what would you do if you were getting married in 3 months, and your soon to be husband were stilling girls tha

Question

I am getting married in 3 months and my soon to be husband is still calling the girls he use to date. I asked him why he said that they were just friends. I think if you are getting married why would you want to talk to those other women. I think it is a way of cheeting!

Answer 1

I am not an insecure person by any means, but I think I would be feeling a little uneasy knowing my fiance is still in contact with old girlfriends. Its very difficult to be "just friends" when you have had a relationship with a person. If you are having doubts now, then dont get married. I know all the plans have been made and it is an exciting time in any soon to be bride's life, but think of after the marriage.....what is your life going to be like with him then? He obviously will still be ringing these girls even after he is married...so you need to ask yourself can you live like that knowing that he has other "friends" who are girls. I think the warning bells should be sounding right about now, and while it is a hard thing to do to call off the wedding, it is harder walking out after you are married. Maybe just the threat of you calling off the wedding may be enough for him to wake up to himself. Its wrong that he is still calling these girls, so dont let him try to tell you its OK, its not OK. He may argue that he is allowed to have friends...sure hes allowed to have friends, but ex girlfriends? come on. He is either a controlling sort of a guy, which will only get worse may I say, or he thinks youre stupid. Whatever is going through his mind, its better to sort it out now than wait until after youre married. A marriage should be one of equality, and I wonder how he would feel if you kept in contact with your ex boyfriends. Maybe ring a few of your old flames up, get a friendship going with them and see how he likes them apples.

This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life, and if you want your marriage to last, then there has to be some kind of understanding between the two of you. He needs to respect your feeings, and if he refuses to give his "friends" up, then it is obvious he doesnt respect your feelings and he is placing his "friendship" with these girls above the love of his life.....you. Tread carefully, this could be a wonderful union, or it could be a disaster. Work it out now before you say "I do".

I wish you well.

Answer 2

Is not cheating, is the insecurity ... Not more normal, when you are going to have a big decision.... Sometimes is only a way to be sure of something which scares you ... The only way to be sure is to Know the freedom belongs to you anyways, no matter if you are or not, married .... Freedom is not be single , but be you and respect other and somebody respect you...If you do not trust your future husband , then you are the one who can not be married... Be married is Trust in the first place

Answer 3

meta: If I were you, I would be putting the brakes on the wedding plans ! Your to-be husband is in love with himself ... not you ! He is too immature to be taking on such an adult responsibility as marriage. Your marriage doesn't stand a chance to last with this guy. Don't follow through with the wedding because YOU have a fear of being single ... this is not a good reason to marry !!! If you think he is cheating now .. just wait . The guy's a flake - drop him !!!

Answer 4

I would trust your instincts if you aren't feeling comfortable with his actions. While I think its o.k. to keep in touch with an ex or two, he needs to consider your needs and feelings when doing so. If he was fully engaged in your relationship, his energy and attention would primarily be focused on you. I would think that he would be happy to participate in your wedding plans and in your plans of creating a life together, however, it appears his energy is more focused on hanging on to his previous relationships and the attention he is getting from these girls. This doesn't sound healthy and honestly, he doesn't sound ready for a life-long committment. As difficult as it may be, you'd be better off calling off the wedding or at the very least postponing it.

My sister recently got divorced after she found out her husband was cheating on her. I can't tell you how much she suffered emotionally, financially, and physically (gave her stds). After my family and I spent several days sitting through divorce court with her, hearing her case as well as others, it makes you realize how important it is to not take marriage lightly. Your happiness is not worth these types of troubles and life is too short to be with someone who doesn't make you feel like you are the one and only love of their life. Be brave and make the decision you know you need to make, sweetie! Good luck to you.

Answer 5

B4 jumping to any conclusion 1st make sure wats going on he mite b telling u da truty.

But ur rite he really shouldnt b calln his x's
unless they really r friends cuz u dnt wana be seen as da freaky wife dat doesnt let him do anything.

but u shod make it clear 2 ur future husband dat it isnt rite 4 him 2 b flirtn wit otha ppl whn hes meant 2 b in love wit u and marrin u.
if he wants 2 do that he shouldnt b thinkn abt marrin u at all, its not fair 2 u cuz y should u always b thinkin abt if hes cheating on u or not. u dnt want a marriage like dat.

Answer 6

If my fiance communicated with ANY of his exes, whether through phone or email, it would be over. They can't be friends because exes are exes for a reason. Besides I don't think men and women should be Friends because there is no such thing. Because Some women get jealous and will do anything to have him whether he is attached or not, and men being scum say that they look at women because it is in their genes, which is crap. If they look at women they are lusting over them and in turn is very intrigued by them and would succumb to temptation. MEN ARE DOGS!!!! Oh wait Dogs are Loyal!!!!

Answer 7

My fiancee is still friends with a guy she once dated (be it years ago) and it doesn't bother me at all, as it doesn't bother her that I'm still friends with a women that I once dated (a long time ago). The reason why is because we are completely committed to each other, trust each other, and are each other soulmates. There is a big difference between having a friendship and cheating on someone.

Answer 8

it don't agree that it is cheating. However, i do see it as a red flag. There is a variety of things that may be going on:
1. He is testing his boundaries with you
2. He is testing his boundaries with these chicks
3. He is feeling his freedom to do what ever it is he wants to do beginning to diminish...which is true...a certain amount of freedom Will be lost when you marry
4. he has Friends who are female....this isn't necessarily a bad thing....how does he talk with them? how do they talk to you? Are they apart of a bigger circle of his Friends?
5. how does jealousy work in your life? Are you very jealous? Does he like making you jealous? Is this a little game you two play to pull each others strings...push each others buttons?

If he is just Friends with them and they are a port of a bigger Circe of friends of his, i would not act too jealous and trust him. If he Miss treats his relationship with you or them, then you may want to reconsider your relationship...but don't throw it away just yet...have more reason to kick him to the curb. Otter women will ALWAYS be present...at the office...at school...neighbors...in social situations..etc. You have to learn to live with this fact. Keep yourself healthy, happy and active...if he strays, you'll be ready for the next one. If he is not trustworthy...than why are you selling yoru self short? Just to be married?

Answer 9

i would push the wedding date back about 6 months and seek counseling. if he does not want counseling then he does not feel there is a problem. even if you feel there's a problem he should want to go to counseling. if he doesn't, then dump him and move on. if he does then he see's the pain he is causing and is willing to change. better to find out now then in 2 years after your married. follow your womens intuition, it will only lead you down the path that's right for you. don't listen to you heart. good luck

Answer 10

If this bothers you now and he continues to do it the you are heading for a marriage where you will be disrespected and should think twice. Don't let the pressure of the closeness of the date make you keep quiet about something that is robbing you of happiness because it could cost you unhappy years if you don't solve it now. If he is not ready for marriage you are better off accepting that than trying to make him conform.