where to start well here it is the beginning. My boyfriend and I had started dating about a year and a month ago. He and I really hit it off, and come April of our relationship something horrible happened to me, I was raped. Before you read any further please do not start thinking I should go to a shrink I have been there and I am dealing with what happened. Well after this he was very supportive and stuck by my side. As time went on he pretty much lived with me, and wasn't helping with the bills. I got aggravated and told him to take a hike. He got a job and everything started to work out, but I started to become really cold and mean towards him even though that is not how I wanted to be. well time went on and we moved into a bigger place. He lost his job after a couple of months and I was paying all of the bills. I love him so I dealt with it. We started fighting more and more. Around Thanksgiving we were off and on and he got back with his ex. Well he did not tell me anything so..
2006-12-16 16:50:15 · 6 answers · asked by mandi88_bailey05_ray 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I called her and asked if they were together. I felt like I needed to know, well he and I had just gotten back together the day I called her. He claims if I would not have called her he would have called and broken up with her. I was crushed, she forgave him. He and I then talked about he and I would be, and we came up with friends with sexual benefits. Mistake I know. Well for the past week and a half everything between he and I has been building strongly, and he says he wants to be with me and loves me and everything else. But he does have love for her and doesn't want to hurt her. He says he is scared and does not want us to end up hating one another, and is scared of getting hurt agian. Well now that Christmas is getting closer I asked what he wanted for Christmas and he said me. I said ok, and it is just getting crazy because he called me by his last name the past few days. Do you all think he is lying and cannot be truthful again? Do you think he is honestly scared?
2006-12-16 16:51:02 · update #1
What are your thoughts on this? As time goes on I feel bad because I know about her and am still doing all of it, but she did it to me. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I can't risk losing what he and I have right now because of a little one who might be in the picture. What should I do?
2006-12-16 16:51:29 · update #2
so none of you think it is possible that he really feels that way? Could it be that he really feels that way and doesn't want to lose a close friend? i don't know I am just trying to figure this out
2006-12-16 16:58:45 · update #3
The problem with that is she is freaking out and she knows I am not going anywhere, but he seems to blind to see it. I am just relazing and being myself it that the right thing to do?
2006-12-16 17:13:16 · update #4
If you can, walk away.
There are far too many people out there that are willing to share a loving, caring relationship with you.
2006-12-16 16:53:30 · answer #1 · answered by Johnny Q. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Right now it sounds like he has strong feelings for both you and his old girlfriend. You and he have both been through a lot. Give him some time to work out his feelings. But don't give up and don't pressure him or you may be driving him into her arms. Keep the lines of communication open with her too. Make sure she knows how you feel and tht you are not ready to give him up either. Chances are if you stay calm about this she'll be the one to freak out and give him an ultimatum and then he will be forced to make his decision. I know this is very hard. I wish you peace and happiness. Life shouldn't have to be this painful.
2006-12-17 01:09:56 · answer #2 · answered by aiguyaiguy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to dump his butt and find someone who REALLY cares about YOU (including yourself).
People always stay in this sort of relationship (more of a rut probably).
You CAN do better, but not until you move on!!!
Don't you think you deserve a person of your own that you don't have to share? What kind of life is that for you now if you are asking us about it? Even worse if you have a kid involved.
You already showed us he is unreliable for bills etc, you think that will change if you add the cost of childcare?
Move on and up...its worth the heartache now as it will only get worse if you stay on this path.
2006-12-17 00:55:36 · answer #3 · answered by wornoutby3 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This man wants his cake...and eat it too!
This may not be what you want to hear....but sweetie...you need to hear it!
This man is playing you!!! IF he LOVED you...he would NEVER offer you the "friends with benefits" deal!!! He is NOT showing you NOR "the other woman" any RESPECT!!! In fact..I doubt if he has any respect for any woman...You need to "kick him to the curve!!!! Run...don't walk away from this one!!!
I am gald he was compasionate enough to stand by you and be the loving caring support that you needed last spring...but what about the love and kindness and caring that you need now???
Don't you feel like you deserve 100% commitment from someone you are supporting??? Don't you feel like you deserve 100% loyalty from a man that you are shariing a bed with????
What is "in it for you" to get his "friendship....with benefits"????
Has he lost his mind????
Please tell me that you are strong enough to do the RIGHT thing for you!!! You hvae given him YOUR love and LOYALTY...why shouldn't you expect...even DEMAND the same???
I know that you are not desperate! I can tell you believe in love and commitment. I know that you work hard and earn a living and you have not asked him to support you...so have more respect for your self!!! You DESERVE a man that will love you and commit to you and be faithful to you and share dreams and make plans for the future with you! And ONLY YOU!!! He has disrepected you long enough!!!! That is why you had resentment towards him and started treating him mean and cold...deep down you knew (and longed for!) that you deserved more!!! There IS a man out there that will love you the way you deserve to be loved...you just have to find him!!! Don't settle for another woman's "leftovers" Don't "settle" period!!!!
You deserve the best...and even though it may hurt ...you CAN live with out this guy!!! If he cannot commit 100% of his love , loyalty and respect to YOU...you don't need him...you can have sex with YOURSELF and be better off in the long run!!!
Love, trust, and respect go hand in hand in every healthy relationship... can he give you these three things??? If he can't you need to cut your losses now!!!
Good luck to you....do what is right for you, and be strong!!! You will feel so much better about your self if you do!!!
(in some ways...he is abusing you as much as your attacker!)
Hold you self up and love your self enough to find someone to treat you like you deserve to be treated!!!
Again...good luck to you!!!
2006-12-17 00:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by photogram1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's a loser, dump him.
2006-12-17 00:56:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just what is your question?
2006-12-17 00:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋