The mind games are getting old and I am pregnant and just don't want to deal with this stuff this year...
2006-12-17 08:55:54 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it is your life and being a family member is not a license to obligate you to put up with b.s.
2006-12-17 09:02:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 2 sayings that you should keep in mind...1) Kill them with kindness and 2) When others speak badly of you, live so that no one can believe it. You are the bigger person. If you show them that you love them no matter what, one day they will realize how they hurt you. If they say anything about you being pregnant, say "Yes, I know that my decision was wrong but I am going to try and make it right by being there for my child no matter what it takes, and I want to thank you for standing by me in this. That means a lot !" That will put them back for awhile. If someone hurts you or says something rude, walk away. I DO think that you need to go, because obviously you care enough to question spending a special time with them. A lot of people are just on a religious kick and need someone to show them how to really be "Christ like". You may have done something wrong but allowing yourself to grow from this will only help you. I am living with my fiance' and have been for almost 1 year 1/2. I was so upset with the constant complaining and judgement that I started resenting my family. I know that this is not what I should be doing and I know that God sees my heart and knows that I do try to live right. That's all I can do. The last time my family said something to me I said " You know, I know that moving in with him wasn't God's will but I have prayed about it and I know God sees my heart. I am planning on working it out to get married and until then I just want to say thank you for respecting my decision. I know that you don't approve and I realize you are right but under the current circumstances there are no options left. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and count on my family for support. I would rather not discuss this situation because all that does is cause conflict. If an arguement starts I will leave because I can't take anymore fighting." My family doesn't even bring the subject up unless it's positive! I'll be praying for you!
2006-12-17 09:25:55 · answer #2 · answered by sonnygirl0303 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to remember here is that no one "makes" you feel anything. You decide how to feel based on your own positive or negative image of yourself. The question to ask yourself is when did you start believing that someone else's opinion of you mattered more that your own opinion of you. Live in your head, not in the heads of others and ignore the slings and arrows that others cast as they only get through because you let them. I realize that this is most difficult with your family, but the concepts are the same, and you just have to remember to put on your elephant skin before you go. I came from a dysfunctional family, and some years ago, I drew very distinct boundaries for them saying that I wouldn't accept this behaviour from an acquaintance or a friend, and I won't accept it from you, especially a family member, who I believe should treat me better than everbody else. The one's who refused to respect those boundaries, got booted out of my life (My Dad and my brother), and I have never looked back.
My suggestion to you at this time, since you are pregnant and probably a little more susceptible to their verbal barbs and untoward behaviour, is to take a year off and just send a card or make phone calls to wish them a happy Xmas. Finally, feel sorry for them, as they are stuck in the past and wallow in their own ignorance, and it's up to you to decide whether you want to go there or not. You know what is so good about beating your head against a concrete wall? It feels so good when you stop!
Good luck, and I hope you have a healthy and happy baby!!!
2006-12-17 09:39:02 · answer #3 · answered by Crowfeather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even Jesus said that his family were the people who did like him. Being born into a relationship with people do not make them family. Having a bond that works to improve your life and the life of the world is what makes a family. So many people stay tied to people who just drain them of life and love because they feel obligated. Families like yours and mine are lacking in personal self love and they can not help but make other people's lives miserable. You are lacking in self love and that is shown by you feeling like a bad person. If you think it over you've probably been the person there for your family no matter what they have done. That qualifies you as a great person even if only in your heart. It is not any less true just because they do not want to acknowledge it. Give yourself the love you have in your heart and protect yourself the same way you would your child. You would not send your child into an environment that would only create stress for him/her, so why would you do it to yourself. You have the responsibility to teach your child what love is and to honor it no matter what and that love has to be protected within our hearts even if it means letting go of the people you thought should be there in your life. I have had to do this and it did hurt but it was better to have 1 person love me than to have 10 people treat me poorly. That is love, the greatest gift a person can give the world is his life, make it a life that is a light of love and do not let anyone discourage your light from shining!
2006-12-17 10:41:30 · answer #4 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't blame you i am going threw some junk with my family this year to and i told my mom that i was coming over for Christmas but i wasn't staying because i rather be with my in laws see my husband is in rehab so my mom is being a total witch about the whole thing and making it seem like her drunk of a husband is better then mine so i rather go be with my mother and law because at lease she wants my husband home as much as i do and she has been the only help since he left my mom is just5 worried about mom we own her and his mom is helping us with the bills and stuff i hope you get threw this i know how you feel i am also pregnant and i have a 18 month old and an eight ye ar old step son who i have full time plus i work full time but just think next year you will have a family of your own and wont need them all you will care about is being with your child who will love you know matter what you do let god be with you and marry Christmas
2006-12-17 09:07:19 · answer #5 · answered by ashley l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one says that just because they are family; they can't be bad for your mental health. If it stresses you out to be around your family, especially in a fragile state, where stress is definitely not recommended. Then go somewhere else for Christmas. Be around some people that you know makes you feel like having a good time.
2006-12-17 10:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see i can actually compare that with my life an the stuff i go thru.see im not going to none of my familys christmas or new years1!!!!!!see i moved in with my fiancee and my dad makes me feel like iam the bad person around herea and not just that im 18 yrs old and hes going around telling what i did and when i did it when i was liveing with him,he makes everybody thinks that my fiancee is a bad guy but hes actually not....
2006-12-17 09:21:24 · answer #7 · answered by peaches 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mind games arent they just so much fun not.U dont need that stress while being pregnant maybe just pop over for a quick visit and just say u have others to go and see.
2006-12-17 09:06:33 · answer #8 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course not Christmas is a day for you to spend enjoying yourself with your family. and if your family dosen't want to be around you or whatever then don't make such a big deal about it. Enjoy yourself without them.
2006-12-17 09:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by Perfection 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We already exchanged names for this year but I already have excuses for the next couple of years. We are in the same boat as far as how our families make us feel. Tell them your doctor said you need to avoid stress and you need to stay home in a quiet atmosphere.
2006-12-17 09:02:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have no idea what you are talking about. Since you arepregnant do not go if you arefinding Christmas stressful. Pregnancy is a stressful time anyway.
2006-12-17 09:16:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋