My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years and living together for four. In July of 2006 we had a wonderful baby girl. Before I got pregnant, I wanted so badly for him to propose to me. I am still waiting.
We have some financial issues, but nothing that we can't get through. I don't want a big expensive ring, I am not much of the jewelry kind of girl. I don't have insurance, and it would be another plus of marriage. I would like to have the same last name as my best friend and my daughter, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
I brought it up to him a month ago, and he seemed like he still has not even thought about it. But a month before we got pregnant I heard him talking about it with his friend. He had been drinking that night and declares that he doesn't remember much from that night, in other words the conversation.
I am getting so frustrated, I am afraid he never wants to marry me, or that he thinks it just isn't important. What do I do??
2006-12-17 13:44:28 · 16 answers · asked by Picture of Words 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just ask him if he cares about the marriage. Or if he wants to get married to you.
2006-12-17 14:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel as though you have to force your boyfriend into marriage it will never work out. Marriage is something that both of you have to want. It isn't called a commitment for nothing. It is like "being committed" sometimes. It's also referred to as an "institution" probably because sometimes you feel like you are going to go crazy because of the person you are married to. Marriage is more than a last name or health insurance plan; it's about the joining of two people who cannot imagine being with anybody else but each other for the rest of their lives.
Maybe your boyfriend just hasn't gotten there yet. I have learned that getting pregnant by someone doesn't guarantee you anything with that person. My ex walked out on me while I was pregnant.
The best thing you can do is to not push the issue so much. If he feels pressured he will back away from the idea even more. You need to give him space and let things happen naturally.
Good luck...
2006-12-17 21:52:11 · answer #2 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi Picture of words!!!
I find that to be so sad. you are giving this person your everything and he seems not to a sence of commitment.
Probably he feels safe in his comfort zone; where he feels he is not "TRAP".
Most men have this idea, that if they marry they are less than a whole person. When in reality a man that already has being living 4 yrs. with his girl friend, and already has a baby, is actually putting himself in a lesser position, less respected that is.
He should be able to think about the stability a marriage could bring to a couple and their children. Especially, in the emotional state you constanly are when meeting with fa. and friends already married.
I'm pretty sure he loves you, but it seems to me he has no clue, of the roll you are actually performing in this situation.
In a way this is an emotional abuse, and neglect from his part. (NOT INTETIONALLY I HOPE) Also he is being somehow a bit egoistical, where he has all the commodities of a marriage, but leaving you with the emotional burden upon you.
Don't ask him anymore just, ignore it, and when you have the opportunity of being with friends and fa. and the conversation rises some eyebrows, gently, remove yourself from the group.
That will definitely be a huge stament and you will make an impact, and your point across, without even openning your mouth. He definitely will think about the way you feel. Probably and eventually, he will be the one proposing soon.
Men are not fond of commitment even of they emotionally already are!!! Also his friends play a big roll in all this
and usually they tend to go by what their friends would comment, like teasing, joking, just being "MEN".
My advise, you have already accepted that situation for way too long; it would NOT DO any good telling him, everytime you get a chance. He will feel cornered and I'm pretty sure, you will be farther away from your dream.
Just be patient, after all who knows what he has in mind?
Let's just hope that he mature fast enuogh, so you can make him even happier of what you already have.
Anyway you wouldn't want him to marry you feeling forced by you or anybody else. You would like to feel the greatest emotion that a marriage proposal, brings to one, and to feel the joy to know he asked you, because he really is able, good and ready to take your relationship to another level.
I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST. And pray for patience.
I can feel your pain and frustration, loving some one who doesn't give you the respect and the place you deserve. It sucks!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU
MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR
ALLIV Z
2006-12-17 22:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by Alliv Z 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a tough one...have you told him how much it would mean to you? My best friend and my brother got married after about 6 years together (no kids at that time), my brother just didn't want a big fancy wedding, and he said he knew that he wanted to be w/ her forever but they didn't need a piece of paper to prove it...my b/f told him we ARE getting married if you want to stay together...a year later, they got married...it may be that he doesn't want to deal w/ a huge ceremony (and the cost), or some other minor thing like that...if you don't mind not having a big wedding, tell him that...I can see why you are frustrated! Just make sure he knows that it would mean a lot to you...hopefully he will come around! Best of luck! Congrats on the new baby by the way!
2006-12-17 22:17:44 · answer #4 · answered by Renee B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, other than prayer, there is nothing that you have not done for him. You have been there, shown to be a good mother, and have offered him the world.
I hope you get to talk to a priest, minister, or a guidance counselor of some sort. I know you're hurting, and I hope you reach out for help to deal with this.
Hurting another person just because we can is never acceptable. However, many times we turn over our heart to others and do not like to face it when they don't handle our heart and feelings with care.
Please realize that this is on him, and has nothing to do with you. Even if you didn't have your daughter, I believe there are certain people who are not ready for marriage, and some never are. Take care of yourself, and I'm praying for a miracle.
GOD bless us one and all, always.
2006-12-17 22:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by May I help You? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Fiance purposed quickly thinking that we could just be engaged for years. I'm like "you get free health insurance from your job, I want it too!" and he says "why is health insurance so important?" He doesn't see what the big deal is about getting married, he's committed why do I need a legal paper saying it? Well, I told him that he's not moving in with me until I have a date set (for months not years from then). I'm afraid of getting into your situation.
You can't threaten to leave him because you can't risk him saying "fine, bye." So just keep telling him how important it is to you. About the tax breaks and financial plus sides. Tell him that it matters more to you to get married than it does to him not to, so he should go down to the court house with you. If you make him understand how much it hurts you, and what his rewards will be he should change his mind.
2006-12-18 00:55:06 · answer #6 · answered by kadan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid that there is little you can do to make him marry you. It sounds like you might have to choose between marriage and the relationship you have now. You will have to sit yourself down and decide what is most important to you. At any rate, this is a perfect case against having children without marriage. It is true that it does not always work out; but at least marriage gives some protection to children.
Decide what is most important to you and then sit down and have a heart to heart with him. But you will have to be prepared to act on what you say: if you insist that you want to be married, you may have to move on to meet someone who wants the same thing. This means mapping out a life for yourself and now your child.
Best of luck to you and I hope you get what you want. In any case, stick to your guns.
2006-12-17 21:58:42 · answer #7 · answered by hopflower 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have chosen this path, unfortunately for your child. You should be reading lots of the other questions, because this is happening to lots of girls, who think living with the guy is the thing to do --- but then are so confused and upset as to why he won't marry them! There is nothing confusing about it - if you girls are giving the guy all he wants, he doesn't need to get married at all. What you need to do is regain your independence, move out, keep dating him if you want, but let him "court" or "woo" you - yeah, the old fashioned stuff, but you know - it works. Let him see what daily life is like you. Frankly you shouldn't have created this mess for your kid, let alone you.
2006-12-18 12:39:10 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He will either realize that a) he doesn't care or b) he can't live without you. Give him an ultimatum. Marriage or end it. Unless you feel you can live with the status quo. He's got it made in the shade right now and has no reason to change anything.
2006-12-17 22:00:49 · answer #9 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, people can be a little rough on you! I have been in your situation. I gave my boyfriend at the time an ultimatum...marry me or else I am leaving. Well, he did marry me and now 4 years later we are miserable....finances being one of the biggest issues. I say all of this to say...you dont even want to go there. If he doesn't ask you on his own, forget it. If he doesnt think it's as important as you do, it's time to go. You will know when you have reached your limit and it's time for you and your little princess to leave. Be well!
2006-12-17 21:58:30 · answer #10 · answered by nyc_princess 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well just because you love someone you can't force them to marry you. I mean if he really wanted to he would have before you two had a baby. I say give him another year. If by 2007 he still hasn't ask you move out and take your daughter with you. Seperate for a bit and if that doesn't work... MOVE ON !!!!!!
If you need to talk you can contact me.
2006-12-17 21:58:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋