Is a man cheating who has been in chat rooms for years chatting with other women about sex?

Question

He is in a committed relationship and has recently been caught in chat rooms with females chatting about sex and has been for years. He had pics, saved contacts and even had a few personally nicknamed. When confronted with all of this, he lied (straight out denied it) for several days and nights before fessing up to it. If there was nothing to it why wouldn't he fess up to it instead of lying and hiding it? He deleted the contacts in front of me and now says he no longer does it anymore. However, how can I believe him or trust him when he has lied to me and deceived me all of these years? Is this not cheating? Betrayal? Is this love?

Answer 1

Loyalty is not just about been faithful physically, but emotionally, mentally and in how the person spends their time--If he is spending his time, emotions and mental energy into other women what makes that faithful? To be faithful one must save, treasure and value their sexual, mental and emotional energies for that one person that they have committed themselves to.

Answer 2

There is a very fine line between this question and the right answer.
I have know people personally that have picked up and left everything, children, homes, lives, for someone they met on the internet.
On the other hand he may have created a line of his own and kept this strictly on the computer.
If I were you, I would try to find out everything that you can about these people he has online relationships with. Do they live in your area? Do they have husbands, boyfriends? Are these co-workers? Since he has "deleted" them it might be a little more difficult to find this information. But if he has done this for years, I can almost bet that he will continue.
First and for most, if you feel cheated and betrayed, you were. All of the time he has spent online with these women, he could have been with you. Even more so that these relationships have been sexual is a big red flashing light.
I can see a man or woman having a one or two time thing on the internet for curiosity reasons. But whole relationships and nicknames that last for years, are going a little too far.

Answer 3

To me this is not cheating...but it does feel like it's sliding into a very shadowy place. But wouldn't it be so much worse if he were actually out carousing with women in bars? At least he won't be coming home with an std or pregnant girlfriend...

If he's saying he won't do it any more and you want to keep the relationship, I would take him at face value til he proves otherwise. If you keep him and are suspicious and still on his case about it, you'll both be miserable. It does sound like the behavior is pretty entrenched and might be hard for him to get past it...and the best way to help him do that is to beleive that he can.

I think people get into those situations because the sizzle of thier relationship has died down and they are looking for that excitement elsewhere - it doesn't mean they don't love thier partner and I think that a lot of people compartmentalize it, knowing that it is not ever going to become anything actually physical.

You could try spicing up your relationship with games, sexy lingerie or toys, food that's fun in bed - whatever would appeal to the two of you. If he's got sizzle at home, he's less likely to look for it elsewhere.

Answer 4

Just say by some chance it was only an electronic thing, it still shows he does not respect you enough to be open about how he feels. The trust you once had has now been broken and you gotta start thinking about what is best for you in the future and are the previous years you have had with him (hes probably been doin this sort of thing since he got his hands on a computer) worth the years of distrust youre going to have with him to come

Answer 5

Im not sure if this would be considered cheating. However he probably has a desire for a different person. Especially if he talks about that kidn of stuff....[thats kinda gross...]Also if you don't like what he's doing don't let him into chat rooms, and make sure to keep an eye on him. Oh also talk to him, ask him why he does this etc. This will probably help solve some of your problems.

Answer 6

I would consider it cheating. Love consists of honesty, and respect. Your getting neither from this guy. Instead of chatting with other women, why isn't he chatting with you? Seems to me you both need to sit down and have some really deep conversations. I'd UN plug the computer and take it to friends house for awhile to get my point across. How would he feel if you were chatting with other men? Ask him That.

Answer 7

It is cheating, and then to lie on top of it makes it worse.

it's one thing to look at porn and quite another to make contact.

you can not trust him anymore, nor should you. He has most likely met some of these woman for sex too.

I have the same problem in my relationship, and my partner lied and lied about it. i was able to break into his email and found out he did indeed meet with others for sex, which he still lies about.

it's a huge game to some people, and probably an addiction that gives them and adrenaline rush.

I'd talk to a councillor, and get rid of him!

Answer 8

Lying is cheating. If he hasn't slept with any of these women then he hasn't been unfaithful but he has been dishonest and that is probably worse. Especially if it's been going on for years.
You can lie to a loved one about little things like dinner being delicious or that dress doesn't make you look fat but not on the level this guy has done for years...YEARS!!! Then to deny it for days before coming clean doesn't make his lies any easier to deal with. Trust is a difficult thing to repair if it is ever broken. Both sides have to learn to work through it, don't think that it's entirely up to him to earn your trust back. You have to put forth just as much effort to learn to trust him as he is putting in earning your trust back. If neither of you want to put forth any effort then I'd suggest that both of you move on to greener pastures.

Answer 9

He is not technically "cheating" but if he stops having sex with you or cuts back alot then he has a problem. It could lead to cheating by meeting his contacts though. You should'nt be mean about it though. He may have a porn addiction. He may need to seek help for it. It may lead to you breaking up with him, if you truly love him then work with him. give him some slack. Porn addiction is just as bad as being addicted to herione. Nothing good will come from it. I hope this helps you

Answer 10

yes, it is emotional/mental cheating ,,,,, he is choosing to spend time with those people instead of you,,,,,,,, as to if he loves you,,, he very well could,, or he may no longer, its something he would need to work on, either showing you his love , if he does, or else letting you know if he doest,,,,,,,,its not a good sign that he denied it when confronted, sounds like he also has some maturity issues,,,,,,, i would say, if you decide to give him a chance, to keep your eyes open in the future,,,, for signs he is doing it again,,,,,,, it also could just be something he was using like men use porn movies or mags,,,, if he never actually called any of the women, had no plans to meet them etc

Answer 11

i believe that it is a form of cheating because he is forming bonds with these people by chatting with them and being physically stimulated by their words and pics. honestly if he was just looking at porn and not chatting and being personal i would say no he's not cheating but by having them on his comp daily and probably talking with them daily that is like having an affair. and just because he deleted them does not mean THEY deleted him and can contact him when ever they want. so sorry you are in this situation and sorry it has been happening for so long just hope you can either it out with counseling. good luck hun and happy holidays=)