should i tell her?

Question

My ex has not been in the picture for about 3 years, my daughter lives with me and has not seen her mom in that long. I still talk to her family sometimes but i have no contact with her (her choice). Today i found out that my ex had a baby a while ago and so my daughter has a sister. The thing is that i don't know what to do about this situation, if my ex wanted our daughter to know then she would have said something but she didn't. The whole thing is, should i say something to my daughter about it or not say a word to her and not let her know, take into acount that there is no contact and my daughter will not see her half sister. Should i say something or just keep quiet about it and not mention it. My daughter is only 6, she may not understand things as a a grownup

Answer 1

Well I think you shouldn't tell her about it. Hold that till she grows up a little. If her mother hasn't seen her in 3 years she possibly won't want her new daughter to meet her firstborn, which would just hurt your daughter even more by knowing that she has a sister that she can't see. Try and contact her and ask her if she wants to let your kid know

Answer 2

Wow. This is a tough situation. Your daughter may be excited, at first, about having little sister and may want to see her. She may not understand why Mom wants a new baby but not her.

If you are afraid that she will find out from friends at school or cousins visiting for Christmas you should go ahead and tell her but if not, maybe you should wait a while. Your daughter may have abandonment issues already. She is so blessed to have a great Dad like you in her life. Best wishes.

Answer 3

At 6 she really isn't old enough to understand the situation. She may just know that she has a sister somewhere who she wants to play with but doesn't come to see her. That might be hurtful. I would keep that info to myself for a few more years. ( Perhaps until she's about 10 or 12 ) Keep tabs on the Ex and her daughter ( and perhaps future children) so your girl can find her half sibiling(s) later if she wants to.
Good luck and kudos to you for caring so much about your daughters well being.

Answer 4

Sounds like your ex has dumped you and the daughter to make a new life for herself.
Selfish, but that is apparently the way she is.. NO don't tell your 6 year old, its not your child and you won't be seeing her, its your ex who doesn't want to be part of her life.
When your daughter gets older she might want to ask more questions about the mother then just keep a book on events that you have heard about. If she says 'why didn' tyou tell me' you can say' that she didn't think it was necessary to tell you'.
Let her make her own decision what a jerk her mom is.. hopefully you can give your daughter a good life and it won't be a huge loss, some moms are just not worthy of the name.

Answer 5

If the time comes that your daughter will again meet with her mother, then at that time, she'll actually see her half sister. At that moment, an attitude of "no big deal" from you will tell her how to feel about the whole thing. She doesn't know to be shocked or feel betrayed right now, so if you're there to "show her" how to feel when the meeting happens, she'll be just fine (so long as she is confident in her relationship with you).

Also, telling her could cause tremendous jealousy and hurt in your daughter and a feeling that "Mommy replaced" her.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I would wait a while to tell her, until she can understand the situation better, and waiting could be a very good thing if by chance in the future your ex re-establishes contact with you and is willing to let her daughter meet her sister, atleast that way when you told your daughter she would be able to meet her sis.
My opinion is that at age 6 these things really don't matter so you shouldn't be worried about harming your daughter by not telling her right away

Answer 7

If I were you I would straight up tell her that her mommy has a baby and she is a big sister. When I was that age I had a lot of secrets kept from me and my mom told me she didn't think I would have understood, I told her that I wish I would have none the truth about things then. I didn't find out that I had an older sister until a couple of years ago. I wish my mom would have told me and I still don't even know if my sister knows I exist she's 18.

Answer 8

Your daughter might be a little young for all that news. In her mind she might not understand why a mommy didnt want her, but wanted another baby. That is really a tough call to make. As a parent you want to protect her feelings. In time she will want to know things about "mommy" and if it were me i might wait until she starts asking questions before giving info on her half sister and such. Whatever you decide, good luck and kudos to you for being a stand up person and taking care of your daughter on your own!

Answer 9

It is best to keep quiet for now, & several years to come.
If you tell your daughter, she will wonder why her mom doesn't come & see her. She may feel that something is wrong with her, in that her mom has no contact. It is best to leave the issue be as it is, until she is in her teens, or an adult. (Unless her mom comes back in the picture earlier)
Good Luck to You!!

Answer 10

I have a 5 yr old daughter. She often has a way of "not understanding" things as a grown up also. However, that is another way of saying that they don't complicate things with their thinking. I have always given my daughter the truth straight up. So for sure do not lie, which includes masking the truth if it comes up. However, it may not be appropriate to bring it up. Why dangle issues in front of her if they are not her concern? Just be prepared to level with her if it presents itself in the future. Don't try to control her feelings about it, just present it straight up and stand your ground as to the how's and why's of what you did to raise her healthy.