I'm three months pregnant but my boyfriend is not ready to be tied down?

Question

Ok. I'm three months pregnant and about two weeks ago the father of my baby set me down and told me that it was the hardest thing he ever had to do but he was ready to be tied down.. and that he had to work on getting a good and stable job and get his thoughts together... He said that he still loved me soo much and he wanted to be with me for the rest of our lifes and take care of the child too but he just wasnt ready to be tied down at the moment. He said that it wasnt me it was him.. It didnt really hit him at first that we were about to have a huge change in our lifes...

I'm really scared cause my sister got pregnant at 16 too and her daughter who is 6 now has grown up without a father.. and i dont want that happening to me... It's really hard when a lil girl walks up to u and ask why u have a dad and she dont... This guy was 17 and wasnt ready for a baby and he told my sister that he didnt want to be a part of her or the babies life.. If you have any advice I'd appreciate it.

Ok. I'm three months pregnant and about two weeks ago the father of my baby set me down and told me that it was the hardest thing he ever had to do but he was ready to be tied down.. and that he had to work on getting a good and stable job and get his thoughts together... He said that he still loved me soo much and he wanted to be with me for the rest of our lifes and take care of the child too but he just wasnt ready to be tied down at the moment. He said that it wasnt me it was him.. It didnt really hit him at first that we were about to have a huge change in our lifes...

I'm only 16 and he's 20... Sorry for the confusion...

Answer 1

They always say 'it isn't you, it's me...' that is the most common break up line. They thing is, maybe you are better out without him. I raised my daughter totally by myself with no child support and we had fun. Besides I'd rather have no man than a jerk who didn't want to be there

Answer 2

Well the dad needs to be responsible, he had sex- so he has to deal with the consiquences. Same with you. BUT just because he doesn't want to be tied down right now doesnt mean that he wont be a father when the time comes- maybe hes just not ready to be committed to one woman. Hes only 17 as you said, so he probably wasnt thinking about starting a family so early- but once reality sets in hopefully he'll do whats right by his child. And even if that means taking care of the baby and not having a relationship with you- then you need to accept the situation.

Answer 3

He's scared and he wants to run. Dont let him, that is all that you can do. Don't let him walk away. He made this baby too, and if he loves you as much as you say he does then he won't be able to just walk away. Tell him that you will do this together. you made the baby together so why should he have all the fun and not any of the responsibility? Tell him that you need him and so does the baby. I promise when the baby comes that he won't want to just walk away. He will look at his son for the first time and you will see a look of love on his face that only a new father can have.

Answer 4

There isn't much you can do about how your boyfriend handles this situation. You can choose how YOU want to handle this though. I agree with you, it is very hard to see a child growing up and wondering why it's father doesn't want to be a part of it's life. If you really want your baby to grow up with 2 parents, you might want to seriously consider placing the baby for adoption. It is a loving, responsible and unselfish way to benefit everyone involved. (I am under the impression that you are 16 years old) This way you will be able to finish school and get a good education and job before you start raising children and you will be more emotionally prepared for it. Plus you will have the time to find a partner who wants to be "tied down" when you feel ready to raise a family. If you place this baby for adoption, it will grow up in a stable, loving environment with two parents who are able to provide for it emotionally and financially. You will have the peace of mind knowing that you did what you felt was the very best thing for your baby. If you are worried about how the baby will feel about being adopted, I suggest that you be the one to select the adoptive couple. If you go to www.itsaboutlove.org you can look at profiles of adoptive couples and pick the one you feel is best for your baby. This way your baby will know you picked the best place for it to be raised. I adopted my oldest child and we often tell him he is loved extra because his birth mom loved him enough to send him to our home where he could have the life she could not give him even though it made her sad not to keep him. We want him to KNOW that adoption makes him extra special, (not unwanted) because his birth mom has told us it was the hardest choice she ever had to make, but she did it for him, because she loves him. Good luck in your decision, whatever it might be.

Answer 5

Wow I had a flash back..My daughters "father" said the same thing to me when I was pregnant with her.

Unfortunly there is no way that you can make someone settle down or be a father. And sometimes, atleast I know in our case it was better in the long run that he left.

Advice, take care of yourself and the baby right now, after the baby is born have his butt in court for child support and all. Plus who knows he might change his mind, but you need to get prepared to raise the child alone, just in case he doesn't come back.

Answer 6

You asked for advice and I'll try to give you the best I can. Time will only tell what your boyfriend is going to do. But you both decided to have sex and he too needs to take responsibility for his actions. But I did read one of the other peoples answers that was submitted to you......you DO have many things to look forward to. You have the joy of watching this amazing little person grow, and to see all the wonderful things they do, and the person they start to become. Having a child is only a burden if you make it one. Just because you are young, does not mean you cannot take care of this baby. You have your sister to look to for answers, help, and guidence to. You're not alone. But now is not the time to worry about your baby growing up without a father figure, right now you need to focus on what's best for you and your baby. No one can decide for you, you are in charge now, in charge of you and this little being. If you believe you can do this, then more power to you honey. I too am still a young mom. I had my son at 19, and my friend had her son at 16 and is one of the greatest parents. And for the first couple years she fought to have her sons daddys in his life. But like I said, time will only tell what he will do, but if you believe that you can do this, then do it!

Answer 7

You proceeded to get into the same mess your sister is in. The biggest issue is you KNEW what would happen. . . and now it has. Your best advocate will be your sister. She will have input into what you are facing because it appears this guy will take a walk. . . and soon. I would explain to him as he explained to you that you will want to have a paternity test done to prove the legally of him as the father (even tho you know he is) and will need to file court papers to obtain child support until such a time as the two of you marry (to protect your child). This is not a personality or love issue it is ONLY to protect your child for life. Of course, he will counter that he will support the child but without a court legal agreement you have NOTHING. You may love him, he may love you but he is NOT fulfilling his obligations. This bs about he's not ready is just that. . . bs. He was ready to have sex, he was ready to get his rocks off, he was ready to do it again and again and now he is not willing to marry you. GIVE ME A BREAK!! You have been used. You MUST take care of your child and that means legally. Then you must continue your education until you have a college degree and a viable career. I would also suggest the court require him to take out a minimum $ 100,000.00 life insurance policy to insure your child will get the beginnings of a college education should anything happen to him ( I would actually go for a $ 1,000,000.00 policy and set it up so that he would be in contempt of court should he let the policy lapse).
You have some tough decisions ahead. I would bet you are not insured to bring this baby into the world so that is HIS financial responsibility (sorry to be blunt, but we the tax paying public do NOT want to pay for your child through welfare). I would also suggest you taking parenting classes through the Red Cross or other organization, a financial budgeting class through a local community college or financial advisor company, and get involved in a local church that will support you emotionally. You are going to need all this as a minimum.

Good luck. . . I wish you all the support you can get.

Answer 8

Give him a little breathing room to think about everything.....then Let him know that you didn't make this baby alone so its best that you BOTH are equally in the baby's life if he loves you like he said he does. Maybe he's in a state of shock from all this happening. Don't smother him. Back off for a week or 2 and see what becomes of it. Be sure to make better decisions from here on out. I had my first child when I was a teen-ager. Good Luck and congratulations.

Answer 9

Men dont really understand this kind of thing. And if your young then people are going to frown upon you, unless they had kids young themselves. I am a early 20's mom, my daughters are 2 yrs. and 8 months. My bf didnt want kids at all, but when I told him that I was pregnant, he man-ned up and took responsibilty. In todays world, it isnt uncommon for kids to grow up without a dad, and its becoming even more common for them to grow up without a mom. If he doesnt want to be a part now, then dont let him be a part later. Its like the chicken and the wheat story. He doesnt want to help you during your pregnancy, he doesnt want to help when the baby is born, so dont let him be there when that precious child gets older. If he really loves you then this wouldnt be such a big deal to him, he would love you and his child. He would try to get a job and be there for you. Some guys go into a shock period, like they think that when the baby is born then they lose their freedom. And saying that he wants to be with you the rest of your lives but doesnt want to be tied down at the moment, thats bull poop. On your part, they always say "If you love someone let them go". Let him go, you can do better. If he finally grows up and can show you that hes changed, then you can think about taking him back. Besides all you need if family. Good luck honey

Answer 10

Speak to a counsellor about your options, because juggling school and a baby, or a job and a baby, is going to take some organising on your part. Also: it isn't unusual at all for young men to opt out of the lives of the women that they got pregnant at the last minute. So, have a good cry, lick your wounds and, do the best you can for yourself and therefore your baby's future. Take professional advice if necessary.

Answer 11

Maybe you need to tell him that you don't want to be tied down either, but because he didn't use a condom, you both have a huge decision to make. Have you thought of letting another family adopt your baby/ There are tons of couples looking for babies. It sounds like it would be a better environment than you could provide right now.