i have 3 13 yearolds ,should i let them start having girl/boy friends?

Question

have 3 tweenagers they all calaim to have new "friends" i believe they are not emotionally ready for such a committment.and the MEDIA does'nt project a positive image of dating/courtship

Answer 1

This is a hard one to call.

On the one hand, kids are growing up much too fast these days. I was one of the lucky ones, who stayed pretty much equally childish to my age, until after I was 16 years old. But we all know of those girls who got pregnant at 12, because MTV says they should be having sex.

On the other hand, we KNOW that they are only going to "date" at school if Poppi says no to dating openly. And once they are out of our sight, they are out of control.

I don't think you're going to like to hear that the very best thing you can do for your three 13 year olds is to let them date openly. But set boundaries. If they respect you, they will respect the boundaries (as long as they are not ridiculously strict).

I guess it comes down to finding out just how much self respect you have already instilled in your kids. And whether or not they have good judgement when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

Talk to them about your fears. Be open about your expectations. And allow them to take another few steps into adulthood, dad. You have to learn to let go of them just a little bit, and trust them to act in a way that would make you proud.

Answer 2

I work in a library and, on some grounds, your mom has good reason for not letting you go. Libraries attract all sorts of people, and I have yet to find a library that doesn't attract at least one or two (if not 10) freaks, perverts, or other weirdos. A library, though quiet and more isolated than, say, the mall, is still a public place, and the librarians are not there to babysit - they are there to help people find books and keep noise levels down. On this same note, if your mother is like mine, she's probably worried about what could happen while you're walking from your house to the library or vice versa - especially if you'll be walking by yourself at any point during that walk. She might feel more comfortable with the idea if it were a group of you and your friends going there. I personally don't like it when kids are sent to the library without their parents to "hang out" because they talk loudly, laugh and giggle, require constant shushing, leave messes, and hog all the computers for games, facebook, myspace, etc. instead of leaving those computers open for people who may actually need to do homework (*gasp!* what a concept). Also, a number of kids come into the library and use the computers for things that their parents may not let them use the computers for, since, at least at the library I work at, there are no "parental controls" of any sort on the computers. If this is what you're planning on doing at the library, I'd highly recommend you reconsider. But if this is one of your mom's fears, you can find some way to reassure her. On the other hand, however, you will be thirteen soon, and with that you should be allowed a few more freedoms. Don't go to your mom and beg - show her you're mature by being mature about it, and she might start to realize that you're old enough. Also, if you can figure out all of her fears and find ways to reassure her that you and your friends will be safe, you might have a strong argument.

Answer 3

Having boy/girlfriends at that age is not a serious commitment.
I had a boyfriend when I was 11. actually off and on for the next 3 years after that. Just the one boy. We never even kissed. But at that age, like somebody else said, you don't do much. Sit together at lunch, talk on the phone, write notes to each other, we walked around the mall because my parents wouldn't let me date yet...
When I was 14, I had my first kiss. And my parents taught me what I could and should not do and the why's of it all. If your 13 year olds seem like they have a good head on their shoulders, then why not. You are not giving them permission to have sex or anything crazy... If you keep open conversation with them, they can date and have fun without you having to worry about the crazy sex stuff. Just make sure they know the rules and the "dates" know the rules and you meet them before they are allowed to date. They will soon be in high school, let them act like high schoolers.
Good luck...boy, 3 at once! Glad I don't have that stress. :)

Answer 4

It's completely normal that at that age they like other girls/boys and that they have special friends, but a special friend is very different from a boy/girlfriend. Let them have special friends, but set some rules. Anyway, they will do it anyway behind your back, so is better for you to give them the trust they need.

Answer 5

I'm 14 by the way... you can't forbid them in starting dating that would only make them made and they would start doing things you don't want them to do behind your back... what ever you do DON'T FREAK OUT! sit down talk to them...
it's true parents know whats best for there kids, but its up to them to know if they are ready or not... just inlighten then to the risks, you can always say what you think but for your own mental heath don't forbid them

Answer 6

being committed to one person is a huge responsibility for a 13 year old. I'd say wait til they are 14 and let them date restrictively. (Like invite friends of the opposite sex over to the house).

Answer 7

You should let them. I'm 13 and me and my parents and practially everyone else at my school thinks 13 and 14 is a good time to start having boy/girlfriends

Answer 8

I think u should make them wait to start the whole boy/girl friend thing becuz their really not ready i know it's a lot of responsibility

Answer 9

Well, its really the dad's choice or mom's. The right limit is 16-over years of age. Maybe after 16 years of age you can let them have girl or boy friends. Thats my suggustion :).

Answer 10

there is really no way you can stop them,at that age,its just a word.just dont give them too much freedom,its just a cool school thing i dont think that its a big deal,my son and daughter only have them at school i wont allow them to really go OUT any where for them to get into trouble.kids will do what they want weather its behind your backk or not you have to learn hopw to trust them,and hope you raised them right.good luck