Rude jokes?

Question

Anyone know any? or stories?

Answer 1

Here's a compilation of mean quotes i had laying around my pc.. hope this helps... :D


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its
limits."
- Anonymous
=====
"The only thing that ever consoles man for the stupid things he does
is the praise he always gives himself for doing them."
-Oscar Wilde
=====
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the
intelligent are full of doubt"
-Bertrand Russell
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"Silence is the best answer to the stupid"
-Anonymous
=====
"Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the
privilege."
-Anonymous
=====
"Ridicule is the first and last argument of a fool"
-Charles Simmons
====="Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error"
-Marcus Tullius Cicero
=====
"There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."
-Scott Adams
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"Idiots and lunatics see only their own wit."
-François de la Rochefoucauld
======
"Is being an idiot like being high all the time?"
-Janeane Garofalo
======
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
the difference.
-louli
=====
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level then beat
you with experience.
-anonymous
=====
"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron
who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the
fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential..."
-William Thomas

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Well, I don't think they are allTHAT rude..but here ya go:'I understand that you are kind to inferiors. Where do you find them? xxxxxx 'A man enters an elevator ,turning to the only other person there he asks "Hay lady, can I smell your p___y?" The lady gets all huffy.."No! You cannot! What kind of person do you think I am?" she answered irately.
"Sorry!" said the man "it must be your feet!!"
====There were 3 blondes walking on the beach, when tyhey found a genie bottle. The genie of the bottle,seeing that there were 3 of them, informed them that he could only give them a total of 3 wishes, they each got only 1 wish. The 1st blond says she knows what she wants.."Oh! I've always wanted to be smarter" Well,said the genie, "that is easy...ZAP! She was now a redhead. She loved it. Now #2 gushes.." Oh! Make me even smarter!!" "Easy" said the genie Zap! Now she was a brunette. At this point ,the third girl starts jumping up and down.." Oh, mr. genie," I love being dumb!!! Could you make me dumber?'ZAP! she's now a MAN, Easiest of them all;" said the genie, as he faded away. xzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxx
"How many __'s does it take to eat a rabbit?" Three...two to watch for cars!! (fill in the ethnic group you wish to insult)
xzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzx
Two old school friends meet up after several years. They go into a little cafe for drinks and to catch up on each others news. The first girl to talk is dressed to the9's and goes on and on about her rich hubby, perfect kids,her house etc. The second girl, sitting quietly,and looking interested in the others stories, would punctuate each highlight with a"Well, Isn't that special!?" Finally, girl #1 says "Enough about me! Tell me what you've been up to." #2 says that she had been to finishing school. FINISHING school? laughed # 1..What ever could you learn at finishing school? "Well" replied #2, "It has taught me to say"Well, isn't that special...enstead of the "F__ K you!" like I wanted to!!!"
xzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzx There will always be those who are going to think that you are stupid...so, for gods sake...keep your mouth shut ...least you prove them right!

Answer 4

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."

Answer 5

A fat woman came into the shoe store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest, ugliest tree!

Al (to a trio of fat women) : So do you really work for Victoria's Secret?
Fat Woman : Yes, we work for the plus size store for Victoria's Secret. It's called Victoria's BIG secret.
Al : I don't think Victoria can hold a secret this big.


The American justice system works! Beat the crap out of people before the judges let them go!

Answer 6

there was this widow,she was still in mourning and she did not wanna move on and find a new guy.Her daughter introduce her to this guy and the two of them became very interested in each other.they went for a hiking trip.in the first night the widow took of her clothes exept for her thongs and said my body is for u to explore but below is still mourning.the next day the guy wears a black condom and says i would like to extend my deepest condolences.

Answer 7

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to another chair he kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Answer 8

Over 18s only joke?
WIFES PRAYER.
when i lay me down to sleep
i pray for a man whos not a creep
one whos hansome, smart and strong
one whos will* is thick and long
one who'll screw me till ma bodys twitchin in the hall the garden or kitchen.
i pray that this man will love me no end and never attemp to sha* my best friend.
then as i kneel and pray by my bed i look at the wa*nker you sent me instead.

Answer 9

Mr.black comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his
neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a
baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad
Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"
"Yes...... speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you
are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ....
he
will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What
business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing
serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

dnt knw if it is rude or not

Answer 10

Plenty, but not really suitable for a site that kids visit. Email me if you want them.