Marriage for Black woman- Starting to become alittle concerned........?

Question

I will be 36 yrs old soon - I am African American/independent/I've been told I am a very attractive woman/Have my own "stuff"/no kids/good job.
Problem is that I worry sometimes that I will never marry; I am trying desperately not to panic! But it is hard as heck sometimes!!!!
I've done alittle online dating for the last 5 years - they've mainly all been jerks - I mean really disrespectful jerks!! I don't particularly want kids so that's not an issue. And don't get me started on how it feels to see some out of shape, poor, uneducated mother of TEN get married to prince charming! Just keepin it real!
What is so perplexing to me is that I hear people say all the time that it will happen when I "least expect it", but I don't know how to NOT expect it. The marriage rate for Blacks is terrible!! Statically, my chances would be better if I were white woman. I guess my question is - has anyone ever felt this way?

please don't misunderstnd. I am not being judgmental to other less fortunate women. But we are (I was) taught to keep yourself up, have something going for yourself, be an asset to him not a liabilty. It is amazing to see someone who won't even comb her hair half right with a good man. ....AND just FYI, COLOR IS an issue. If you can't understand this now, no disrespect, but you probably never will.

Answer 1

Well, I guess that you want to get married. But, really the best advice I can give you is to just live your life fully right now. Enjoy life in whatever you do at the time and moment. Yes, I've felt this way too - I'm not married - but I've never really had the urge to be married. I just enjoy my self in the time and moment of now.

Answer 2

I'm a not all that good looking guy who has a secret. I used to think that because a woman was successful and/or good looking that she was "out of my league". I've found out different--the fact that you are successful and attractive MAY be the problem (and explains why less successful women seem to get the guys). Men hit on them because we don't DARE to hit on more "out of our league" women. It's a "what would she want me for" syndrome. I'm NOT suggesting that you try dress down, or play dumb, but MAYBE a guy with some confidence will come your way when you "least expect it".........I hope so. It will be worth the wait. I'm sorry I can't offer a magic bullet......

Another and unrelated thing--have you thought of dating outside of your color? I did, and it's been a blast, learning about other people, other cultures. And it multiplies your dating pool by about three,,,,,,,,,at least. Just a thought..........good luck!

Answer 3

Your honesty is refreshing. This is something that women/men of all races deal with when they pass the "threshold" for marriage, which is widely considered to be age 30. You seem to rely heavily on the fact that you have no children and you are educated. At the same time, you put down and envy those who you feel to be beneath you (fat, poor, dumb mother of ten with the man of her dreams). Maybe there is something that you can learn from these women that can't be gotten out of a book. Get off your high horse and realize that all those things that you prize are not getting you what you want so they are worthless! It's obvious that you are not that independent, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question. Talk to those people that have what you want and ask for their advice. I don't care if they live in a mansion or a housing project, there is something that you can learn from anyone if you are willing to listen. There is a parable in the New Testament where a rich young ruler is asking what he needs to do to be saved. He felt very good about himself because he had followed the law from a young age and had all the modern trappings of success. Jesus took one look at him and said, "This one thing you lack. Go and sell all that thou hast and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." Think about it.

Answer 4

It's a shame that you feel your colour makes a difference.
It might help to change your focus. Concentrate on making good deep friendships with both men & women. No I'm not saying you need to sleep with women just that you need female friends for companionship & talking things through.
It's from friendship and shared experiences that love grows. You can't force it or hurry it. Given time this becomes a good strong basis for marriage. You need to take time to really get to know people before you can decide whether you want to spend your life with them.

Answer 5

I think online dating is one way, however, you have to get out in the real world. Put yourself in places where men go...when I was single I had a favorite sports bar. And it wasn't a pick up place! My friends and I would go every Saturday night. So find a place that you can make your "own" and get out and mingle. That's the best way to meet people.