i'm sick of all the clutter?

Question

my kids have got too much stuff-toys,books,games.They throw it round the house and trash my house on an half hourly basis.i am sick of it and shout and bawl .i've read all the parenting mags but my eldest is very difficult his own grandma won't look after him. should i get rid of all the stuff becos i am near to really hitting him soon. things have got worse since i split with their dad

Answer 1

Boys need dads to give guidance and example. Some dads are not up to it anyway and the boys will test when they are not about. Can you try to explain to your eldest (you didn't say how old he is) that he has got to show adult responsibility now that his dad is not about, that you need some male support for the sake of his siblings and that like it or not he would be doing you the greatest favour if he could show a level of maturity beyond his years. A lot might depend on whom he blames for the break-up as he might be punishing you, either for the break-up or for not preventing it in the first place.

Sit him down and explain these points to him. Hitting him might relieve your frustration in the short term but will build up his resentment of you. After all, haven't he and his siblings already been punished by the break-up of their family?

Answer 2

Don't shout and bawl, just do what you say you'll do. If you threaten to clear the room, then do so. If you threaten to throw away a toy left on the floor, then DO IT! They have to learn you mean business, and that you will follow through on what you say.

Get each child in turn, pick a time when that child is in good form, go through his or her stuff with him, and aim to get him/her to get rid of everything they don't want or play with. Do the same with their clothes.

Aim to reduce the amount of stuff they have by about a third - they'll get more stuff next week anyway - and either dump it or give to charity.

Then explain to the child that you don't want to live in a pig-sty, and if they persist in treating their stuff like rubbish, you will do the same, and toss anything left lying around into the bin. Give them a five minute warning when they're about to leave a room, tell them they have a chance to tidy up now, and anything left on the floor when they're gone is history. THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!

They're also testing you at every turn - now that you've split with their dad - and they will walk all over you if you don't set out the rules and demand more of them.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think that you should get rid of some of the stuff not all of it. Get them to sort their stuff into ones they really like and ones they like but do not play with some often. Then take the ones that they don't play with some often and out them in the garage or loft and if they don't ask for them within the next few weeks, then get rid of them.

Also may the kids are just playing up because they are reacted to the fact that you have split with their dad. Maybe you should sit them down and talk with them about it and tell them that even though you have split from their dad he will always be their for them and they will still see him, and depending on how things stand with their dad maybe you could invite him around so that you could speak with the children together

Answer 4

I have two children and i think they have too much stuff as well. How i deal with the stuff that is Lying around i lift them and pace them in the bin while they are watching i only had to do this a few times as they started to take note on what would happen if their stuff was lying around i am not saying that i don't have to check on them Any more but if they leave something at their rear end then i simply say "so you don't want this any more fine its for the bin" they then lift them and put them in the proper places. I also remove items belong to them and place them in a box in my bedroom and lock them away for a week this i haven't had to do often as they learn ed very quickly that i will carry out what i say. So if you try any of these ideas good luck all us parent need luck on our side sometimes.

Answer 5

don't hit him but throw away some stuff and just keep the stuff he uses, my kids were the same, so i got all the stuff they don't use and gave it to charity...if he does not clear away after him, stop his pocket money or take away his privileges until he learns how to tidy his mess....or better still put the stuff in storage boxes and put them in the garage/attic/loft, he's prolly looking for attention since you and his dad split, ask him what's up and talk to him about it, hitting him will make him worse...and i do not agree about hitting kids, there's other ways of dealing with the problem...plus were getting very close to christmas now so theres going to be more clutter if you don't sort it now...

Answer 6

You've gotta be kidding! I'm an American who teaches English to grammar school kids in Thailand. I've been to more than twenty countries and seen those kids too. If you think your kids are too much to handle, I suggest you visit the school (unexpected, and right before lunch or the end of the school day) and then reconsider how un-rully your children are compared to all the other brats doing the same thing. Sometimes an agressive ATTITUDE at the right time is enough to turn the tides.

Answer 7

You and the kids need to go do something fun. Then, after you've all had a break you can go home and pick one room to start sorting through. make it like a game with them. Like, who can find the most things with wheels. get the idea? splitting with your spouse is never easy at any age. good luck!

Answer 8

You need to de-clutter . What i tell my kids if they make a mess even in their room , i say if i stand on anything , it gets binned but you have to be consistent and let them see you throw their stuff in the bin . They may want it back but let it be on your terms .

Answer 9

tell them theyre not allowed to watch telly until they chuck away all the stuff that they havent used for half a year. and all of it has to fit in their bedrooms. make a room like the sitting room out of bounds for toys. eventually the message will sink in.

Answer 10

wait till the kids are at school and then tidy up their stuff, using big black bin bags. I do this, my kids are such scruffs, mess everywhere, they do get warned, clean it or i'll bin it, if they don't think I mean it then that's what I do. Don't however replace it all at Xmas or Birthdays.