Help! My mother is driving me crazy!?

Question

I love my parents,but they are getting on my nerves! My mother has this habit of coming over or calling me asking me to come by her to help her clean up or whatever. She just wants company, but sometimes I don't want to be around her or other family members because of the confusion and drama! I DON'T LIKE DRAMA! Yesterday what should have been a nice family outing was of course confusion and fussing, because some people just can't live in peace. I think I need a break from my family. I love them but I just don't know what to say or how to tell them that they are making me sick or that they are toxic! My soul is crushed and my heart is divided between being kind to my family members (mother especially) and saying no to them when I don't want to be around them. I am so tired of feeling guilty about it! I can't have a life outside of them and I want one. A life where I can take a break from them!!!

Answer 1

All this drama is yours because if you don't speak up for your self then who will ?You are allowing others to make choices for you and then you complain and blame them for doing what you allow them to do.People treat you as you allow your self to be treated.What's wrong with looking out for what's best for you and your sanity?GET IT TOGETHER AND SAY WHATEVER YOUR HEART NEEDS YOU TO SAY AS LONG AS WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUTH.If someones feelings get hurt along the way then o,well life will go on.

Answer 2

I used to have the same problem.

I just stopped answering the phone when my mother would call. I assume you have caller ID.

It sounds like you need to agressively find some friends so you can answer the phone when she calls and say you have plans.

Since you don't live with your parents, I would think it would be fairly easy to turn down these offers of toxic get togethers.

How would they know if you're going to be busy or not?
If your mom complains, just simply remind her that you have a life besides just family.

Hopefully the number of calls will start to decline.

Please don't feel guilty. You have every right to feel annoyed by all the drama. Anyone in their right mind, WOULD be aggrivated.

Actually by being around them that often, could result in a huge blow up down the line. You just might blow a gasket and create irreparable damage to your family relationship.

It's wise to keep your distance from time to time. Think of it this way. You are trying to protect your family from your having a nuclear breakdown. Lol.

Answer 3

You simply need to tell her the truth. I have a daughter and she is
22 years old. She complains I don't come over to visit, but they
both go to work and she knows I go every chance I get. As for you
well just let her know how you feel and then pick a day for your mom, so both of you can spend quality time together, no buts. That should end the fussing. As for the rest of the family, this will
give you time out from the rest of the family and hopefully your mom will understand. If she doesn't well then your back to square
one. Your and Adult I assume, since your living on your own.
That means you can ignore other phone calls, except your moms
just reason with her. If your working that is more then and excuse to say your tiered and you want to take a rain check, but
when you make that that rain check you do them with her and her
only. hopefully everything turns out the way you want it too.
Good Luck. I give my daughter and my son-in-law their space
I go over when they call me. I do take care of my grandchildren
while they go to work so everything works out just fine. We are
a close family. Plus we go out to eat and spend quality time
together when no else is around (well maybe my youngest
grand-daughter she is only 1 yr. old). So you can do this too
if you just tell her how you feel, honesty is the best policy.
She might feel a little hurt but, she will relize her little girl is
all grown up and needs some space.

Answer 4

Only you can take control of your life and the only one I would worry about hurting is your mom... I know about the family drama it can drive you crazy... just make a point of checking in with your mom once a week and otherwise when she calls or what ever keep it short and polite evcuse yourself to some thing you have to do... gradually back off... if you kick them all to the curb all at once the that will create more drama... do it in a way that they don't even notice your backing away...

I always said the best family is the ones you pick and choose... I have lots of friends that we treat each other as family and that's who I replaced my family with ... my friends... hang in there and take control, you have a choice use it... hope this helps!!!

Answer 5

You are going to have to learn to say NO. Just because they are your relatives, does not eliminate them from the category of Emotional Vampires. They are destructive...and you do need to create your own space, before you end up suffocating.

You are the one that is responsible for your own happiness, and if you should not feel guilty about being that way. Use the caller ID...and don't hesitate to block calls...contact them when you feel up to it, and leave as soon as they pressure you...sooner of later they will get the hint that "playing nice" equals more time with you.

Answer 6

I used to feel the same as you do. Until I lost my mother. When she asked me to paint a room in her house one Sunday, and I said no because I was tired, I regret that. Appreciate your mother. Spend the time now, because she may not always be here. And remember the times that she's been there for you, the least you can do is be there for her.

Answer 7

All I can think of is grow up! Your mom was there for you from birth, and this is how you repay her, if the bickering is bothering you then maybe you need to speak up.

All families fight it's natural, it's what the people do about it that makes a difference, if ya let it eat you up then yeah you're gonna be unhappy, but if you just blow it off and move on then it's no biggie.

Just think if you cut yourself off from your family, then if you need them for something who are you gonna go to?

My family annoys the you know what out of me, they are very selfish and petty, but they are my family and even though we don't talk much I'd die if anything bad happened to any of them.

I think you just need to relax and maybe find out why everyone is so grumpy.

Answer 8

Accept your Mother and what she does. One day you will not have her and you will regret what you are thinking. Do you need to get away form them at times? Absolutely! Just accept what your parents do and be greatful you have them in your life!

Answer 9

Give your mom a break--motherhood is EXTREMELY difficult.

Answer 10

get caller ID