Any joke ?

Question

Any one can make me smile , i will do whatever you say , if you can make me smiley 10 points

Answer 1

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."

Answer 2

i found this last week on here
hope it helps



There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Not 2 Testicles

Answer 3

This husband and wife were having a really important dinner. The wife realized that she didn't have any snails to cook. So she sent her husband to the beach to go and get some fresh snails and he filled up a bucket. Well he got tired and looked around the beach and saw a really beautiful lady and said to himself "man I wish she would come over here and talk to me." Well she did and he ended up waking up LATER that night beside her and realized..."OH **** THE DINNER!" So he hurries up and grabbes his clothes and the bucket of snails.....Gets all the way to the top of his stairs and Drops thee entire bucket of snails back down them...His wife opens the door pissed asking where in the hell had he been~ AND he looks back at the snails and says...................."C'MON GUYS WERE ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!!"
But the elmo joke is also very funny I lmao with that one also

Answer 4

This man goes to a pet store and there is a frog sitting in the window that cost 1500 dollars.He ask the store clerk '' excuse me sir,but why does that frog cost 1500 dollars?''.The clerk replies '' because that frog will give you the best head job job that you will ever experience''.So the man says,''o.k. I'll take it''.So while he was at home he has the frog in one hand and he's boiling a pot of water.His wife comes home and goes into the kitchen and says'' honey,i hope your not gonna cook that frog''.He replies,'' no honey..but i'll tell you this,if i can teach him how to cook...your out of here.

Answer 5

ok, i've heard some jokes that made me laugh and smile, so hopefully these jokes will too ^_^

Q: what did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: i may take a while to get hard, i just got laid last nite. lol


not smiling yet? how about this one::

MICKEY AND MINNIE MOUSE ARE IN DIVORCE COURT. THE JUDGE IS OVERLOOKING THE PAPERS AND SAYS TO MICKEY, " MICKEY, U SAY HERE THAT UR WIFE IS CRAZY."
MICKEY THEN SAYS, " NO I DIDN'T. I SAID SHE WAS F***ING GOOFY." lol....hahaha get it?? ^_*


well yea...there was this one other joke that was hilarious but i forgot it..so yea...and the 10 pts...hahhaa....u can keep it...=]

Answer 6

blonde jokes:

1.Q: What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
A:Is it mine?

2.Q: How do you tell when a blonde is having her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock.

3.Q:How does a blonde turn the light out after sex?
A: She shuts the car's door.

4.Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!

5. Q:How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
A:Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.

Answer 7

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, "Duck"!

The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that?

Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"

Answer 8

What do toilet paper and Star Trek have in common ? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . They both circle Uranus looking for cling-ons (Klingons)................ I'll enjoy reading others jokes here. And, I'm not seeking the 10 points. Just knowing that you will smile at one of the jokes here is points enough for me. I like smiles.

Answer 9

Here's an old one, but still funny I think.

A somewhat homely girl is at the cash register with items like a half dozen eggs, a quart of milk, a couple of bananas. The clerk at the register says "So, you're single huh?" She says "Yeah, how did you know?" He says "You're ugly."

Answer 10

I recently tryed to make a 1000 orgami cranes, for good luck.
I figured if enough girls saw me fingering those delicate folds,
maybe I could get lucky.