I’ve been friends with this woman for years. She wanted to date me-so we dated for a few months. Then, she decides she just wants to be friends again. I was hurt-so I tell her I want to distance myself for a while to heal. She got angry with me. We kept going out just like before (now as “friends”) with only a kiss and hug every now and then. Other than her job and family, she spends the rest of her free time with me. She told me that nobody has shown love/concern for her like me-possibly including her own mother. She has had only abusive relationships with guys and was sexually abused as a child. She even told her therapist that I would be the perfect boyfriend, but she won’t go there. She told me that she has never had such an in depth connection with anyone like me-male or female. What’s up? I don’t get it.
2006-12-17 05:35:04 · 29 answers · asked by happy4u 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Obviously all this girl needs is time to heal and forget all her abusive past. She could do with a lot of affection on your part not necessarily sexually but in your ways and treatment to her. She needs to feel special. She needs to fall in love with you over and over again. Only love will keep you patiently waiting for her. Shower her with little gifts and flowers. Let her know how much she is loved. Above all, remember prayers do work. We have a Heavenly Father who loves us more than we can imagine. He is always ready to help if only you ask.
2006-12-17 05:59:40 · answer #1 · answered by Mirts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's had a history with bad relationships and with the abuse as a child, she's probably afraid to get too close to you. Because in her mind, you may become just like all the others she's had... and if you mean that much to her, she's probably afraid of losing that closeness you share. You should keep doing whatever youre doing, and she should continue to see her therapist... in time, you may become the man who breaks that mold she has been so used to... just be patient, it's hard for a woman to trust again after being hurt so much. You seem like a good guy, and thats just what she needs. Good Luck.
2006-12-17 05:42:31 · answer #2 · answered by emilytraci 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she still has some fences that she needs to tear down.
There is no doubt that she's really into you, but the problem is those fences she's been living behind have provided her security and now somethings (you) come up that threatens to tear them down.
She's scared, cause now comes the time or reckoning - should she take the risk and tear them down and believe in you - or should she keep them up and risk losing you meaning should she stay in the only world she's ever known.
Right now it would be best not to push her. If you are truly interested in her as a person and what may come you have to let her know.
It is not you; it is her.
2006-12-17 05:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, she has a past which Im sure has affected who she is in a big way. She's going to find it difficult to trust and to accept real love. It sounds like real love is something that she has been unfamiliar with for a long time, possibly her whole life until she met you. She knows that you make her feel good and secure, which is important, yet she is probably afraid of allowing herself to be completely emotionally vulnerable or possibly even dependent on you. She may fear that after she has allowed herself to 'fall in love' with you (and has become vulnerable) that you will begin to treat her badly or even leave her. The best way to go about this is to speak with her, and try to be as understanding as possible. She may just want to take things really, really slowly as it takes time to earn her trust. Good luck with whatever you both choose to do!
2006-12-17 05:48:30 · answer #4 · answered by tru_til_da_end 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She won't go there? She did go there !
But maybe she was not ready yet. As the saying goes........
"Why buy the cow when the milk is free"
She is enjoying the "boyfriend-friend relationship and all that comes with it (like a real boy friend) and enjoying herself. She is not ready for a "real" boy friend and may find one later which she will tell you all about. In the mean time, I believe you are wasting your time. Since you are just friends...........look else where for a "real" girlfriend. This might just bring her around to seeing you in a different light and want more of a "real" boy friend relationship.
Best of luck.
2006-12-17 05:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, its very complicated but when someone has a traumatic experience as a child, it effects who they are as a person. She probably has a very hard time trusting men because of the abuse, and therefore gets herself into a lot of abusive relationships because she feels 'safe' there. Of course, when someone actually worth her time who she might fall in love with comes along, she shys away from it in fear of getting hurt again. Shes scared of love, since she obviously has never seen it like you show her it. Its definately not you, its her. It may take her a while to warm up to this new territory. Take things very slow, and she might come around.
2006-12-17 05:41:58 · answer #6 · answered by idbangrobertplant 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's attached to her safety zone and is afraid to take that next step into a real relationship because of her crappy past. I'm sure she unconsciously feels that if she goes into that next arena - a full blown relationship - that it will end up like the others.
She may also not know how to progress within a healthy relationship and has decided to idle on the starting line.
2006-12-17 05:44:18 · answer #7 · answered by Lucy_Fur 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she needs time to figure out what she wants. Don't rush her however don't stop your life and wait for her. Continue to go out and have fun w/o her but realize what a good woman she is and just wait with her. Explain to her what you want from her and where you want your relationship to go. She's been through a lot in life so she needs someone to understand and help her. Much Luck!
2006-12-17 05:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by miss_peaches 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have serious trust issues (given her past). She doesn't want to get involved with you, trust you, and then possibly get hurt. If you truly love her and want to be with her, be patient. She still wants you in her life, she's just fearful. Talk to her, let her know how you feel and that you'll be there for her. Patience is the key. Good Luck!!
2006-12-17 05:45:46 · answer #9 · answered by Lioness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's more confused then you. She's had some real traumatic things happen to her. I'm glad to hear she's in counseling. If you want to help her then don't put alot of pressure on her. Take your relationship slow. I'm sure she has trouble trusting guys. Give her time to figure things out. Just be there for her.
2006-12-17 05:46:49 · answer #10 · answered by autumn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋