2006-12-17 00:51:15 · 30 answers · asked by soulja2dn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You don't say anything a first. You listen. I am sure there is a story behind it all and his version might be different from the one you have heard your whole life. Heck, you might not have gotten a story at all. Listen, take it all in, and decide if what he says warrants a response. You have many, many choices afterwords: you can walk away without saying a word like he did (but, you should be bigger the person), you can get angry (that's a valid and deserved response), or respond any way you wish. Again, I advise you to listen at least.
2006-12-17 00:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think my first reaction would be "what do you want?"
(*sigh*) The problem is, sometimes people don't get smart until they get old. Sometimes you realize as you age, you really don't want to die alone. I think it's because dying is no longer just something that happens to other people..it's started happening to people your age, your friends and coworkers..and you realize all the places you've screwed up.
You have to remember, you weren't the reason he left. You were three. There are some pretty obnoxious three year olds, but they aren't the reason a father would skip out.
The question you need to ask yourself is, in 20 years are you going to regret not finding out what he wants? It could be he wants a chance to make amends. It could be he has regrets.
Look, my father left alot to be desired as a father. I can't tell you how many times I thought about just walking away and not looking back. I'm glad I didn't. He was a wonderful grandfather. Everything he lacked as a father, he was able to apply to being a grandfather. My daughter had the best example of what a good father is because of him...her own father wasn't going to be that example...and she knows what makes a man a good man.
Don't just throw away the opportunity because you're angry at him for something that happened when you were three. You deserve an honest explanation, and you get to decide how much you want him in your life. Just don't punish him because of what he did. If you don't want him around, cut the ties.
Good luck.
2006-12-17 01:02:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on why he left . Now that i'm 44 I can understand a little better. It also depends on how you feel about him. Did you have a good life? Did you have a step dad that helped you grow up. There's so many questions to be answered. All I can say is "maybe you should listen to him and what he has to say" That was a long time ago and as much as maybe you want to hate him, maybe you should give him a chance for him and for you. Maybe he's not a bad guy, maybe he had lots of things to work out in his life and now that he is ready to be a dad, he's coming back to you. Just search your heart and see what happens. You don't have to take him back as a dad, but maybe he would be a great friend to have. It's Christmas time, stranger things have happen. Goodluck
2006-12-17 02:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by johanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st I would consider the circumstances. Was he welcome in the first place. Divorce brings out the evil in people. His wife may have turned the entire family against him. All he can do is wait and hope for the time to pass. Then he can come back and show you the type person the he was all along. Give him a chance...if he's a jerk, show him the door.
Orcal_girl
I'm going to make it my days work to report all the spam you put out today. Did the same thing to "man" yesterday! You're the same person aren't you! Advertisements are illegal on this site....scram!
2006-12-17 00:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where the hell were you? My mother abandoned me at 13 months. I have talked to her since I grew up. I don't understand her reasons, just think it was better without her. Maybe you feel the same? Not all parents are what is best for the child. Try to imagine what life would have been like WITH him in it.
2006-12-17 00:55:48 · answer #5 · answered by Bogy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I think the only thing you can do is be honest and tell him how you have felt being "abandoned" all these years. If you don't want to start a relationship with him than remember that it is your choice. If you do decide you would like to get to know him better, I would suggest starting slow just in case he does decide to take off again. Good luck!
2006-12-17 00:55:01 · answer #6 · answered by slknspphr3645 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how old was HE when he left you? i know its no excuse for neglecting responsibility, but he may have been scared to death and needed to grow up, and then he may have felt too embarrassed to come see you after what he has done. it may have taken a lot of courage for him to come to you after all these years. but the real question is, do YOU want to LET him be a part of your life after all these years? i was in a similar situation, to a degree. my father was very abusive, so i was glad when he wasn't around, but i always longed to have a relationship with him. then when i got enough gall to contact him, it was too late, he was dead. so, think about it real good before making a hasty decision. it may be too late to be a dad, being you are older (but really is it ever too late to have a dad?) but its never too late to make a new friend. just take it one day at a time and lay down the rules, if you should decide to accept him. but always be on guard for ulterior motives. i hope this helps. and i hope you have a great holiday. maybe he will be part of it this year, and maybe that is something you were longing for. so think about it. keep us posted.
2006-12-17 01:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by bimmer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Soulja - if this has happened to you I feel for you. It would be a very hard thing to deal with and you are perfectly within your rights to feel very very angry.
I think if he has turned up on your doorstep, he has felt bad about it or some time and might be wanting to make amends. You aren't being unfair to your mum if you want to get to know this man. The relationship between you and him is not the same as the relationship between she and him. Give him a chance to explain himself before you judge him. Whether you think he is worth the effort after that is totally up to you.
Good luck and take care.
2006-12-17 00:58:22 · answer #8 · answered by AJ... Australia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult one.
You need to look at the whole picture ask questions maybe there was a reason.For some reason he wants to connect now maybe it would be worth it to listen
2006-12-17 01:39:18 · answer #9 · answered by jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would say is, "I guess the loaf of bread is probably stale by now", then just get his contact information and tell him you will think about it don't call you, You will call him if you want to give him a chance.
2006-12-17 01:13:42 · answer #10 · answered by oldokie1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋