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I'm 25 and have been dating this guy for 5 months. I do love him but I have my doubts I guess. He talks like I'm "the one" for him and I just don't know and sometimes I even think of asking another guy out. I'm not trying to rush it but I feel like I should be more secure about him being the one. I'm a self-admitted commitment phobic so I don't know what to do to help determine if it's fear or lack of something else. What should I do? How can I know?

2006-12-16 16:34:35 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

5 answers

You may not be able to come to an answer as to whether its fear of committing or a lack of passion for him, but it is clear you have the doubts. The best and only thing you can and should do is share it all with him - in its entirity. Don't make any commitment but if he's willing to still date without it, go ahead. In time, if clarity doesn't come your way, then be honest enough to tell him and set him free since he obviously is eager to settle down.

I'm 37 and have experienced various kinds of love. I've learned love is way more than magic and fireworks. I'm a sucker for those things and ache that I can't find it again BUT my experiences have shown me that there is such a love than can be good and solid even without those fireworks and butterflies in the belly. Love is putting others first. If we are in a relationship full of respect and honor, compatibilities and attraction we feel something is wrong if those butterflies don't fill our tummies. But I've learned it doesn't make that relationship a lost cause. In fact, it may be a better one than one where those fireworks do exist. In my case, I have those butterflies for one man I met over 20 years ago. We had such passion for each other - and still do. But he's been in prison for 16 years! Is loving him a good thing?

This is where it gets tough to figure things out.... Do I go for the passion despite the circumstances I'd have to deal with that might not be good for me............. or ........... Do I let myself devote my heart to a good man who digs me, values me, and wants me as his who I dig, value, and want to a degree as well? By 'degree' I'm saying that passion isn't there that makes me crazy mad for him. But I 'want' him.......on a mild, soothing kind of note.

The thing is it's all up to the individual. Some people feel they're only happiness is when they feel fireworks while others find greater happiness in stability and logical scenarios where more of a partnership takes place than a long term magical affair.

You clearly long for something that you haven't found in him. Give it time to find out more about yourself. You'll learn loads about yourself over the next 5 years! But also, think about what matters most to you about the man you grow old with. If he doesn't line up, you may need to tell him and let him go so that he can move on and find his dreams as well.

2006-12-16 16:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by Red Birds 2 · 0 0

Having doubts cannot weight if he is wrong for you cause there is no explanation. Then if you are a committed phobic then why you are wanting to find someone else? You love him but having doubts is not a good reason to get rid of someone.l

2006-12-17 00:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 0 0

If you're having so many doubts then maybe he's just NOT the one. Especially if you're considering going out with someone else. DO NOT rush this! Give it time and you'll figure it out. Quit obsessing about whether he's the ONE or not...just let things naturally progress.

2006-12-17 00:38:32 · answer #3 · answered by redneckgardendiva 4 · 0 0

I don't know you...but I'm going to guess that this is a pattern? You find a guy...he professes his love...and you get scared and run away? Rinse...Repeat....Start Over.

I recommend you decide if you love him back and if you do...don't let him go...one day you'll run out of options and be the lady who lives in a house full of cats chain smoking wishing that guy were still around.

2006-12-17 00:38:40 · answer #4 · answered by Italian_Guy 2 · 0 0

When in doubt? Then that is your answer.

2006-12-17 00:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by fullofsunshine 4 · 0 0

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