My mother was with another man on the 2 year anniversary of my father's death.?

Question

OK, what i want to know is if I am wrong, last night was the two year anniversay of my father's death from lymphoma. I went out for dinner and drinks with some friends and when i returned home about 11pm i found my mother with another man on the couch. I responded horribly and threatened the man with death if i ever saw him again. I am very ashamed at my reaction but the combination of alcohal, anger timing and location sent me over the edge. Needless to say, my mother won't talk to me, the man has filed a restraining order and i feel like i am the worst person on earth. I want my mother to be happy but i have expressed to her many times that i don't want to know about it if she is with another man. I know my reaction was wrong, but does anyone think I have a right to be angry? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to fix the problem?

Answer 1

You are wrong, your mother needs companionship.

Answer 2

First of all...you need to come to grips with the fact that your mother is her own person...not your possession...and is NEVER answerable to you for anything.

You may need to move out, and let her have her own space...then, in a few months, invite her and her friend out to dinner, and try again...but don't rush it...these things take time.

Second, maybe there are some anniversaries that need to be forgotten...no good can come from reliving a traumatic experience like the death of a loved one over and over.

Your father is never coming back...mine didn't...but that does not have to mean that you have to drive your mother away as well. She has suffered a loss as well...more than you have believe it or not...and she has to get on with her life in her own way.

Get your head right, and make it up to her...20 years down the road, you will regret every time that upset her, and realize what you have lost every time you could have talked to her, and didn't.

Answer 3

I would write them both a letter and apologize for your behavior. Tell them how terrible you feel, and that you know you were entirely in the wrong. Tell the man that you don't blame him for getting the restraining order, but that you hope he doesn't hold your behavior against your Mom, and that you swear on your life that you will never do anything but treat him with respect again. Ask him for forgiveness for what could be considered unforgivable behavior.

P.S. I would also suggest moving out and getting your own place. Your Mom apparently needs some space and privacy.

Answer 4

I think you obviously need to face whatever issues you have over your father's death before you confront your mother.

She is probably feeling guilty right now. She obviously needed "comfort" in whatever form and the significance of if being your father's anniversary may have been a time when she thought it needed to be put in the past and for her to move on and date again. Now you have made that impossible for her with the guy she was with as now the poor sap has an irate child and a retraining order to deal with.

I would suggest you go and have grief counselling and face up to whatever feelings you have over your father's death and then move on with your life and let your mother move on with hers.

You father is dead, your mother isn't.

Answer 5

I think you owe your Mother an apology. If your old enough to drink then you're an adult, so why don't you act like one.
Don't you think your Mom has a right to a life and some companionship? Give her a break, your Dad has been gone 2 yrs. It's time to move on and let her do so!!
Tell her and her male friend your sorry, and explain to them, not us here in yahoo.

Answer 6

I understand that you are angry and you should be because after all that was your dad ,But on the other hand( and you know its always a but in everything) you have to respect your mother as well .She to has to live her life I knew one lady who's husband past 3 years ago she was so emotionally distressed she killed her self .Not saying that your mom would do that i hope not but some people need to move on and try to enjoy life before its to late .and as far as you mom not speaking to you that is wrong she needs to understand what your going thru .Speak with her about it and see how it goes .GOOD LUCK............

Answer 7

You are wrong to be angry. It has been 2 years since your dad's death, and your mom has the right to get on with her life. She is entitled to date and even remarry. People who were happily married usually do want to marry again after a spouse's death.
You were out drinking with friends, weren't you? Isn't your mom entitled to friends also?
Apologize.
And do something about your temper!

Answer 8

I'm sorry to say that yes you were wrong . But I know how you feel because my mother- in -law did the same thing but she met this man that she is with in the paper in the singles adds and the next thing we know he was moved in with her . Well we come to realize that she needs some one in her life and he has stayed with her from all of us and our crap so you just have to let it go she'll never forget your father and she will always love him you just have to let her live her life and tell this man how you feel God bless you and your family

Answer 9

Your mother is getting on with her life which is what she is suppose to do. Apologize profusely to her for acting like such an ***. You probably scared the man off for good and ruined any chance of her being happy with him. Next time stop and think before you act.

Answer 10

It's o.k. for you to go out and party, but not for your mother to have a man over? Sounds like you both needed companionship but found different ways to go about it. You owe your mother an apology.

Answer 11

Yes,1st apologize to your mother,they the man she was with,tell him he was the first man you seen you re mother with since your fathers death,that he cant replace your father, but you will give it a try if he makes your mother happy,go from there...