What should you do if someone sends a reply back with more attending than you invited?

Question

When my cousin got married someone sent the reply card back for 5 when she had only invited 2 (they had added their kids too). Now I am planning my own wedding and I am trying to find wording for the reply cards to prevent someone from doing this. Any idea's on how to word the reply cards? Also what should you do if someone sends the card back this way? Should you call them and tell them that their are no kids? What is the best way to handle this situation?

Answer 1

OK.

A) Please no more than two. Fire regulations and all.
B) You and one guest have been cordially invited to (my wedding)
ON THE RETURN CARD: Please fill out the name and info of said guest (and ALLOW ONLY ENOUGH ROOM FOR ONE PERSON)
C) Or on the return card.... THIS IS AN ALL NUDE WEDDING. PLEASE NO KIDS OR MEDIA
D) Or, on the card. We have very limited seating available and are trying to bring in the maximum amount of guests so please limit your reply to yourself and one guest.
E) OR.... You are cordially invited with one guest, but please no children.

Basically you need to just worry less about offending your guests. It's your damn wedding and I wouldn't let some damn party crapper who isn't going to give you anything anyway to ruin your well planned wedding.

cereal

Answer 2

Okay - it is great that you are thinking about this in advance - prevention is the BEST way to deal with this!! There are a few things you can do:

1. Include reply cards with the actual names of invitated guests and a check box beside each name - this will help them understand that extra guests are not welcome.

2. If you have premade rsvp cards - fill them out in advance with the names on the invitation and the number of guests invited. This also sends your message clearly without being rude.

3. Some couples have done reception tickets - if the invitation is for two, along with a RSVP card, you also include two tickets and include on each ticket "This ticket will be required to entrance into the reception venue"

With the first two options, you may still get people who add extra names/numbers to the rsvp card and yes, it is appropriate to call these people, just be tactful. Tell them while you would love to be able to accomodate more guests, your venue/budget has limited space and you are only able to accomodate two guests. Some people may take this personally but the truth is you are not required to invite anyone extra

Answer 3

Regardless of how you word the cards, SOMEONE will be a clueless asshat and RSVP for people who were not invited.

People SHOULD know that anyone whose NAME is not on the envelope is not invited. But they are all confused because so many hosts use "and Guest" and "and Family" which you should NOT use. So then they start to assume the "and family" and such is a given, when it is not. Properly, everyone is invited to a wedding BY NAME.

If someone screws up, you simply have to phone them up and say, "Gee, there must be some misunderstanding... didn't we adress the invitation just to you and Uncle George? I'm afraid additional people cannot be accomodated, as we drew up our invitee list very carefully." and they will hopefully catch on during the conversation, that they made the etiquette mistake.

It doesn't matters if the "additional people" are kids. They are additional PEOPLE, they have names, and their names would have been on the envelope, had you intended to invite them.

You also NEVER use prhases like "Adult reception" or "No children" or anything like that. A polite invitation indicates who IS invited, not who ISN'T. (Also, someone above advises that you discuss letting people bring additional folks if they pay their way-- oh, Noooooo, that is totally wrong. What, you're going to sell tickets to your wedding?! Ack! Huge etiquette disaster.)

Answer 4

The best you can do is make sure that you address the outer and inner envelopes to only the people who are invited.

You could print their names on the reply card, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Smith will / will not be attending." The problem with that is that Mr. and Mrs. Smith might still decide to bring their kids, but since you aren't leaving a fill-in-the-blank for the number attending, then you'd never know. At least with the traditional reply cards, you'll know if they are bringing five people.

If they do indicate that they are bringing their kids, it is perfectly acceptible to call them and explain that the kids weren't invited.

Also, always keep in mind that you cannot make this process foolproof. If people are going to bring extra guests, you can't really prevent it. You could have a family that only RSVPs for two but show up with five anyway.

Answer 5

Alot of people tend to put in their invitations plus 1 guest. Ive known a few who have stated as well no children please. Some people either dont know how to read or just do as they wish and yes you are going to have a few who go against your wishes and send back a reply card for more guests than allowed. So my suggestion would be having maybe a mother or maid of honor or bridesmaid call these rude individuals back and kindly state your wishes and it wouldnt hurt to remid these few that it was stated on the invitation. When it comes down to its your day, and you should remember this day as a wonderful day.
I got married about a month ago and I too had a couple people try this and not to mention one was for a friend of a guest who I didnt even know. In the end it was taken care of and the day went well.

Answer 6

You are going to deal with this no matter how you phrase it becasue there are some people who think that surely you couldn't be refering to them. If you're doing it without kids, clearly state that this is an adults only affair. If they respond with more, call them and let them know that you are sorry, but your budget will not allow you to accomodate more guests and that this is for adults only.People takes it personal when you don't invite their kids.Don't let that stop you. They can simply refuse to go. Their loss, not yours. some brides hire a babysitter to tend to the children in another area so they can keep it kids free.

Answer 7

That was definitely not the right thing for them to do. To avoid this situation yourself, talk to your friends who have children and explain that you cannot invite children because you would have to have the same 'rules' for everyone - and if everyone brought their children, there would be 29 (or whatever) of them. So you would prefer your wedding to be just for the adults. 29 children running around would be too potentially disruptive. You don't have to mention the budget.

Answer 8

On my reception card I stated very specifically, "Adult Reception" - this is perfectly acceptable to do, and no once should be offended. If you do get one back that includes kids, simply call them and state that the reception is adults only, and that you have a limited number of seats and the children will put you over your budgeted number.

Answer 9

Instead of using the word reception use the phrase adult party. I have children and would never dream of bringing them if it was listed like this. make sure to address invite to Mr and Mrs Smith with no mention of children.I would call and mention that children are not invited to the reception but, they really shouldn't respond that way if you call it an adult party. Good Luck

Answer 10

First that person has no class. I would have my mother or maid of honor call and explain your wants this is your day. You could also have them be told that they could bring the extras if they are willing to pay if that is the issue. But I have been to meny wedding that are no kids allowed and if that is too much to ask then you dont want them their at all. You could try and arrange for a teenager from your area to watch them for this person.