Advice or encouragement?

Question

I have this friend that's been married for several years.
His wife found out that he's a lieing cheating snake in the grass, on top of all the other hell I 've put her through,...... Uhh .. I mean he's put her through. It's been over a year since he begged and pleaded with her not to leave him and the relationship has gotten pretty sour since then . It feels like he's lost his best friend, the love is not the same ........

(married 17 yrs. , 5 kids involved.)

Answer 1

Of course the love is not the same, nothing is be compared to a 17-yr-old relationship, you must have shared all types of moments ( I mean they must have),,, well , anyway I think your friend must do ANYTHING to gain his family back , he can talk to some family friend or a close relative to be a liason, I also think the wife should be forgiving one and should forgive the husband for the sake of the children

Answer 2

If your friend truly loves her, he would let her go and wish her happiness, even if it's not with him. You can't make someone love you who has been hurt by you many times.

I have many friends who are now alone because their husbands cheated, and it took many years to get their self-confidence and self-worth back, but it does happen.

Your wife sounds like she gave it her all and is a good woman deserving happiness. Who knows, maybe in time you might become the man she needs and she might come back to you on her own after healing herself, maybe not.

Sex is only a part of life, a part of marriage, when it becomes the whole center of your life, something is wrong. Here is a quote by C.S. Lewis.

"Suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let everyone see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a pork chop or a piece of bacon. Would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with their appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something strange about the fact that people pay money to watch a woman take off her clothes?"

C.S. Lewis


I wish you much strength and courage as putting someones elses needs above your own takes a strong man. May God bless you and I'll say a prayer for you.

Answer 3

I've been married 16 years and I have five kids also. It's been the most wonderful time of my life. I feel for you and will pray for you. Sounds like the regret has set in and you are desperate to save what you had. I think that you have the answer to your own question. You said that you feel like you are losing your best friend, well stop begging and just treat her like she is your best friend. Quit worrying about the love being the same and make it better than the same. One night about eight years ago I was lying in bed with my wife and looked over and realized what I had and just told her that she was beautiful. It was one of those moments when I wasn't after anything I just really thought she was beautiful. That was the best loving I have ever got. My advice just love what you know she is and pray for the best.

Answer 4

My husband and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary April 8, 2007. We haven't always had an easy time of it ourselves, but
the one thing that we do have is true love for each other. We, as
a couple, would either take a short trip or just get someone to
take our 3 children for a day or two and talk, try to understand
each others feelings, and try to get back to being us, not you and
me. We didn't cheat on each other but there are other things that
can tear a marriage apart too. Your wife deserves as much of a
chance to regain what you have taken from her by your actions
as is humanly possible. You should do everything in your power
to be a better husband to her and I know she will be a good wife
to you. 17 years is a long time to be together to just throw it away
on a roll in sack.

Answer 5

if it has been a year and she's still about leaving let her go. Especially if there has been lying and cheating. If she can't forgive you, it'll be hell on earth for both of you. Maybe you can both move on and find happiness. Take it as a lesson next time not to lie and cheat. Sorry, but sometimes you have to learn through mistakes.

Answer 6

Personally i feel she should keep walking.
mainly because you (oh sorry i mean your friend) has taken alot of her life already..
She needs to find herself. every part of herself..
and love each part of that self... because its something she has been lacking for so long.

She deserves it. as every human being dose.
If you ( i mean your friend ) have the need to cheat and lie..
Then your not totally happy either.. and some self soul searching is needed to find out what you need.
Even if you realise it is her you need.. Please look at the pain she must be feeling and by all means help out, keep the friendship ..
But don't pull the heart strings because your afraid of being alone ..
Even after so long..

Blessings ALD

Answer 7

There are consequences to being a lying cheating snake. There are consequences to all violations of God's commands. Many of us have had to learn that the hard way. Pick up where you are and go on your way. Things will never be the same, they can't be.

Answer 8

wow, he's going to have to accept what his wife wants. he hurt her badly and those wounds will take alot of time to heal. if he feels like he lost his best friend and the love, well he should have thought of that before he cheated on her and his kids. affairs affect not just the husband and wife, it affects the kids and other family members. gluck!

Answer 9

Ask for her forgiveness and then give her some time to think about her marriage with your friend. Your friend should ask for help if he really wants the marriage to work again.

Answer 10

Have you tried talking to a pastor? Marriage counceling should come from someone who has years of experiance like a pastor.