cant deal with it?

Question

i cant stop crying this christmas.last christmas 7 members of my family died in a house fire including my 3 month year old nieceand my mum.i just cant get over it.and feel so alone.everyone is telling me to try and enjoy 'the festive season' but i just cant and people think im being a scroge.and i have to go to my friends house this year and i feel like a real outsider.any possible way u think i can enjoy this christmas?

Answer 1

I lost my grandmother in Jan and my grandfather last year. I can understand your feelings, I don't want to celebrate either, if you believe in God my suggest is to pray. Cry let your feelings out, I have.

Answer 2

How awful. I can't imagine what it would be like for you. It's only been a year since you lost such close family. How can any one possibly tell you to "try" and enjoy the festive season? It's not festive for you at all!! It's the anniversary of losing 6 members of your family, and the pain is still very raw to you. If you need to spend this time to grieve, then do it. You're not being a scroge at all and these people need to be more understanding of you. I mean, if that was them, would they be able to enjoy the festive season? My dear, grieve all you like. It's the first step to healing.

At the same time, just try to remember all the things that you have in your life still. Maybe help out at a church or homeless shelter so you can still appreciate life. God Bless

Answer 3

This is hard, but celebrate the season! The true meaning of all of it. Knowing that you have sufferd the loss, help someone else that is having a hard time dealing with the holidays. I have mentioned before we had a year of major loss, that Christmas I was a mess, and also cried and felt the loss over and over. I went to the local store and saw this tree, that had wishes on it for families that can have a holiday. I filled the list and followed the instuctions and felt that I gave back! I felt that at least I was going to make someone else feel better even if was'nt me!
God has plans for people that suffer you are meant to do something good! Go for it! God bless you and yours!

Answer 4

Go ahead and cry if that is what you want, let it out, and when you feel like you can't cry anymore then try and remember the good times. You know your Mom better than anyone, what would she do or say to comfort you, you know she wouldn't want you to get sick. It is OK to have some fun and enjoy the Christmas season, memories will last you a lifetime, think of her and when your alone go ahead and talk to her, this will help. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope I was some help.

Answer 5

Well let me just start by saying how incredibly sorry I am for your loss and what you are continuing to experience. It is obviously going to be hard for you to participate in holiday festivities with such grief on your mind. I don't know how you are coping with grief - obviously since it is one year later after the incident you are going to feel especially vulnerable at this time, but to ease what you are suffering, I strongly suggest conversing with a grief counselor if you can meet with one soon. They won't try to psycho-analyze you - they will merely listen and advise you constructively. They are outlets into which you can release what you are feeling.

As for enjoying the holiday, do go to your friend's house. You will gain strength if you embrace the fact that you have this friendship and this welcoming environment at this time of the year. You may be missing your family, but for now think in terms of the present - your friend is here with you now and wants you to be a part of his/her family tradition. It will be good for you to be in the company of familiarity at Christmas, and a friend is just the thing you need. Listen to good music, eat your favorite food, and simply relax and enjoy your company. Think about all of the things you have accomplished this year and all of the things and people you are thankful for. Think of all of the opportunity that awaits you in the new year.

From this point forward, you must think in terms of progression. There is a past that you will likely never forget, but to live a healthy and fruitful life, you will learn to come to grips with what has happened. Treasure every relationship that you do have at this moment. Call up relatives and talk with them. They have suffered the same loss as you, so don't feel shy to tell them what you are feeling. And don't feel shy to speak with your friend either. A close friend will always lend an ear to help you. I wish you the very best. Happy Holidays! :D

Answer 6

I am so sorry for your lost. I lost the only person that i knew as a grandmother 15 days before xmas and it was hard but nothing like you are going through talk to a family member that seems to be having a hard time with dealing with thier loss as well if no one will talk to you maybe phone telacare even if it is just to express your sorrow and not to worry about someone calling you a scrooge. i think that youshould think about the people that you have lost and just try and try and think about what your mom would want you to and try not let people try and tell you how to feel these are your feelings and you have every right to feel the way you do.
God bless and I hope just remebering them will make you smile at least once if not for you but for them in memory

Answer 7

that is a lot to cope with

but am glad you have people who think enough of you to share their own families with you over Christmas

i had that happen to me when i wasn't able to be with my own parents and was taken home to a christian family at Christmas who made me very welcome

i went back the following year at Christmas to visit and they had me to stay with them for several months

although their mother passed away some years ago now since those days the relationships that were forged in those times are precious to me

i am still in touch with the daughter of the family every week (like a real sister to me) and with the son of the family - i now have my own family and he doesn't - so i now give him hospitality on alternate Christmases - which is basically the very least i can do for what their family did for me

so although yes in one sense you are an outsider - Christmas can often bring out the best in people - and who knows perhaps they can go some way in filling the void that the fire left in your life a year ago

Answer 8

Find your strength in your "higher power". Seek out a local clergy person or coucelor or support group to help you deal with your grief...that's the long range plan.

As for the week left til Christmas....find your strength in your "higher power" . Pray for the strength to feel some of the joy of this season and to fondly remember those who were lost. They are with you in spirit and are watching over you. How would they want you to be this season? Talk about them openly and their favorite part of the holiday. You emotionally need to feel connection to them and closeness and talking about them may help. Your friend who has invited you to spend the holiday with them sounds like they would be open to listening and helping you.

The worst thing anyone can do is tell you to suck it up and just enjoy it. you need to be able to grieve in your own way. We always remember the anniversary of the loss of a loved one and you have seven to remember at one of the most festive, happy times of the year. No one can expect you to be over it this soon. You need to be able to own your feelings and feel them completely so you can acknowledge them and begin to move forward with them. Professional help is in order to do this, given the tremendous loss you suffered. Ask everyone you know to pray for your heart to begin to heal. there is power in prayer and even more power in the same prayer by multiple people.

While you are at your friends house, try to observe and participate in their celebration out of respect for them. You can fall apart when you get home if you need to. You are in a difficult place right now and everyone around you needs to be understanding of your feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong they just are.

And remember that you are special and your survival is not an accident. But your survival and quality of life of these remaining years will be your doing. Each year will be a little bit easier than the last...

Answer 9

3 weeks ago...u asked a Q on how to tell your mum that a boy was coming to stay with u. How is that possible if she died 12 months ago! Not only that u lied to this boy telling him u r 16 when u r 13. Go and get a life and sympthy elsewhere little girl and STOP making up stories.

Answer 10

Sorry for your lost. I believe the way you are reacting is normal. Your first Christmas without your loved ones. I say mourn, cry it's alright. How to enjoy yourself? Remember the good Christmas memories and share them with those around you.

Don't try to forget or cover it up. Use the support of the friends you have with you now. Those you lost would want you to celebrate, in a way that you are comfortable with, of course.

Good luck & Merry Christmas!

Answer 11

It must be hard, don't be afraid to cry. Everyone does it and even though your family says to just try to enjoy i think you are, you are just remembering it is going to be very hard. you could leave the room, your friends will respect your feelings. Just smile as much as possible and make the most out of every moment you have