I've noticed that in some families that have daughters, it seems the strict father or mother that bars their daughter from ANYTHING, early curfews, prohibited from anything that involves going out, rules on everything she does or wears....has a negativer reverse effect on them. Where suddenly the sweet and innocent that seemed to work with their strict raising creates a rebel child or adult after 18 that needs to 'find herself' or enjoy all the freedom that was never given for so long.
Even with my ex, who's father was extremely strict with her...she practically went from devoted church girl to wild and free promiscuous party woman when she finally moved from her father's house to the dorms in college.
Just wanted to get some insight on this.
2006-12-16 23:51:13 · 10 answers · asked by Dennis 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am the father of three daughters, the youngest just turned 16 yesterday. In raising my daughters I can honestly say that I tried to do my best with each of them but made thousands of mistakes. For some reason I never got a copy of the instruction manual that is supposed to come with kids. As a result, everything was done by trial and error, mostly error. Fortunately, some things went well and my daughters all grew up fine even though the first two rebelled at some point.
I remember myself as a teenage boy and knew they'd encounter others like me so I tried to tell them about it. Of course, I am old and had no idea what I was talking about so they didn't listen. In some cases I even had to put my foot down and disallow some perfectly acceptable young man from dating my daughters. It wasn't any big deal that he'd dropped out of school and was involved in a gang, I was over-reacting.
We each have our own principles that we try to instill in our kids. Some are more harsh than others. I don't follow a religious doctrine so didn't try to force my daughters to conform to anything of the sort. I did try to teach them to think before acting but teenagers aren't very good at that. They made some mistakes. I did regulate their clothing to some extent, prefering that my daughters didn't dress in what I call modern whore. But my restrictions were no more harsh than school dress codes even though they felt I was being a tyrant. I didn't ever make them wear a tee shirt under or over their bathing suit like some fathers are likely to do.
A neighbor who has a daughter the same age as my own is very religious. Their daughter is not. She is a rebel but is really a nice kid. The problem is that her parents are so stuck in their dogma that they cannot see that she is able to think for herself. They have closed the door to communication. That is a huige mistake and one I tried to never make. They believe they are doing the best by her and think I am making terrible mistakes by not raising my own kids in their christian beliefs. Its all perspective.
In the end, we parents are only human, are tied to our beliefs and experiences and mostly really care about our kids. But we make mistakes all the time. By time we really have it figured out we are watching our kids raise their own kids.
2006-12-17 00:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a grandfather of a precious little girl, I want to try to protect her from the evils of this world. It is only natural to do this. I think sometimes we go overboard with our protection because we know what waits out there for her. Sometimes it takes a while until we understand just what our parents are trying to do for us. My own father seemed much more intelligent when I was 30 then he did when I was 18. I didn't get to tell him because you see he died when I was 26. Kids should always be open with their parents, They love you and only want the best. Don't ever be afraid of telling them something because even if you think they are the dumbest people on the face of the earth, they probably have heard almost everything.
2006-12-17 00:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by lwibby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a girl in the same shoes that ur ex is. My parents have been very strict on me coz iam the eldest. i have a sister and a younger brother.
it used to be such that i couldnt even call my best friends -from school -and ask something. i never stepped out of my house-- or rather i should say i was never allowed to step out of my house.
as soon as we migrated to australia, i turned 18, and i started to realise the rights i have- culture shock- saw the way kids live here..... i was amazed. before my parents could get over their stance of culture shock i was completly reformed.
but i reformed in a way that was acceptable to me. i, till today have never stepped inside a nightclub, never smoked, or tried drugs.
i have a boyfriend ( parents were soooooo mad ), sex, and drink socially with him.
thats all i did-
and its being 1 yr- i feel like that they feel ashamed to look at me. i mean i havent done anything that wrong.
but yes.. with my siblings-- all those restrictions that i had... thats all gone.
could u believe it- my sister and brother are going to nz next week all alone...!!!
so the point being that they went through all these restrictions themselves, and since they were young they feel that wat they are doing now is right.because they lived through it so they think why shouldnt we??
some parents havent realised that time has changed, if they dont realise it soon they might just lose their daughters and sons......
2006-12-17 01:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not think they do it knowing it would work out that way. I mean I am one of those kids that was sheltered as a teen. Once I got into a college dorm, I started rebbelling and my mother does not know everything I did, but I learned from both my mistakes and my mother's. I know communtication is the key to a parent/child relationship. Which I can actually thank my mother for, because I know it is important, because I never had one. It was the thrill of freedom that caused me to rebel. The thrill of knowing my mother would never find out and the thrill of lying to my mother. I have come to better understand me and my mother from the experience though.
2006-12-17 08:58:58 · answer #4 · answered by Elizabeth P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Parents care so much for their children that many times they do over-shelter and protect them in the hopes that they won't ever leave those values that they were taught. Unfortunately, EVERYONE has to learn things the hard way, and it's better to allow your children a bit more freedom while they're still at home under the caring wings of mom and dad than to keep them sheltered and then turn them loose in the world to screw up royally. It's an ugly life, and there isn't much we can do about it.
2006-12-17 00:05:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. I was really really sheltered and I didn't go crazy... come to think of it, the people I knew in high school who were also sheltered didn't go crazy either... I can think of maybe one who did...
Maybe its the one or two out of every ten who go wild like that show up the rest of us. Thats how it usually goes.
I think "dorms in college" and the pressure that peers place on those who have been sheltered has more to do with why girls go wild. To be the "inexperienced one" is a novelty amongst more "experienced" friends who are eager to submerge their new friend into the party life. I doubt these girls just suddenly wake up and say, "I'm out of the house and I'm going to go out and have as much sex and alcohol as I possibly can!!!"
My friends definately tried to get me to drink (a lot).. as for the sex, they weren't promiscuous, so neither was I. I did start wearing what I wanted, but it wasn't slutty. I guess being out of the house and not having to spend every hour of the day cleaning was good enough for me.
2006-12-17 00:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by slaughter114 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am a parent of a teen daughter,that tried to do what was {in my eyes}best for her.I was to strict.I see that NOW.I held her back from many things.I didn't want her to go her brothers path of sex and drugs.It back fired in my face.As soon as she was 16 and able to do anything, that's what she did. Sex, drugs,stayed out all night,and worried me to death.Now she has a baby that has no daddy,and is living off the state.This is not what I wanted for my daughter and I guess that is why I tried so hard to keep her "sheltered".At least she's off the drugs.now if only she could love herself and child. Parents always want more for their children than they had.Guess I'll work on the grand kids!!Does this answer help you at all?
2006-12-17 00:26:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was one of those girls, and I think the parents do it unintentionally. They love them dearly and want to protect them from the many dangers out there, not realizing what they are doing in the long run. They think they are doing the right thing. Alot of fathers remember what they were like as teenagers, and want to protect their precious daughters from all the men who may hurt them. But I agree with you - it does harm us socially, and then it takes a while for us to get back on the right track.
2006-12-16 23:58:40 · answer #8 · answered by Beck 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the parents do it on purpose? I think that they just care and want the best for their daughter that they don't realize they are smothering her. Now, if the dd is going to rebel it isn't because her parents were strict because they would be concerned about the repercussions afterward. They would of done it regardless of how their parents treated them.
2006-12-17 00:06:48 · answer #9 · answered by ws_422 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
coz their parents care
2006-12-16 23:55:20 · answer #10 · answered by dj_luqmaan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋