I cheated. How can i mke amends?

Question

I was in a long-distance relationship for 3 years and during that time I cheated on the woman overseas with a girl in my hometown. At first it was just sex with the hometown girl but I loved the woman overseas. I became frustrated at the long distance relationship and I also started to fall for the hometown girl. Both of them found out about each other, it was really messy and I chose the hometown girl. I know I broke the overseas girls heart because at least the hometown girl knew about her but I couldn't see when we would be together because of the immigration restrictions. After 18 months with the hometown girl, I can’t get what I did to the overseas girl out of my head. I think I still lover her. I’ve tried contacting her for a year but she is still angry and won’t take my calls. I am starting to feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. What should I do?

Answer 1

You have sinned, however everyoen is a sinner. It's impossible to not sin. I suggest you to stop talking with this girl [or just become friends] and don't get to close to any girls for that matter. Tell someone about this, probably someone yo utrust and can give you good tips for this problem. Also tell your girlfriend about this [say sorry and think of a good speech to say], and maybe she'll forgive you [since you didn't really do anything with the other women], but don't be surprised or angry if she doesn't take you back. Also make sure that you goto a church and allow God to forgie your sins.

Answer 2

Well, they know about each other, but this is not necessarily a good thing since they found about each other through each other. I might have been different if you had been the one to tell, but still, you have made a huge mistake and i think that you know you have lost out on the overseas girl. You should have thought about the future and the consequences when you were with the hometown girl. I know long distance relationships are hard, and that is why when my highschool boyfriend of 2 years left to join the marines when we were 18---we dated from the time we were 16-18 and then he up and left and said that there was nothing left for him on our hometown and left to boot camp---i was hurt, but i thought that if this is what he wants to do, i cannot sit and worry about him. I let him go and did not call him or try to contact him because i knew if he died or was hurt i could not bear it--this was 4 years ago and i still have never heard from him or seen him again. He was my first love and it was hard to let go, but I knew that long distance stuff never works out, so I made my choice. You should have thought about all the stuff that might happen if overseas girl found out, and I honestly don't blame her for not talking to you, you screwed up and she should not talk to you. Who knows, you might break her heart again by cheating!

Answer 3

When you are in a committed relationship, it means that you are committing your mind and body. Cheating because of sexual frustration is no excuse, if you knew that you couldn't handle a long distance relationship, then you shouldn't have gotten into one. There are no more rules when it comes to sexual morality, the only rule is that anything goes, and biblically thats not right. If you say you love someone, then that love shouldn't be a love convienent to you. All you had to do was call it off, that way even though long distance girl may be hurt, it wouldn't have been as bad as knowing the person that you trusted could violate that trust, and intentionally keep information that would affect you.

Answer 4

to forgive and forget his hard to do for some people a especially when it comes a broken heart. either give her alot of space and I kno theres already alot considering shes overseas but apparently that wasn't enough because of what u did do that then try to make a grand gesture a poem along with an apology or even, now this may be a bit much suprise visit her if u really want to show her you care, now if that doesnt work well then she really hates u good luck sry.( hope this advice helps by the by I have a question in the same deptarment that needs some attention)

Answer 5

Some times you can't make amends. You have to live with what you've done. You should have thought about all this to begin with. The grass aint always greener on the other side. But if it was meant to be and it was true love it will come back to. Its hard to forgive someone cheating on you regardless if its a long distance relationship. She may think you can never be faithful or that u did her wrong from the begining. I think maybe you should just move on. If she hadn't replied to you in a year she's probaly not going to. Who's to say she hasn't moved on? Good Luck

Answer 6

My heart bleeds for you. I made a similar mistake about 7 years ago. Since then I was told I was forgiven and ended up marring him 3 years later. We lived as a married couple for 4 years and we are currently in the mist of a very ugly divorce. I was honest with him 7 years ago about why I cheated on him and swore my life I would never do it again, which is true to this day. For the last seven years he has never trusted me, he has lied to me, etc., because he believes that is what I deserve for what I did 7 years ago, even though prior to our marriage it was never to be spoken of again.
I hate to be a pessimist but you are in a no win situation if you tell the truth. If you are truly sorry from the bottom of your heart and will never let it happen again, take it to your grave and hope you are forgiven.

Answer 7

In your quest for self discovery, you've made one person profoundly unhappy and it looks like you're getting ready to make another person unhappy.

Make amends? It doesn't mean taking up with the women you rejected. That's for sure. And, by the way, how will you make amends to the hometown girl you're about to dump?

Look. The best thing you can do for both of them is to get out of their lives. You want to make amends? Do that.

Before you stumble on to your next destructive relationship, you ought to pause and consider how cruel you have been. Get to know yourself better. If you can't sustain a commitment in a relationship, let the future women know that up front.

Stop kidding yourself that your changeableness is really an effort to make amends. You're merely tired of the hometown girl. Come to terms with that fact before you begin a new relationship.

Answer 8

Your are wracked with guilt which is a worthless commodity and a negative motivator. Long distance relationships don't have a good track record of success. Your choice for the local girl was logical and heartfelt. She gave you and gives you what you need, You need to find closure and to let go. It's not fair to your local girl to harbor these feelings. She knows the girl overseas, but she is a peace that you chose her. Cherish what you have

Answer 9

There's nothing you can do. To be honest, it's likely that Overseas Girl will never forgive you for cheating on her and then choosing someone else. Really, there's no reason for her to. You betrayed her trust, broke her heart, and told her she wasn't good enough for you.

If you want, you can try to get in contact with her through email, but don't expect her to be nice or even to bother responding.

Answer 10

there really isnt nothing you can do. you have to understand that she got hurt and does not want to do anything with you. also, give her time. being cheated on during a 3 year relationship is not something one forgets. she probably wanted a life with you.
i do not know if you still love her (due to you;ve been dating the new girl for over a year), i might be, but, it can also be guilt, A WHOLE LOT of it.
just understand, she wants to move on and hear from you maybe to not get more hurt.
some people need that.