My Mother in Law is MARIE!!!?

Question

She's Marie, ( the nightmare MIL from everybody Loves Raymand) except she lives 100 miles away. ut she calls 3 or 4 times daily. My house is NEVER clean enough when she comes over. And she keeps inerfiring with ther way we are raising the kids. Granted I am thier step mom but my Husb choose me to help him not her. She keeps butting in. My husb has spoken w/ her but she refuses to listen. He says dont call and she shows up on our doorstep, He says I'm right and she mails us clippings from magazines to prove her point. and so on and so forth.
How can we get her to get a life ( her own pefererably) and let us live ours with out depriving the kids of Grandma whom they love?

She has her two youngest still living at home ( they R both in thier mid to late twenties one w/ a child of his own) and is happily married. She's not quite old enough to be a senior citezen so I cant send her to Florida. Darn.

Answer 1

You couldn't possibly have Marie as your mother-in-law, because she has been mine for the past 3 years!
I mean EXACTLY like her-only right around the corner!!!!!

Here's what I have found through my dealings with my Marie...

Her husband died and all the kids are grown. She is lonely, even though she is the pillar of the community and in every organization you can think of. She is used to being the center of attention for years, and now that she's not, she forces her way into her children's lives in order to get it, regardless of their feelings. She has done everything in the world, and no one else has done what she has, and she has done it 1000 times better. She considers herself to be the matriarch and boss of all.

Not only has she decided how I am to raise my child, she has interferred with every aspect of every grown child's life. Popping by at the worst possible moment to 'spy' on us, forcing us to take $ from her we didn't ask for, even though we needed it, then lording it over us like we owe her our lives, and judging our spending habits since. Calling at all hours of the day, many times a day for nothing. Finding fault with everything and gossiping to her other kids about us. She has to know everything that's going on with everybody, and usually makes a mess of every incident she touches.

I wanted to confront her, but am unable to contain myself when I get riled up, and was afraid to say something I'd regret. After a year or 2 of complaining to my husband, who lived in denial or just purposed ignorance, he finally saw what she was, and spoke up. It did nothing. She kept on. He told her again...nothing. So, one day, I had just had enough. I told her she would obey OUR wishes when it came to our child -we're the parents, not her. I would CORRECT HER in unfavorable incidents that came to her dealing with our child. I stopped attending all family functions, and refused to see her at all. My husband would bring our child by to visit, but he did so alone. (I didn't want to deprive them of their Grandmother, and even though I hated the witches guts, she still was entitled to see her grandchild.) This went on for about a year.

One day, I decided to write her the longest ***** out letter you'd ever seen and told everyone what was in it and when I was going to send it. But...I never did. I hated to cross a road I'd never return to. Once it was sent, I wouldn't be able to take it back and I figured it would make it worse in the end - just fuel the fire. And, although hateful to think, ...what if she died right after receiving it. Wouldn't that make me the monster - giving her the last 'win'. Also, I'd just feel plain crappy if that was the last words I'd spoken to my husband's mother - the woman who gave him life.

However, I guess the letter did the trick after all, as she must have heard the gist from one of my sister-in-laws whom I told. One day, all the bullsh** stopped. I'm not saying it's the best thing in the world by far, but it's a hell of a lot better than what it was. Only problem now, is that she goes overboard trying to go along with our wishes, and lets us know how difficult it is for her. Main point is...it finally got through to her.

Maybe what an earlier answer said is exactly what Your Marie needs...be rude and crude. Fight back and let her know you just plain won't tolerate her behavior anymore. When she shows up on your doorstep unannounced, leave her with the kids and the housework she finds unfinished - two birds w/one stone. So what if she sulks? Would you rather that then a lifetime of stress and depression because of her?

Answer 2

Ow- tough call- and she just shows up?? How rude- Her son needs to sit her down and give some strict guidelines- like only visiting 1x every 2 weeks-or when she invited for birthdays or holidays etc=(if you can tolerate that) or she will not be let in- sounds like she needs some real tough love- or get in the car and leave- say you had plans and g0- that should break her of rudeness-and she calls to talk to who??? If `son- `that sounds like she is `too attached- is she a widower that has nothing else to do- does she have other children?? She must be miserable- too bad- have son suggest senior centers- bridge clubs or others interests for her- even volunteering in her community- take care-D

Answer 3

How long does she stay in one visit? If it is a short period, one shud be in a postion to tolerate. Secondly there are certain things which do not take more time whether the job is done well or in an indifferent manner. Try to follow her advice one at a time and see if it makes sense. Forget about the nagging.

Answer 4

specific, relax and enjoy your individual kinfolk. you're doing it suitable. Spend it slow rearing your babies marvelous. you do no longer ought to furnish leisure for the previous harpie. If she calls asking for information, you are able to shop it wide-spread such as you have been talking to an casual acquiantance on the line... volunteer no longer something own. there are a number of families created from chilly fish like that... and you would be surprised at how they are going to behave whilst she gets too previous to do stuff for herself.

Answer 5

Make her understand.. The one in everybody love Raymond is very different.. his mom was very protect of him.. You need to make her understand.. and maybe because you stepmom to her grandkids... Just have to talk to her and make her listen to you.. She wanted to be in the grandkids life.. but driving at less hour to see help i think she crazy....

Answer 6

seems like you are having alot of problems with his family but that is his mother and you should love her and laugh about it

Answer 7

GREAT..ask lisa @ yahoo answers

Answer 8

do what yor soul-mind say.