My mother-in-law is causing problems with my marriage. She will never change. What do I do?

Question

My mother-in-law is a negative person in general. She is critical and finds fault in everything. She is a bitter old woman. She criticizes me in front of my husband, and my husband tends to act on her criticism. He then starts to criticize me about the things she talks about.

She is mean to my son (from another marriage) and sweet to my daughter (from my marriage now with her son). Last night she snipped at me about not getting onto my son (12 years old) for saying the word "butt". I was going to handle it in another room by talking to him away from other people, but she thought I should yell at him right there or treat him like a 3 year old. My husband did not say anything and this morning he yelled at me (not normal behavior) over cooking sausage.

It seems like every time we go over there my husband is difficult to be around for a few days. I try to talk to him and he gets mad. I know she will never change. How will I deal with this?

Answer 1

You have several ways to handle this situation. All are very hard. One is to accept what she does as, what she does and let if roll off your back, and when she talks to you about how to discipline your son, you can in a calm voice but firm, thank you for your suggestions but I will handle my family in my way and in my time, You did a wonderful job in raising my husband but there are many ways of skinning a cat. I understand right from wrong and I will discipline my family in my and my husbands way.

Or you can get mad at her throw her out of the house and tell her to never come back... Not very unacceptable.

It is obvious that she is very strong and your husband cannot stand up to her. You also need to talk to your husband and be very firm with him to understand this is A BIG problem for you and you both need to understand how to deal with her,so consoling is in the cards for you two. Good Luck

Answer 2

Hi,
I've been there before and know exactly what you're going through.
The way I solved it was by getting divorced as I couldn't take it anymore.
Today, 4 years later, I am happy and know that I made the right decision.
Only, it's not necessarily the right one for everybody.
Having said that, you do need to react now, or it will dragg you down so much that you will end up taking pills for depression.
Please do stand up to both of them.
You are not a little girl anymore; 1) You are an Adult; 2) You are a Woman; 3) You are a mum yourself!!!
I did love my husband, and I wish I had done something earlier.
But I had taken so much that I couldn't anymore.
Divorce has to be the last measure, especially if you love your husband and if you know he loves you.
A mother in law is not worth breaking your marriage over.
Plus I felt guilty for at least two years; You do go through a very difficult time.
Now it's true that I have my self confidence and self esteem back, and am not ready to take any nonsense from anybody any more!
But I learnt it the hard way.
Try and go to your family for a few days;
Try and take a regular break from your husband.
He will miss you and that might give him food for thought.
When your mother in law is there, in your house, do go out with your children if you can.
You don't have to entertain her.
Have visitors;
Whatever you do to make you feel good, do it! REACT.
Don't just cry, it will change nothing.
Be strong, and if you want to remain married and occupy your place, which is the woman of the house, REACT.
Good luck. KC.
xxx.

Answer 3

OMG! Is your husband related to my husbands family??? I am dealing with the same bull sh**!!! I am a Canadian citizen and my husband is American. I moved from BC to WA state. And OMG I didn't expect so much DRAMA in all of my life. My family is about 4 hours away and I wish it was the other way around. I am 1 of 4 girls that my Father raised alone along with my Nana. My husband is 1 of 4 boys that is parents, that are no longer together, had. His mom is somewhat bio-polar and his father and 1 brother are heavily into drugs. Of course we live about 2 miles from the crackheads. I grew up in the city and my husband in the sticks. I often wonder how he became so normal. But anytime there is a problem whether it be their car broke down, plumbing blew up, the grass needs cutting, they need dog food, the roof is leaking, and the list goes only they call my husband. His brother who is 27 is unemployed and sleeps in to about 3 o'clock in the freakin afternoon. He does not help out at all. And then I, at 30 years old, have to be the big biatch and yell at everyone. I have been trying to get my husband to move to Nevada or Arizona so that everyone else will F-OFF. I am tired of all of their drama. I totally feel your pain. I truly feel that you 2 should move far away where it's too far for them to visit. And then if you do move always answer your calls and explain that the service is crappy so that if they start running their mouthes you can always hang up. lol Also, we don't have any kids but maybe once you get away from his family you may be under no stress and have a regular pregnancy. Stress has a lot to do with miscarriages and so fourth. My sincere condolences with the pregnancy issues you have been going through. I am so sorry for the pain, the loss, the disappointments and the neglect from is selfish family. Some people are self centered and feel the world owes them and his family sounds that way. I really feel that if you move that you guys will be able to have a more relaxed and enjoyable life. Good luck;)

Answer 4

You need to get your husband to realize that he is not a child anymore, and that you are his family now. He can't be your husband, and his mommy's little boy at the same time, and it's long past time to make a decision about where he wants to go in life. If he can not be depended on to be on your side...how can you expect him to be there for you at any other time?

Talk to him, and let him know that you have had enough of this behavior, and present him with that choice. If you keep accepting this sort of treatment from him, you will have a very bad marriage...and it's no fun just hanging around waiting for someone to die...hoping it will get better.

Answer 5

Simple.....You take a stand and put your foot down.

First, your husband is a momma's boy for not standing up to his mother. You married a coward. He hsould have the respect to defend the mother of his child when criticized by others...even mommy. Therefore, if you continue to stay with this coward, it is up to you to stand up for yourself.

Whenever your mother in law, or anyone for that matter, corrects you with disciplining, punishing or raising your children, you need to look them straight in the eyes and tell them to stop and say "I'm sure you mean well, but this is my child and I will do what I think is best for them". Be fair and impartial. Then you say no more and go on your merry way. If your coward husband chimes in to defend his mother, you simply say "this is not the time to discuss this right now." "We can discuss this after company has left." You see the pattern here? YOU TAKE CONTROL OF THE CITUATION since nobody else is. Stand firm and confident. In time, they will both realize you are no longer tolerating their behavior. You will also set a good example for your children.

Answer 6

The child who lives with criticism,learns to criticize.I am sure you saw these behaviors before you married him and yet here you are married to his mother and her clone.I wouldn't want my kids around such behavior because these people will alter the personalities of these kids and from the sound of things the alteration will be negative.Your husband is a grown man and if he's so use to this behavior that he won't seek helpp then you should and then get the hel* out of there before you allow these people to create monsters out of your precious children.

Answer 7

Tell Mama's boy he'd better shape up and decide who the hell he's spending the rest of his life with, You or his Mama!

He's got to get some cajones and stand up to his mother and let her know that you are now his priority. If he can't do that, is unwilling. Well, you got a tough choice to make. Divorce or put up and shut up!

Answer 8

Stand up for yourself and for your son. Tell your husband to be a man instead of a momma's boy, and tell your mother-in-law that she's not welcome in your home unless the learns to treat you and both your children with respect.

Answer 9

Stay away from her if she can't bite her tongue and mind her own business! You are not obligated to visit her. If she comes to your house SPEAK YOUR MIND. Your husband will come around sooner or later. Or else!

Answer 10

talk to here tell way you feel