He keeps calling wanting to talk to "his" son after he deived me and keeps lying about his intentions with us as a family. He's been in prison off & on for 8 years and he's out now but the whole time he was in prison he wanted "his family" back and wanted to marry me and wanted us to visit him in VA i'm in IN, but now that he has had sex with another woman and got her pregnant and she bails him out of jail again last month, he now decides he never said those things and he don't want me, But he says its' because of his situation when he calls and she's not around , but when she is he tries to make me look like I'm desperate for him. I told him I don't want him and I am filing for full custody and his visitation would be minimal I hope , since he is in VA and is still on probation. No stable home as of yet, last I knew they were in a raoch motel. He keeps on lying and trying to make me look like a fool. I think he is a bad influence on my son and not responsible.
2006-12-17 03:17:16 · 7 answers · asked by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He has never paid support either and now is trying to by initiating it himself.I am retaining a lawyer after the holidays to officially get my process started. I am over him , trust me. He is a liar. felon, junkie, alchie, and bi-polar on his own admission
2006-12-17 03:18:57 · update #1
My son is 9 and his dad spent8 yrs. locked up. He has seen his fahter 2 times in his life. He does not know that his father was in prison but I want him to know one day when thie time is right.and I want him to explain it all to my son. H edoes not ask many questions yet about his father and why we are not together.His father has illnesses that are not really safe for people to be around him. He is and alcohlic and an addict and willbe the rest of his life. And I can't say he is completely sober cuz he admitted to me b4 t-giving day that he had beer and was on the phone with me drunk! He also admits that drinking can lead him back to drugs. He likes touse women so that they can take care of him. That's what he did to me and thats what he is doing now to someone else.
2006-12-17 16:19:21 · update #2
I agree with most of the above advice, except the part about not letting your son have phone contact. Having come from a divorced home, the best thing my mom did was allow me to communicate with my father. And, yes he was a deadbeat, no child support and on and on. But, letting me speak to him when he called allowed me to form my own opinion about what type of man he was. PLUS my mother never said a negative word about my father. NEVER! Doing this only makes you look bad in the child's eyes, because this person is STILL and always will be his father. No matter how bad parents are children still love them wholeheartedly.
The last thing you want is for your son to resent you when he gets older for blocking contact with his dad when he was a child. Think long and hard about this, and whatever your decision - do not speak badly about your son's father in front of him. Good Luck.
PS - I am not saying you need to let your child spend time with this man, but talking on the phone is definitely the lesser of two evils.
2006-12-17 04:10:57 · answer #1 · answered by Buttercup - VP Bamma Fan Club 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you dont have to get a lawyer to file for child support. That is expensive!!! Just go down to the DCSE office, and fill out the paperwork. Save yourself the money, for a later time.
Secondly, dont panic about the custody. No judge in his right mind would let that happen. You are the mother, and he is a felon. He has been living with you all this time. He is just threatening you because he can.
You dont need to let your son talk to him on the phone. He just doesnt need to. HOWEVER, you need to one day be able to look at your son, and tell him why you wouldnt let him have contact. Make sure that you are strong on why you dont want it. Ideas include, he is a criminal, he abandoned you and etc etc. The only person you need to answer to on this, is your son. Maybe not today, but in the future. And, I support your decision not to have contact. If there is a visitation order that says he is allowed to, then you maybe breaking the law. He can file a show cause hearing on that. But, most visitation orders, do not have anything about telephone calls in it. I dont think they can, because it is your right to have a phone, not a requirement. However, if you have a visitation order, and you dont let him see him, again he can take you back to court.
Make sure that you also have a court ordered custody agreement. If you do not, he can come in, take your son, and you cannot do anything about it, if his name is on the birth certificate. Go to your local Juvenile Domestic Relations Court, and file a motion for a custody order. The judge will automatically give you custody. And, that will prevent him from kidnapping your son, legally!!
Good Luck!!!
2006-12-17 03:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by thelaundryfairy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO matter what the situation, any child is better off without a parent who has been to jail. If he is willing to talk to your child and be honest about what happened and demonstrate to him that he has changed then that is a different situation. But it sounds like there are games being played! That will only get your child hurt. You are the mature adult in this situation. Stand your ground and make the decision that will provide your child a BETTER LIFE than his fathers and even yours. He is a new being in this world. Give him a chance to be great! Don't put him through things that will cause him to be afraid to trust people. Once you cant trust your parents, you cant trust anyone else! That is a tough way to live...
Unless the individual has been to full rehabilitation treatment and you are both willing to go to marriage counseling and WORK REALLY HARD at becoming a real family. Keep your distance.
Good Luck
2006-12-17 04:11:10 · answer #3 · answered by seriousforshure 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You and your son dont need him obviously. If he's an absentee then he's not a real father. Leave him alone b4 things turn ugly. You can be both parents to that child. In todays society a most children only live with one parent anyways. Good luck with that.
2006-12-17 04:01:52 · answer #4 · answered by leezymleezy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your son know about this guy? Does he want to know about his father? How old is your son?
You've got a tough decision to make. Either way could go bad on you. My suggestion is that for now, don't allow him to talk with your son. Wait til you talk to the lawyer and get his/her advice on what you should do.
I hope it works out for you. Sounds like this loser could be a dark cloud on your life for awhile yet. I hope he moves on.
2006-12-17 04:13:28 · answer #5 · answered by markawfg 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I vote for the laundryfairy's answer (and most miss mundy's)
Do NOT talk to your son about his father the way you talked to us about him. He will resent it and you will almost certainly force him to prove you wrong.
Do make it as legal as possible and get support through the courts, not just voluntarily.
Do let him talk to or write to his father. It is important for him to know who his father his.
God bless you and have great success
2006-12-17 04:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by deepndswamps 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it depends on his age and understanding of things if hes old enough to understand how he came to be born maybe you could talk to him see then if he is interested in metting this man but first talk to him and the rest of your family get there opinion on this to just for support mainly email me back here let me know how it went if you want to good luck
2006-12-17 04:20:16 · answer #7 · answered by hallowsevenight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋