Are my friend and I in love?

Question

I have a male friend (I'm a woman). We are the same generation (middle aged), divorced, self-employed, enjoy the same things, talk on the phone at least once a day and usually several times a day, and take vacations together. We sleep together, work on projects together, spend work time, play time and family time together. But we both claim we aren't in love because we feel no spark or excited rush in anticipation of being together. This has been going on for 2 years. He dates occasionally and still hopes to find someone to experience falling in love with. I haven't because all my energy goes into work and family and him. We are both attractive, fit, financially independant and somewhat normal. ;) What do you think? Are we actually in love and this is what it looks and feels like when you're middle aged? Or can menopausal women still get giddy like teenagers over a guy?

We laugh like goons together and have secret jokes and get silly and cry and talk about every aspect of life, death and beyond. We are absolutely best friends.

Answer 1

Honestly, if you're coming on here to ask a bunch of strangers whether or not you're in love...you're not in love.

When you're in love, you don't question it. You don't ask a bunch of faceless people on the internet. You don't wonder to yourself are we or aren't we...you just are and you know it and that's all there is to it.

If that isn't how it feels. If you can't just sit there and feel it in your heart and in your head that it's love, then it's not and there's no point in trying to fool yourself into thinking it is...


I hope that helps...

Answer 2

You can still get giddy, however you sound like you two have a good, healthy relationship.

An important thing to remember is that the giddy feeling only lasts for a few months, as the newness of the relationship wears off so does the real strong "in Love" feeling. It becomes more of a sharing your life and love with each other.

It sounds as if this where you two are in a healthy relationship other than the fact that he wants to date. This tells me he is not interested in commitment. He is using you to enjoy the benefits of a commited relationship without being committed.

You need to confront him with this and see if he is willing to committ, if not, find someone else.

Answer 3

You are in an "emotional rut". Yes, you CAN get giddy again (by the way, it's even better at our age, because you don't have the time or inclination to play games, so you just go for it)If he's still dating others trying to find "the one", he really is emotionally unavailable to you. Move on, try to remember that we tend to choose the same kind of people who aren't really "right" for us, because it's familiar and you know exactly what to say & do. There's no effort needed there. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sorry, I think you jumped over the crazy hot time and stepped straight into the palour of normal with each other. Sounds like you have been substitute spouses for each other and are actually enjoying it too much.

If you feel like your life is satisfying perhaps the relationship is right for you. Why don't you try out having a bit of fun together and see how it goes. given your responsiblities and stage of life, perhaps you are both being too darn sensible.

Answer 5

You've probably grown into love. It's commonly happens to people that are well connected. A great relationship is not just about wildfire passion but a deep sense of connection and trust.
Enjoy it!

Answer 6

Ask him " can we love each other".
After reading the details I think you both love each other which u dont know and claim to be no.
Good luck and god bless you.

Answer 7

he is a mature person, but U R NOT.

Answer 8

it still works! ! dump him ! !