Every year, my husband and I stress out about what to do about his brother and sister. His brother skimps out on our family. One year, he gave our then 1 yr old a coupon (the kind that comes with credit card bills. luckily, we happened to have a credit card through that bank), our then 3 yr old one hot wheels car, and for us, it appears that he and his wife search their attic and closets to find our gifts. I know it is the thought that counts, but it seems they don't think much of us at all. Then there's his sister. We mail her a package every yr and we don't even know if she gets them. Is it bad manners to quit giving them gifts altogether? We typically spend $20 on each of them, plus the time and effort to shop.
2006-12-17 01:07:27 · 24 answers · asked by caffeinatedmom2 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
also, it's not a financial issue - both can afford to buy gifts and/or send an "i got it" or "thank you".
2006-12-17 01:13:28 · update #1
I am tempted to tell you to be the "bigger" person and still give them gifts. After all, it is the thought that counts and who are we to judge. After some thought I came up with what I would do. Continue to give them gifts, but make it entertaining for you and try to outdo them with horrible ideas! I mean how satisfying would it be to know your sister-in-law opened a package of "Travel Handi Wipes" Christmas morning?! Just think, the possiblities are endless :-)
2006-12-17 01:19:07 · answer #1 · answered by marionbarryuk 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I must say this is a question that pops up in a lot of families this time of year. There have been some very good answers so far.
My husband and I have been married for MANY years and quit exchanging gifts with extended family quite some time ago. We send cards and make phone calls to those we are closest to and it has never been a problem.
Christmas should be about fellowship and, unfortunately, it seems to have turned into a gift-giving competition. I would much rather spend time enjoying the company of our children and grandchildren than comparing and discussing who gave what to whom and how much they spent.
The quality of a relationship isn't measured by dollars and cents. It's measured by heartbeats and sense.
My advice.....if you're giving to people with the thought of what they've given to you, then it's not a gift...it's a "payment". The choice is your's to make, but it should be obvious to you that it isn't heartfelt...on either side and should be ended.
Try to have a Merry Christmas and remember what the season really means.
2006-12-17 02:16:34 · answer #2 · answered by Rembrandt11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until last year, I would have said the same thing "it's better to give than receive" . However, my older sister didn't come home for Christmas last year so we all sent presents to her and never received even a thank you. If they aren't acknowledging the gifts with a simple "thanks" than I would stop sending them. Basic manners should still play (at least for his sister). As for the other family, it may just be that they cannot afford anything better and still want to make the effort to give you something in return. For them, I would still try. Best of luck!
2006-12-17 01:15:52 · answer #3 · answered by slknspphr3645 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is what I would do...Send them Christmas cards and put in about 20 dollars gift voucher inside.
I know it seems a tad wee bit impersonal but seriously they will prob appreciate it more.
As for what they give you...well the red cross and st.vincent and other such charity orgs can prob use them better if you cant. It is afterall the season for giving.
Having said that....I generally get crappy gifts from my aunt (who lives down teh street) every year and we make an effort to give her daughters gifts they would like...(which they dont out of principle)...but we still try our best...My uncle on the other hand who is overseas...well he never bothers and so neither do we.
The decision is upto you:)
Good luck and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-17 01:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by Syn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes! It is okay to just give them gifts that are equal to the gifts they give you. I had over 25 family members when the kids were all small, I never forgot them and I felt good about remembering them. Years later they remembered my gifts and thanked me for them! They all "grew" up at my pool,my house, and every Thanksgiving and every holiday. They still talk about the wonderful times and the silly gifts I gave them when they were small!
But adults? Well, in-laws were given gifts, if they gave us one, I would understand if they were having a rough yr. and would give them gifts. But, if they could afford to give and didn't, not only to us, but to other family members, I took them off my list! As for friends, well, they might feel the same way, giving gifts, but not really wanting to, so, one year, I just up and talked to them. You would be surprised how much smaller my list got. Close friends, well, we set a limit of the amt.! Everyone was happy about the arangement!
So, try talking to people you feel you CAN talk to, and cut out the ones that don't give, or cut the amt. you spend. Simple.
As for the sister, TALK to her. Tell her you are hurt that she can't even let you know if she got them. If you do it in a kind and gentle way you might find out that she just didn't know she was supposed to do that. Or, maybe she can't send you gifts and she feels bad about getting them from you, or she can't spend as much as you. Talking to family members is time well spent. Try to communicate with her! Don't just stop sending them without talking about it. Those things lead to sometimes irrepairable damage to family togethererness. If there is such a word. So much is lost if we don't just talk to each other! Try it, it might make a world of difference.
2006-12-17 02:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by Addiemae_6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First question - is it possible that your in-laws just don't have much money to buy gifts? If they do have plenty of money, their gifts to you ARE pretty terrible. Maybe you could casually mention to them that everyone's expenses are getting higher and higher each year, and you'd prefer to stop doing gifts and do something else instead, like a family get-together where you play games or go out to eat somewhere nice.
As for the sister, I am a BIG stickler on thank-you-notes, and it is completely inexcusable for her to go without mentioning the present. My in-laws are the exact same way - thankless. In that case, I believe it is acceptable to stop the gift train with her.
2006-12-17 01:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
around the $15-20 mark and sometimes a bit cheaper: a paperback book, a music cd, a movie dvd, there's room here to choose something that the specific person will like even though you're not spending a ton of money . . . . maybe you could find a nice plant in that range. I just bought a $12 orchid for my daughter . . . . less than that gets hard: I like to give small boxes of a nice candy, like Godiva (for Godiva, they have to be quite small, like 4-6 pieces, to be $10 or less), a Christmas ornament, a gift card to Starbuck's, sometimes you can find cute costume-jewelry earrings in the shape of Christmas ornaments . . . .
2016-05-23 01:51:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some years ago my mother, who is now 85, suggested that the family quit exchanging gifts at Christmas. We send cards, but that's all. It has worked well. This did not include the children of course.
2006-12-17 01:14:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I gave several co-workers Godiva for Christmas, and one woman didn't even acknowledge the gift. We all went out as a group, she sits really close to my desk, and she went all day without saying anything. I think it's incredibly rude also. If someone gives you something, you should thank them even if it's not something you particularly like. If they feel bad that they can't afford to get anything for you, then they should be able to say that they're very thankful but unfortunately unable to reciprocate. There's not excuse for their behaviour, and I would stop giving to them. My reaction would be to tell them where to get off, but I know that it probably wouldn't do any good to point out their inconsideration.
2006-12-18 15:52:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well - I have gone through the same thing with my brother and sister. I finally just stopped with my sister because she actually screamed at me for send her gifts because as she said she wouldn't put out the effort for me. So I don't think its a bad idea or rude if they aren't sending you anything - or just get them a gift certificate - and don't go out of your way.
Good Luck!!!
2006-12-17 01:12:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋