Bully or bullied?

Question

If your child had to be one or the other of these, which one do you feel you are better equipped as a parent to deal with and why?

How would you correct the behaviour of your child if they were a bully?

How would you help your child if they were a victim?


Karma.
x

Answer 1

Wow, what a tough question. To choose for my child to be bullied would be so sad. However, to picture my son as someone inflicting this pain on another is far worse.

We taught our son never to hit, and while this has been very good in the long run, we had to work out a few wrinkles in the idea. What I saw very early on, say by three or four, is that other kids seemed to pick up on the fact that my son wouldn't hit and they would attack him.

When I saw the look, not of fear but of SHAME, on his face when a child was charging at him, I realized what a terrible thing I'd done teaching him to NEVER hit. And so I said Never Hit. Unless someone TRIES to hit you first, and then you defend yourself with everything you've got.

Interestingly, for years, no one bullied him again. Then, a kid in our neighborhood and in his karate class starting taunting him. Taunting doesn't bother my son at all (he's homeschooled, so he doesn't 'get' how devatasting it's supposed to be) so the bully had to escalate and picked up a rock and threw it in my son's eye!

My son, lover of Greek Myths, became like Ajax. He picked up a fallen TREE, maybe 20 feet long with a circumfrence the size of a wrist, and he charged at the bully, roaring! The bully ran and ran and then climbed his own tree. Then I left that kid in his tree and went to his mother with my son's now visibly wounded eye area.

She was on the phone and whomever she was speaking to got to hear all about her son. Amazingly, she punished her son!!!
And I knew our son had recovered from the terrible advice we'd given him. We helped him by empowering him.

If my son was stuck in school, and stuck with bullies, I would take him out of school. Life is too short to live like that.

If my child were to act like a bully, which is hard to imagine, he would hear from me, my husband, my precious precious father before he unexpectedly and suddenly died, my mother, maybe some of his older cousins. We would all lay in to him separately about our extreme disappointment that he could treat another human being this way, about what's expected of a decent human being and what's expected of a member of this family. If that wasn't adequate, and I believe it would be because research shows bullies are actually SUPPORTED BY THEIR PARENTS in their behavior.

I know this is true in at least one case, for another neighborhood bully's mom defending her son sneaking up on my son, sweeping his legs out from under him, and sitting on his chest choking my son. Though it was witnessed by several adults, the mom defended it as playing, and was outraged that my son had defended himself, leaving huge scratches and welts on her son. Whereas all my son had was lack of oxygen, after all....

She knew it was playing because he was having fun! I said maybe that was true, but even if a sack of lemons fell on my son and started choking him, he'd have to push off the lemons, whatever it took. And she started screaming that her son was not a lemon. (And his mom isn't strong on analogies....)

If my son's smiling while doing it, it must be good doesn't cut it as a parenting philosophy.

Answer 2

it happens a lot out of every 5 student there is 1 who is getting bullied in U.S.A it is a horrible subject and people who do it are described as weak because they bully to build a strong charcter or to feel stronger which doesn't even make sense people are aiming to put an offical law to bullying it happened in few countries but now currently most of the countries around the world don't have an official rule against bullying it has many victims that died because of it which makes it even more horrible they died by suicide or bully attacks and bullying causes deprission and suicidal thoughts and self harm (which may lead to death if you accedently hit a nerve) that is what i actually know

Answer 3

I would want them to be the victim. I don't know if I could handle someone who naturally bullies another. I was bullied when I was little and in the long run and scheme of things it didn't make much difference. It made me shy, but my shyness attracted some girls, which wasn't bad. It did seem to last forever, but it didn't. It did make me appreciate others more. When I found a friend, I valued them more. Now that I'm a father and grandfather I share my experiences with my children and grandchildren. It sort of comforts them to know that it isn't because they are different, its just someones nature.

Answer 4

well not too sure but it seems it would be easier to correct the bully since its a matter of stopping improper behavior however the the bullied child is harder to help because how do you show them not to be a tattletale or whiner while showing how not to be bullied?

Answer 5

i was bullied in school, i never got beat up or anything, just teased and harrassed by other students. my daughter is 3 now and shes a little broot, shes bossy and demanding and very smart for her age, so i dont think she'll be bullied in school, she's smart enough now to defend herself, but if she becomes a bully in school i would have a talk with her about how i was treated at school and that it is wrong to bully other kids, but that she has a right to stick up for herself if she was being bullied!

Answer 6

oh my gosh, this is a difficult question...if i HAD to choose my child would be a bully, because with my attitude and can definetely correct that!!

Answer 7

i would rather my child be bullied bc if they were a bully than i think that would have a worse refletion of my parenting

Answer 8

my grand daughter would fall under being bullied,but as for my grand son is is a bully straight up

Answer 9

Do u really want "MY" advice?