today (12/17) is the 20TH anniversary of my mom's death and I'm taking it a lot worse than I should be. I just really miss her and keep crying and snotting all over myself. I need cheering up! Can some of you send me some really stupid but funny jokes to cheer me up. I would appreciate a good laugh more than you know!!!
2006-12-17 04:55:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
my email is on in case there's anyone with dirty or gross jokes that they don't want to get reported for. I enjoy the offensive!
2006-12-17 05:01:58 · update #1
sorry bout your mom, my mom died when I was young too. I've noticed a couple of jerks have responded c'mon people, she's upset, why upset her more by being an a**hole. I'm emailing you some jokes that would make no sense after the censors change most of the words to strings of asterics
Hope your day gets better Sweetie
2006-12-17 05:33:17 · answer #1 · answered by green-eyed monster 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
what is pink and fluffy?
a pink fluff
and some blonde jokes... (as i see you are brunette)
Wanna hear some blonde jokes?
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who almost caused a car wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: She believed him.
Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Q: What do you call a really smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
2006-12-17 13:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by Depy greece!! 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am very sorry to hear about hour mom. It makes it even worse when it is so close to the holidays even though there is no good time.
A dumb blond was driving down the road--a sheriff stopped her and asked why she was swerving all over the road.
The blond said that she was trying to avoid all of the trees that were on the road.
The sheriff said there were no trees on that road for 3 miles. Then he showed her the tree air freshner that was swinging above her rear view mirror.
2006-12-17 13:53:05 · answer #3 · answered by Terry K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry I will make sure if I can help,her you are
MAKE A WISH
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!
On the road
These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is better." The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know what? Your wife IS better."
*****
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to f*ck with the Lone Ranger."
2006-12-17 13:00:04 · answer #4 · answered by Maro's mom 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
okay so this man was at home and during a heat wave, so he his canister from out the fridge and wiped away the jam that was on the side. When he did a genie came out and said "Since you freed me from this bottle Ill grant you three wishes."
The man said " for my first wish I wish it wasn't so hot." so the genie granted it.
For his second wish he said "I wish I was The richest man in the world." so the genie granted it.
For his third wish the man said " I wish women everywhere wanted me and needed me anywhere they go."
The genie asked the man if he was sure that's what he wanted and the man said yes. The genie said as you wish and turned the man into a tampon.
Hope that gave you a giggle.
2006-12-17 13:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by รкเttlєร 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
whats brown and sticky?
a stick!!!!!
(sorry at my horrible attempt to make you feel better, im not funny, watch talladega nights, and mind of mencia, sorry if u dont think thats funny, cuz it iz 2 me)
2006-12-17 12:58:48 · answer #6 · answered by super_smileyface007 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I hope someone does, try and keep busy
2006-12-17 12:57:56 · answer #7 · answered by CLARABELLE 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
That is fantastic...LoL
Keep it coming
Justin
2006-12-17 13:10:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋