My daughter, her husband, and their daughter live with me in a 950 square foot home. They are disorganized and my daughter is lazy when it comes to being neat. They have two dogs and a cat also and I do not have the heart to take them away from my granddaughter. To add to the chaos my home does not have a dining area and their dining table is in the middle of my living room. They are poor money managers. My son-in-law has a good job but he has no incentive to do anything more concerning the home (such as trying to get his family situated in a home of their own)and neither of them have a lot of self-control concerning money. Please do not tell me to ask them to move because my granddaughter is my primary concern. I have a lot of stress on my job also and sometimes just feel I cannot deal with things anymore. I wish I could get therapy but do not know how to go about getting it on my limited income. Are there any coping suggestions out there?
2006-12-17 07:30:06 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First of all, blessings to you that you have a kind heart and love to give them a place to stay. I would have an adult discussion with your daughter and son-in-law and lay down some ground rules, It is YOUR home, you make the rules, and sadly must also enforce them, which IS stressful. Take a break for yourself for an afternoon if you can. Just as if they were still minors living under your roof, take away privileges if they do not respect your rules. Plus, since they are employed, charge them RENT. You can divide up the expenses and explain to them that this is a reality dose so they will not be shocked when they do get their own place. If you do not need the money yourself you could put that into savings bonds or an account for your granddaughter(with yourself as the co-owner) or you might use it to "save for them" to get their own place. Be firm, loving and strong. What a lovely chance to celebrate the holidays with your grandchild and family. Blessings to you, for a loving heart and best of luck in finding a solution that both retains your sanity and health, yet helps them to become self-sufficient adults.
Since you expressed a great deal of love and desire to protect and care for your granddaughter why not you two take a day off to the zoo, a movie or something fun and let the grown-up kids do some housework to help pitch in.
2006-12-17 08:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Wildwood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how they managed to move in with you or if they are paying you rent. There must be more to this since you have a concern about your granddaughter. It also sounds like your daughter does not work.
It is kind of late to do this but I would start. It is time for them to begin looking for a place of their own. Since they are currently living under your roof, here are the rules:
Set a payment for rent monthly and a date for payment - do take this money and put it in your bank. If you want to put it asside for your granddaughter some day fine but take it. The other two need to learn life is not a free ride.
Set a payment for a maid once a week or your daughter starts cleaning - if the work does not get shared by the whole, then they will have to pay to have their portion cleaned for them. You are not super woman and cannot do it all. Fact of Life. This will free up time for you.
I don't know what your schedule is but at least once a week you should take a few hours and tell them all to get out of your house. You do nothing - no cleaning - except something that you enjoy and relaxes you. If you don't you will go crazy. I have been there.
Put all of this in writing and have both your son-in-law and daughter sign it. Put penalties in of monetary value for anything that is broken in the agreement. Have a friend help you or come back with questions, we will help. You will have to stay strong for this to work. It is hard but the only way the adults will grow up.
If there are other reasons that you have concerns for your granddaughter, then you need to contact your local Social Services office. Talk with them about any situation and seek their advice. If at that point there is a reason, kick out the adults and get court custody of your granddaughter until they can manage their lives.
2006-12-17 07:53:44 · answer #2 · answered by Margaret K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit them down and have a talk. Tell them you will help them find a place to live. Give them a month, say by the end of January. Let them know you care and that you will help them look but your place is too small for them along with the pets. Don't feel as though you are kicking them out because you aren't. They need their own place too. Maybe they can have someone help with managing their money. They can do some counseling to manage it themselves.
2006-12-17 07:51:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's YOUR home, take control of it. If they don't like the rules, they are free to move out and go live somewhere else. It's not your job to house them, you did your job and raised your daughter and her husband needs to be man enough to take care of his family. Suggest he start doing that today, right now!
2006-12-17 07:43:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best therapy for you is to go home and tell them you have had enough. You love them but your home is to small for that size family and that their going to have to be out his next paycheck. If they are overbearing you may have to get them evicted they are taking advantage of your nice attitude. Put them out that is the only way you can make them leave.
2006-12-17 07:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, in case your so conserned approximately your mom (her grandma) you shouldn't drink andcontinual (no longer so which you could besides) she has a suitable to be mad at you for being in a injury jointly as intoxicated. onto the question, you need to have her take your grandmother to the place she needs to pass, it may build duty. the substantial's the youngster should be greater corgile to you and your grandmother. yet you dont have plenty ability until you may get whoever the vehicle belongs to (who owns the identify) trust an thought it particularly is extremely helpful to set forth.
2016-10-18 10:08:53 · answer #6 · answered by winstanley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
KICK THEM OUT!!! Tough love. I have kids and I will help them but not support them financially once they are on their own. Let them go bankrupt or whatever they need to figure it out. You have your life to live.
2006-12-17 07:36:46 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to them and let tohem know how you feel.........be very honest but sensitive! Tell them you are willing to help but there are limits abd boundaries. Give them a set time to be out your house (nicey), tell them you are willing to help them, achieve this goal.
2006-12-17 07:39:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough love,have them move out
2006-12-17 07:56:08 · answer #9 · answered by charmel5496 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋