My sister is a cheapskate!!!?

Question

Every year we send her kids nice toys for Christmas, nothing extravagant, just fun stuff because we believe that Christmas is for kids. Every year she sends me a little box of junk you can buy at a dollar store. This year we received a small box full of japanese snacks. We are not japanese, nor do we like japanese snacks. She didnt even wrap them nor put a card inside, nothing. Just a box with like .99 snacks inside and a beat up frame, which she probably purchased at the dollar store with the pictures of her kids. (which by the way are the same pictures we got last year).

Now hear me, she is not hurting for money. She owns a restaurant and has a nice house and she is well off. So why these crappy gifts?

My question is..should I stop sending her kids nice toys and spend as much as she spends on us? or should I talk to her? and if I do, how do I tactfully ask her to please stop sending us these crappy gifts that will end up in the trash anyway.

No need to be judgemental here. Im asking a valid question. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

SHARMEL...Thank you..that was a great answer! Ive been wondering if she is trying to send me a message with her gifts...i just couldnt get it. I think I will send them a FAMILY gift this time..something like from Harry and David or something like that and let that be the precedence for years to come. I just feel bad for the kids because I know they look forward to our gifts every year. But to be honest, the older they get, the more expensive the toys get and they are starting to hurt our budget. Our kids are getting older too and so maybe that is the reason for her excentric gifts, to put it mildly. I just wish that she didnt send me ANYTHING that send me something I cant even use.

Thanks for your responses. Keep them coming if you want.

I think some of you are missing the point, or maybe I just didnt explain it...

What so bothers me is the thoughtlesness of her gifts. They always seem hurried and without thought. Case in point this year. Why is she sending us japanese snacks? If she had a purpose, why not include a note saying something like "we have been learning about the japanese culture and their snacks and we wanted to share these with you". No, no note, no Merry Christmas, nothing. Just a bunch of snacks thrown in a box.

That was my point. We spent hours thinking what to give her kids to make sure that the gifts match their personality,etc. and every year we get these hurried gifts from her that have no thought, they match nobody in my family and end up in the trash right after.

oh well..thanks for your input.

Answer 1

Maybe she aint as well off as you think she is. Be happy that she at least sends something.

Answer 2

Well, first, according to you, Christmas is for kids. So why are you putting adult values on the gifts she sends you? Do your kids care or do they hear you complaining and then care? Just keep sending her kids the usual toys etc. and let her give what she wants as gifts.
If you're truly concerned, the next time the two of your are alone, ask her about where she purchases her Christmas gifts! Would you kids enjoy Christmas more without her gifts?

Answer 3

Just be yourself, giving and loving and continue to send her kids the thoughtful things that you send them. Tell her that it's okay if she doesn't send anything back, it's just you wanting to send something each year. Hopefully the conversation will build up and you can tell her that you've already got the stuff that she sends each time. If she still doesn't stop sending you stuff or just doesn't get it, let her be. It's just in her nature to be what she is. She is your sister and you can't change that. Resign to the fact that she will do the same each year, sigh at it, smile and feel at peace. Go ahead and be a great aunt to her children without expecting back. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! :-)

Answer 4

It depends on how you feel about her kids. If you love them, and want to treat them at Christmas time, then keep giving them the good stuff.

If you are simply trading presents from an economic standpoint, and don't feel like you are getting back as much as you are putting in financially then you can stop sending anything at all until you feel like it has evened out.

Don't get caught in the trap of fairness.You'll forget about the cheap crap your sister has sent, or laugh about it in your old age. But, those kids will always remember what a wonderful aunt you have been.

Answer 5

I can't believe that your sister has ever ASKED you to send her and her children any particular kind of "stuff" for christmas, of any particular value. In fact there is a strong possibility that she could be trying to figure out a way to tell you to stop doing it. She knows that YOU know she is "financially secure" and, rightly or wrongly, she might have got the impression that you are expecting a bunch of "classy stuff".
Forget for a moment that she IS your sister, and ask yourself why would you believe she is obligated to send you and your children expensive christmas gifts? I admit that if she is as "well off" as you suggest, it's a little odd that she would be able to send "trash" to you without even feeling ashamed or embarrassed. But I would like to run one thought by you that might not have occurred to you. I, too, am in a position of not being short of a few bucks. But when husband and I go shopping for gifts for friends and acquaintances of very different financial levels, we are verrrrry sensitive to the fact that you can't go buying $100 gifts for people whose income level would make it impossible for them to get US something of equal value. We don't want them to feel awkward, or embarrassed, or just downright uncomfortable. We pick gifts that have good "purpose value", but carefully chosen from the kind of price range that we know would not be wildly beyond what they could probably afford to buy for themselves. It is just possible that your sister is attempting to do the same thing, only she just isn't getting it quite right LOL
One way you might diplomatically handle this is to say to your sister "By the way, those kids of ours are reeeally hard on their stuff, and I hate for you to be getting something for them that's gonna get mangled before the New Year. If you just want to get them SOMETHING.... and then make a few suggestions where you can be almost certain she would have to pick something that has some durability to it.. The only other thing I can think of is what you said yourself....... downplay the cost of what you send to her for HER kids.

Answer 6

You actually answered your own question. "because we believe that Christmas is for kids" So continue to send her kids the gifts you have always sent.

Regarding confronting your sis, touchy touchy touchy. I wouldn't do it during this season. And as for how to, well you would be the best judge of that, you know her better than all of us. Would she be offended at even a tactful comment?

So, do what you do (gifts) because it makes YOU feel good, and its nice for her children. Know off the top that you aren't going to be getting anything usable from sis, and laugh at her lack of imagination.

Answer 7

I sort of agree with'"Howard the duq".You don't have to be an Atheist to feel that way about Christmas though.Christmas is so commercialized and its pretty depressing for me.Just the idea on exchanging gifts makes me resent Christmas all together.Why even bother to exchange gifts?You pick someones name and they actually tell you what they want(mostly gift certificates).If you want to give your family gifts,it should come from your heart.Don't expect anything back in return either.Nobody ever has to know what you give.It's all about how you feel after giving.

Answer 8

Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't like the presents that you are sending her?

Example: "My kids already have enough toys, why do they need more? Her kids already have toys, so I'll send them some cool new snacks that my kids love."

Try talking to her. Ask her how her kids like the presents that you sent them. Get some insight from her. Let her know that the presents ended up in the trash, but be sure to be sincere.

Hope this works!

Answer 9

Well you really dont need to spend that much on Christmas gifts for her kids and talk to her and say " Megan (her real name would be nice tho) I know that you and me are really good sisters and more and I'd really would like something better than what you have been sending me."

Answer 10

I can totally understand what you are saying, but when it comes to family, such words could cause trouble! I don't know how your sister would react to you asking her not to send crappy gifts! If you feel strongly about this, just keep it to yourself and spend a little less on her kids, you will feel better and she is none the wiser!

Answer 11

Do you have kids and she is sending your kids .99 store crackers? Or is she sending YOU the crackers. If you have no kids then what's the problem? I'd continue to give her kids some nice toys unless she is ignoring your kids. I have no idea if that made any sense. lol