It's my birthday today I'm upset, I've done nothing special. My fiance sprawled out watching football, left me to entertain our daughter all day and then had a go at me and made me cry, he also made me cook tea and we are now not talking. He gets me so angry, he completely neglects our daughter (14 months) and lets her cry for ages before he goes to her, he expects me to do everything while he lounges about, I just wanted a day off. Sorry this is more of a rant than a question, does anyone ever feel the same?
2006-12-17 05:49:44 · 56 answers · asked by suckaslug 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Listen, I have a daughter, things pretty much the same for me with her dad when we were together. I sat him down and said that I didn't want to argue about it, but he either changed or i would leave him. I then told him exactly what was acceptable and not acceptable, I had to give him a chance.
He didn't take me very seriously and I left him less than a month later. What a weight off my shoulders, it was like being alive again!!!
He was a belittling, selfish, spoilt little boy, and it didn't matter how I approached the situation, he would do as he pleased with no regard to myself or our child. I warned him twice that I would go, and the shock he got when I actually did!
I have never looked back, had some crappy boyfriends since, married a great man. Happy as Larry now.
You deserve better than this, but he deserves a chance. Tell him that you WILL leave him if he doesn't sort it out, but you need to be specific in what you need from him, and fair too.
The most important thing though, is to decide yourself, right now, that you will actually go if it's not guna work, otherwise he will be able to tell it's an empty threat.
The way I saw it was, I wasn't happy, how can I bring up a child who is happy with a miserable mother who fights with her father all the time?
I don't think it can be done.
I am her mother first and foremost, but it's not ALL I am. I , and you, have a right to have a life outside of parenthood, so don't listen to any of the God squad who might say he's your childs father you should stay together yadda yadda.
Rubbish.
Relationships change, people change, situations change, and we adapt. You two can be a successful parenting team together, even if you are no longer living together. My daughters dad and me have a good relationship, he's here xmas etc.
I do think it is very important if you do decide to go, that you never prevent him having access to your child, I would never condone that, nor am I encouraging you to just leave him, give him a chance to change, but ultimatley, if someone wants to do something, and it's important to them, or someone they love, they only have to be asked once................
Good luck..........
xxx
2006-12-17 06:11:00 · answer #1 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should have gone out early this morning, taken your kid to a friend's house & gone off & had a good time. If hubby wants his tea, he can either order a takeaway or learn how to cook (or eat raw). If you really don't feel like going home, you could also pack a bag & get away from him. Do that tomorrow, while he's at work (or out, if he doesn't work). Don't leave a note, just go. He doesn't deserve an explanation if he's treating you like that.
I hope I've cheered you up a bit (Happy Birthday, by the way).
2006-12-17 06:00:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, but I think you may need to look for a new man. If he's a fiance then, there's still time. What are you a maid? A nannie?
My friend is getting tired of being in the same boat after 7 years, she's planning on gettting out of a relationship like the one you've described.
You may want to do all the things relationship counsellors and "girlfriends" suggest but visualise for a minute if you had the things you want from your fiance, do you feel comfortable with the image?
You could go to him and say, here's our daughter, YOU watch her. I'm going to watch a movie and treat myself to a nice dinner. Tell him you expect the house to be clean and you expect a nice pudding for when you get back and the cookbook is on the kitchen counter.
That might wake him up.
If that image makes you think it could result in a row, then he doesn't care about you and is using you.
2006-12-17 05:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by KD 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, Darlin'! #1 Happy Birthday.
"Happy Birthday to you; happy birthday to y ou. Happy BIRTHday, How Old are you? Happy birthday to you. (and many more).
(no I'm not asking your age. I'm singing you a song to be sure SOMEONE does)
Hi! No, I've never felt the same because I would never put up with the emotional abuse you're putting up with from the guy who is screwing you (yuo've had a child together) and when he's "done with you", you're hamburger in the fridge.
Get a life, find a decent man, kick this murphy to the curb.
Of course, you won't listen. Women form these ridiculous attachments, "he's the only man who'll ever want me."
Nonsense, if you can carry a conversation, dress yourself, look nice, hold hands, cuddle, make love, and take care of children, you've accomplished more than he has, and we're (me, too) lined up waiting for you to be "free and available."
Do I feel for you? "Damn straight." Let us decent guys know when you're freed up and available.
In the meantime, quit cooking, quit cleaning, quit screwing the guy on his schedule, tell him to shape up or ship out-- AND MEAN IT-- and look for a nice guy like me. I promise you when your bedroom door is marked "Closed", he'll find someplace else to hang his hat.
2006-12-17 05:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by John1212 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Please don't cry. Happy Birthday anyway. Go out tommorrow with your daughter and have a treat day instead. Make sure when you get home you do not prepare a meal for your husband. When he asks where his tea is, say you and your daughter already had yours when you went out and he'll have to make his own. If you have a telly in your bedroom and dvd player in there too, put on a really teary deary movie and have a good cry you'll feel better afterwards.
2006-12-17 05:55:49 · answer #5 · answered by patsy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well let me start by saying Happy Birthday! Yeah I completely understand you and I go through it all the time and I'm pregnant. But I snapped at him about two weeks ago and threatened to leave him (pregnant and all). I told him that if he doesn't get off his a$s I would be gone. Since then I have been the center of his attention. Much luck Birthday Girl.
2006-12-17 05:55:12 · answer #6 · answered by miss_peaches 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel the same, but I do feel for you, though. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sweetie, from all my heart! God, some men don't know their luck! There are so many out there who are desperate to find a lady to love, he should pamper you and simply make you feel loved. It's obviously not the case today, but is he always like that? If that is the case, then you need to seriously think about your future; do you really want to be with him? If you do, you must lay down some rules and make sure you get some respect. Good luck. xx
2006-12-17 05:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by Serene 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand...i went through the same situation once...my boyfriend would never appreciate anything i did, i was convinced he loved me, but at the same time, i was giving soo much, putting soo much effort in the relationship, and he would just take it all for granted. You lnow what honey, you deserve a break, you deserve to be happy on your birthday, and the sooner you do something about it the better. Talk to him, and ask him to shapen up for you, and if hes not willing to do that, then im sorry, but he is not worth your time and your tears.
Good luck, i hope it turns out for the best.
2006-12-17 05:54:22 · answer #8 · answered by Molly 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am. My girlfriend does that every day, while I look after the children, take them to the childminders, pick them up and cook their dinner. The only reason I don`t take them to bed is I work nights and I`m not there to do it for them. Every time something needs doing round the house she mysteriously comes down with something and needs to go to bed and lie down and watch a DVD, and suddenly feels better after whatever needs doing is done. So I sympathise with you and, late as it is, happy birthday and I hope you enjoy the rest of the day ahead of you.
2006-12-17 08:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by dnlrawson 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say honey, It's my birthday time for me to have fun leave your daughter with him and go call some friends and go out. It does not matter where as long as it is somewhere or to the mall to lunch anywhere. Happy Birthday Good Luck
2006-12-17 05:53:16 · answer #10 · answered by princessjny95 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋