My 15 year old son is driving me insane!?

Question

My son goes into my bedroom anytime he wants, takes whatever he thinks he needs but doesn't want me in his room. He took something of mine and then lied about it. When I found out, I took his Christmas gifts back and destroyed his room. Am I wrong? Is there a better way to teach respect, mind you I've already tried talking to, reasoning with and currently have him in therapy.

I don't belittle or berate my son...at least I try not to. I have him in therapy because I realize that this transitional stage is difficult for both of us, he because he has to learn how to handle independence and I because I have to learn how to give it to him. We both have other issues that we both have decided we want to resolve.

I realize that many of you think it is immature to destroy his room, but this lack of respect is an ongoing situation. I merely wanted to show him how it feels when one is invaded.

Answer 1

hmmmm.... Well I am 15 (but a girl) and my parents come in my room when ever they want, I don't care. I even have a 16 and 18 year old brothers. And my parents go into their rooms when ever they want, I believe my bro's don't care either. Yes, we have locks on our doors for when we get dressed and stuff. But I understand that it's my parents house and I respect them VERY much, I do what they say. And so far it has saved me from trouble. So my answer is, no. You are not wrong. It's your house, your kid. He should respect you. But I'm not saying treat him bad or anything. you know?
So there is my answer.
Good luck. I'll pray that God helps you work out your problems :D
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Answer 2

YIKES seems like there is a boundary and rules issue. YOU pay for the roof over his head - correct? That gives you access to his room. That does not necessarily go both ways though. He has NO right taking things from your room. And you being the parent should not have "destroyed" his room. That was probably pretty childish (sorry). I really have no advice except that you maybe should have a session with the therapist and your son to discuss the issue.

Answer 3

your retaliation was a bit over board, but if it was effective, if he is not going to change then you will have to..Advise him that in future he will not have his privacy nor any any thing until he earns them back by good behavior, so none of the following privileges TV, phone, money,driving him any where, computer , tell him that all this stuff is yours and he can earn by an attitude adjustment or he can do with out, and if you have to put all these things under lock and key or remove them from the house do it, He has to learn that you are not a financial emotional and physical bank for his needs., and once you can see he is getting the message you can slowly return the privileges that have been forfeited, I know this is drastic but how else is he going to learn. you are not teaching him a lesson, but rather respect and responsibility

Answer 4

With all due respect...I think that you need to get therapy. I say that because you acted even worse than he did, you acted like a child by reacting the way you did. Do you think taking all of his gifts back and trashing his room is adult behavior?

Respect is earned as well as taught and in all honesty your behavior warrants no respect at all.

Children will lie (even the best kid) and parents need to remember how they acted when they were young. I find it hard to believe you were such a great child. What did your parents do wrong while they were raising you, and what is it you are doing that you wish they had not dome to you?

Do you praise him when he does well? Or just curse him when he displeases you? Raising a child is hard but teaching a child how to behave is best done by rewarding good behavior VS harshly attacking them when they behave badly.

If we as humans get rewarded for proper behavior and punished (fairly) for bad behavior then as humans we prefer rewards over punishments. But if the only way we get attention is by acting out then we will act out for attention.

I wish you luck in learning how to manage your child and I hope he will survive the time it takes you to learn. many parents destroy their child by not knowing how to raise them. Please seek your own counseling for his sake as well as your own.

I know you want to love him and be loved by him please respect him and learn how to live with him.

Peace

Answer 5

do not rebel against him. do not mess up his room. do not take away gifts from him. and most of all....DONT PUT HIM HIN THERAPY!

GOSH! so many people in america put their kids or themselves in therapy and just mess up their lives even more.

its stupid to put him in therapy just for lieing or not listening to you.

hello!? his is 15yrs old and in the middle of growing up into a young man. he is going through many changes in his life. changes to his body. to his thoughts in life. to his personality. changes to his friends.

he is at this age where he will act out. and will rebel. and will lie to you just to get away or not to get into trouble. but do NOT act below him. do not mess up his room.

once in a while, do go in his room when he is not there and check to see if you find drugs or guns or drinks. things that he might be using and wont tell you. and since he is at that age where he will rebel and act out he might be doing things behind your back. but im saying this becus your the parent and you need to know what he is up to once in a while. dont do it every day and not when he is around and dont leave your marks behind.

if you trust him then dont do that. if you two are not understanding eachother then you need to have a talk. and i know you said you already did. but keep talking to him. do not yell at him and do not treat him like a baby. also do not talk to him like your the boss and he is the child.

he is at the age where he does not want to be treated as a baby. so talk to him and tell him whats bothering you. okay?

the best thing to do now is put a lock on your door. tell him your doing this until you can trust him that he wont go in there.

also, i think you should take him out of therapy. its not good. he will feel betrayed and not loved by you. you are the parent. you made him. you should learn how to communicate with him and have daily talks. make him your best friend. but if you dont know how to communicate with him then why did you put just him in therapy? why dont you go with him also?
so that you can learn how to communicate with him and he can learn with you together.?
do that. go to therapy with im. he will learn how to trust you by you going with him.

pastor's wife

Answer 6

I think therapy is a it 2 much. He's a teenageer his going 2 make mistakes and going crazy isn't going 2 help.Talk 2 him again and let him talk.
Hope it works.

Answer 7

Put a lock on your door then have a discussion w/his therapist as to how best approach this. What's he hiding in his room?

Answer 8

Uhmm wow harsh much. Destorying his room. Your just as immature as him.
He lied- kids lie- you don't have to ruin his christmas.
How about locking your room- or grounding him- or taking away his stuff.
Or simply taking something out of his room and when he asks you lie about him- kind of like making him feel how you felt.

But destorying his room- thats just mean and immature.

Answer 9

That's exactly what you should do..Give a taste of his own medicine

He invade your space , you invade his space...but please do it teach him that there is boundaries and limits between the adults(that's you) and the child(your son)..Things that you can do(enter his room without permission) that he can't do(enter your room without your permission)...Remind him again and again if you have to...He has to respect you...and the only thing he can do to gain respect and trust from you is to obey you..That what children does...And when he does what you want, it's your time to reward him...

Answer 10

You are like Christine of "The new adventures of old Christine" but with a kid more older than Christine son