like she is always taking up for him and that I should bend over backwards for him. Everytime I'm upset over something he does she's like "you have to get along." We do get along. How do I confront her?
2006-12-17 15:11:38 · 9 answers · asked by dmh2105 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Okay, obviously I didn't make myself clear about my Grandma. She is a nut job. She does have a heart I will admit that but she doesn't always think clearly. I admit they are just cookies, but I think it is also the straw that broke the camels back. She was upset with me when I was going to get my girls pictures taken and didn't invite him. Now, who invites their ex when they are taking family pictures?? I'm personally not worried about the child support. That is just the type of person my ex it. Thank goodness I have a loving husband who is currently deployed supporting my daughter.
2006-12-17 15:29:11 · update #1
I agree...you do have to get along...no matter what, the child should not feel the emotional dynamics of what is going on...it erodes their self esteem....This is such a difficult thing for all involved...of course we don't have all the info, like is he down on his luck....lost his job...health or what...it does make a difference because sometimes things can happen...one thing you should be aware....it is very difficult for the extended family when 2 people decide to divorce...here is someone that has been part of your family and that you have grown to care for....When we are not the ones that lived with this person...we did not see their short comings as you did...it is hard just to cut off caring feelings...having said this....If he is just not paying for no reason other than he just doesn't want to, of course it is wrong for Grandmas to be rewarding this behavior....but if it because of some of the previous stated reasons.....you need to be patient and realize others may still have feelings for this person...it is not a bad thing to want to keep harmony with your granddaughters father...it helps the child to know that her father is loved...it creates a security factor for her....sorry if this is difficult for you ....but you might want to re-evaluate how you are going to decide to feel about this...It is called making the hard choice, the best choice for your child. There is so much division in families...maybe you could just choose to live above the situation...and love grandma anyhow....
P.S. You know, women always have a tendency to nurture men (because we know they are more needy)....we always tend to view women as being stronger....more capable...So sometimes it doesn't feel as though we get the same level of care from other women, as the men get.
2006-12-17 15:29:31 · answer #1 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She was trying to put together a little box of cookies. That "issue" has nothing whatsoever to do with un paid child support, nor should it. It was merely a Christmas nicety, no more than you would for your local postal carrier. It was just cookies. But giving her daddy a box of cookies she had helped to make might have made your daughter happy. It's Christmas, lighten up. You'd be happier.
Don't confront your grandmother, she's right....you two DO have to get along. You don't have to love each other, or live with each other, but you do have to be mature enough to share parenting duties, because you are both responsible for that dear sweet innocent child You BOTH need to be there for her, and you have to be able to present a united enough front to be parents to her.
2006-12-17 15:25:16 · answer #2 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're over reacting. He may not be giving you any child support at the moment - but be the bigger person. He'll eventually have to pay again and he won't be able to avoid it without getting into trouble. Your 5 year old may not be able to understand what's going on with mom and dad but she can definitely tell that something isn't right when mom wants to withold cookies of all things. They're just cookies.
2006-12-17 15:17:31 · answer #3 · answered by karespromise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatetly you are not going to win this one. Only because it's your grandmother.You can sit down and talk to her until you are red in the face and your blood pressure is at a all time high. She's still going to do what she wants. Try to understand her point of view. You may end needing her in the future when it's time to go to court.
2006-12-17 15:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by Vivian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahhh, big deal , your grandma has a heart.
At least your ex has a bond with the child.
Alot of parents dont see a dime of child support the whole 18 yrs.
So, chill out and have a merry heart at Christmas.
2006-12-17 15:21:00 · answer #5 · answered by sunflare63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
perhaps you need to circulate forward and kill him and get it over with. in simple terms kidding. i could seek for a criminal expert and notice what he says, by using fact with hearsay, those issues can tend to no longer circulate your way. Your weird and wonderful ex can declare the youngster misunderstood him or is mendacity altogether, and it would make the completed ingredient a waste of it slow. perhaps you need to evaluate sending a hidden tape recorder consisting of your daughter next time she's with him to get information that he says issues like this. i'm unsure of the admissability of that for the duration of court docket, or perhaps the legality, yet once you had such, you need to apply it to enable him understand you're protecting tabs on him.
2016-10-15 03:52:27 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop telling your grandma about what the ex does, about family pics, visitations, etc. You already know how she's going to react. Keep things private regarding your ex. If she asks, tell her you don't know and change the subject.
2006-12-17 15:58:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be diplomatic with Grandma, she is old and won't be around forever. Cookies are not something to battle over. You don't always have to answer her questions, just stay silent. Be nice, be kind she is old.
2006-12-17 15:51:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she is just being nice
but
you should tell her how you feel
2006-12-17 15:16:59 · answer #9 · answered by Bren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋