How do I break up with my boyfriend...?

Question

who lives 24 hours away? We've been long distance since he moved about a month ago but I'm ready for it to be over. How do I bring it up? How do I let him down gently?

Answer 1

just let him know that this isn't the way you envisioned your relationship and that it is not going to work for you. honesty is the best policy in this case.

Answer 2

If possible, meet him face to face, and tell him clearly how you feel. Make some notes for yourself so that you can give him a capsule summary. Be sure that you make it clear that his commentary is not wanted, nor is the subject matter up for debate. Guys will often try to rook you in to rethinking your position so you have to walk into the situation knowing what your game plan is and sticking to it. If you can't meet him face to face, you should do a video phone call or telephone call as a secondary means.

Keep it brief.. do not pontificate on minor points of interest. Be kind, direct, and honest. Do not entertain him with the idea of being "friends" right now, that can happen a few months down the road after you've both had time to heal from ending a romantic relationship. People sometimes ask to be "friends" as a means of hanging on to a relationship. Don't accept his phone calls, notes, or other contact (including internet) for a minimum of 90 days (3 months give or take). This "away" time is crucial for allowing both of you to heal from the adjustment. Then, if friendship is something you both want, you can try to rekindle that only after the time and distance has severed the romantic part of this relationship.

Breaking up is a "kind of" death. It is critical that you don't "revive" the old feelings with phone calls, notes, letters, cards, or e-mail contact. It's all too easy to slide into the "old" role as a lover with today's modern conveniences and accessibilities like computers and cell phones.

Once the deed is done, remember keep it brief, matter of fact, to the point, and non-negotiable, allow yourself some down time. You may want to write yourself a journal entry, put away knick knacks or other gifts, talk to your friends.. or just relax and take a warm bath or a walk. Remember to be good to yourself through this time, and you might want to give others (depending on how important this relationship is to you) a heads up that you may not be feeling or behaving as your "normal" self for a while.

If the relationship was a really heavy duty one, you might want to seek out counseling or other forms of therapy such as hypnosis or acupuncture. I personally like holistic measures to help me feel better during times of crises.

Now, this assumes everything is going nicely but here's what to do if your ex isn't handling the news well. If he calls too much, tell him politely once to stop. If he continues, do NOT answer his calls under any circumstances. If it escalates, contact the police. (extreme measure, but sometimes indicated!). If he's calling you sobbing or threatening suicide, tell him to seek professional help (or report the content of his calls to the appropriate agency).

Remember, once you've made this decision it's extremely important to your health (and his) that you stick to your guns. Obviously this guy has moved out a month ago, and your relationship has a natural distance (geographic) in place that can facilitate your end-goal of leaving the relationship.

I hope this has helped you in some way :)

Answer 3

just come out and tell him it's over and you can't do a long distance thing. best to get it done quickly like a mercy killing.