This is my first year in college and I've been told to "have fun" and meet people! I like to flirt and receive attention and I love the chase...but I don't do relationships. (I'm not a slut either..I have very strong morals) Well I met a guy and he's been chasing me ever since school started. I finally gave in recently and now we're boyfriend/girlfriend. He says all the sweet things a girl would love to hear and he'll do anything for me. I'm so scared that I'll get attached to him. I don't do relationships because I know what it is like to have your heart broken and crying and not sleeping and feeling helpless. I haven't been in a real relationship for two years because I've been so afraid of getting hurt. Ever since I've guarded my heart.. Now we're home for the holidays and I find myself missing him and thinking about him. What should I do? I can' t find myself to trust him. Even the happiest of couples eventually break up. Should I end up before I become emotionally attached?
2006-12-16 18:44:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't go through life emotionally detached from everyone... That is not living.
There is a saying that you can avoid life, but you can't avoid death.
You will face heart break from time to time, but it is unavoidable. Your parents will die some day, and I hope you are human enough to cry when that day comes, (I have been through it once already).
It is obvious that you have feelings for this person. If you break it off now, you will live the rest of your life wondering, if not regretting what could have been. The guy treats you well by the sound of it, why throw it a way?
CyberNara
2006-12-16 19:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by Joe K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you bring yourself to trust him? Its not because of anything he has done. Its because of your own personal baggage. "What if we break up and I feel the same way I did before in that *other* relationship?"
It sounds like he is VERY interested in you, though, so he doesn't seem like the type who would want to purposefully hurt you. Quite to the contrary, he seems like he is going head-over-heels for you, and I'll bet good money he'd continue to do so if you are willing to let him. That, of course, is up to you.
As far as "the happiest couples eventually break up", thats not true. Sure, some of them do, but thats usually because they forget why it was that they were so happy in the first place, or because they never really were happy in the first place and opted to settle for something rather than what they really wanted. My grandparents were married 69 years "'til death did they part". My parents were married 24 years "'til death did they part". It can, and does happen, but it takes time and energy and a lot of loving to make a relationship work, and he sounds more than willing to give that and a lot more. If you're willing to let him try, and I think you should, I think you have the potential for a most fantastic long-term relationship. Good luck!
2006-12-17 03:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by G A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, not ALL relationships end with someone walking away with a broken heart... just an FYI. all my past relationships have been neutral and nothing like cheating/crying involved. & if youre missing him, its OK. you're his girlfriend, you should miss him. just talk to him on the phone everyday so you can communicate. " Should I end up before I become emotionally attached?" = end the relationship? i dont think so... what are you gonna say to him? and what if YOU are the one that breaks his heart. if he really likes you and you do this to him, youll only be selfish, and thats not a good thing. i dont think you should really listen to bad break up stories, and think so much of the future. just enjoy the present, and work things out along the way. :]
2006-12-17 02:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun...it sounds like your already emotionally attached!! Take your time and don't compromise your principles.
All relationships have an element of risk.
While your home....Go to your local Christian Bookstore and get a book called "How to get a Date worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud.
It might give you some confidence in your relationship and give you a clearer perspective when you get back to school and see him again.
Merry Christmas!!!!
2006-12-17 02:54:23 · answer #4 · answered by Chief Paduke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a phrase . . . " You know you are ready to date when you are strong enough to have your heart broken ". Now, that is not to say that I wish anyone, or myself, to have their heart broken. The phrase in part is stating "are you responsible and emotionally strong of heart to delve into the many facets of emotions and the heart:"?. If the answer is not...then careingly ' bench ' yourself and just relate as friends. Who says you have to ' date '. Just share company and stand in your own power of awareness and personal boundaries till you're ready to open your heart to the exploration of dating.
Another phrase..." There's nothing wrong with having ' walls ', just make those walls are strong foundations beneath you." Build your confident personal foundations, then you won't be concerned about having walls up.
2006-12-17 02:51:39 · answer #5 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont let yourself be so closed up that you can't let yourself love again. You won't get your heart broken with everyone you date, though it does happen, but you'll get through it. If you really miss the guy and feel that strongly, then it seems like you have strong enough feelings for him and it sounds like he feels the same. Open up a little bit and who knows, maybe you just met your Prince Charming!
2006-12-17 02:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to try trusting him.
I was married to an abusive person and it took five years for me to really trust someone again but my second husband is so sweet and wonderful. We have been happily together for 24 years. We have only had one quarrel in all that time because we respect each others differences. You don't have to break up!
2006-12-17 02:48:33 · answer #7 · answered by redunicorn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look you already are there. Why not hang in and ride the coaster longer? It might be the one you have waited 2 years for now.Then again it might not be, but you already have feelings for them and you can get over it, if it doesnt work out. (its hard but you will) If you like him and he likes you ,try for awhile then comes love, then comes marrage, then comes baby.no in your case college,like,,love ,marrage,baby.your seem to be working on step one now its time for step 2 then when you finish school if its still meant to be, then you will go to step 3 and so on .Good luck and break your heart, your not living unless your loved and love hurts at times but your alive
2006-12-17 03:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by bri n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop overthinking and just do what you feel is right at the moment. I think we all get emotionally attached to someone when we like them.
2006-12-17 02:50:18 · answer #9 · answered by jenahfah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no joy in life without pain. Maybe this guy would be good for you, maybe not- but better to risk the pain than walk through life half dead, I say.
2006-12-17 02:47:29 · answer #10 · answered by niwriffej 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋