losing hope in finding a girlfriend?

Question

For the past year, I have noticed family members and friends in relationships, which is tearing me apart mentally. I know I am still young at 23 yr-old, but how do you live with yourself when your friends your age are in relationships and you're with no one?! Its tearing me apart. I do not know what it is, there is a few girls I am talking with right now, but they are so insistant on finding me a mate, but not willing to date me as a boyfriend. Does a Bachelor's degree and working on a Master's degree not matter anymore? I thought it was intelligence that attracted the females? I need suggestions or advice regarding dating or securing that girlfriend. Thanks

One female friend in particular, I compliment her beauty and personality. I make her smile and laugh, but we have had discussions that she doesn't like me the way I like her. BUT, she feels I can make another girl happy. Oh and about school, I have meet a few girls that I think we are compatable, but they are in relationships! Damn, but no, I really want a female companion. A girl I can talk to and hang out with.

Answer 1

You are still relatively young...don't stress so hard on this. I am not sure if you are in a big city or not, but look around for singles clubs. There is one here in Houston for singles that have social outings together...rock climbing, movies, all different types of things. Perhaps something like that may help you see who is out there and you never know. Other than that, you will come across the right woman when it is time. You mentioned you have good friends who are not interested in dating you...well, if they are good friends perhaps ask them for some advice as well. Your education won't always win someone over. Hopefully your mate when you do find her will have looked deeper than your education/ and income that goes along with a good paying job. It shouldn't all be physical, but she will want other qualities as well...caring, kind, funny, all of those things.
Everyone goes through dry spells...and they say when it rains it pours...so when you do start finding women out there, you may have so many wanting to date you..you may not know what to do!! My best advice is to quit searching so hard right now and see what is out there....she may walk right into you.
I was in your situation when I met the man who later became my husband. I was searching so hard for someone, I didn't see the obvious right in front of my eyes!!

Good luck

Answer 2

Alright. This is gonna sound like cheap publicity, but there's a really good book about flirting (it's not really about dating). I used to suck with women. Now it's been about a year and a half since I read it. I've had two steady girlfriends and some other female "friends". Now, I know: a book? What the heck can a book do? Well, nothing, and then again, everything, if you put the theory into practice and adapt its advices to your circumstances. (That's the hard part). Ok, let's cut to the chase; the book was Double your Dating by David D'angello. I think I can sum it up:

1) Be funny but not goofy; be misterious, confident, unpredictable. Women like a guy they can have a good time with over a handsome yet boring dude. (Men might think differently).
2) Cocky and smart is good as long as it's not arrogant and boringly encyclopedic. Be practical rather than teorically-scientifically intelligent.
3) (At first) don't show her you really need her. Don't let her know you like her. Don't ever tell her you are in love with her. Tease her, make fun of her. You are in control.
4) Do not worry if you're not Brad Pitt or whatever. Girls do not care about appereances as much as we do. Just clean yourself up, shave, use some cologne.

There are other advices but I think the main points circle around that. By the way, I didn't actually buy the book; a friend of mine lend it to me. But if you must: www.doubleyourdating.com
Hope it works for you, man.

Answer 3

First: the master's degree matters alot to you and in your field in the WORLD. Second: Tell your girl friends that they are really hurting your feelings with their matchmaking, and could they please just go to a movie with you AS FRIENDS? If not, stop talking. Third: look around for a new group past-time like local amateur theater, Habitat for Humanity, Food Bank, look thru the newspapers and think creatively. Not everybody is attached nor looking and that can be when the spark happens, when you're sharing an activity and yakking. Ease up, you're lonely, and that's hard, but you're still an emotionally growing young person. Like you said, "it's tearing me apart". Try a divorce at 28.

Answer 4

Your still young buddy, don't worry so much unless you are in my shoes which I am a 34 virgin male, who never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and been turned down like a million times by women, and only had 3 dates and 2 where I was stood up and 1 was babbling on and on about how many guy she slept with. Yet I still live by my self and it has been since 1992 when the last time I have dated. So therefore, I suggest you start going out socializing to women more often to places where your ideal mate would be like social outings, charity events, library, college, some form of function some where. So don't give up hope and don't end up like me. Good Luck.

Answer 5

When 911 occurred, women were reprogrammed to go after the buff, fireman type of man. The second part of the double-wammy is the dot-com crash that made geeks look like losers.

All I can say is don't give up. I'm 38 and still looking. I feel that I've done everything right but still can't seem to find someone. Just keep trying and be open to new opportunities. Don't force fit a relationship. Good luck.

Answer 6

Although my son is a little bit younger than you, he seems to be going through the same anxiety somewhat. He is going to school and working 2 jobs. He has had only one fairly serious relationship and he really misses the companionship and having that special "someone". He has it all - - - charm, handsomeness, great sense of humor, compassion - - - but he does have some high standards when it comes to dating, so he is willing to wait for the right one. He's also very deeply rooted in his faith . . . . so he is confident that God has a special girl chosen just for him and that the timing isn't right yet for him to meet her.

Relax, you are still young - - - it's not like you are in your 40's. Just try to find ways to group date. Maybe one of your friends will hook you up with someone that has some things in common with you. Keep busy, it's when you least expect it that you meet that special one!!

Answer 7

Hi, you are still young! I'm older than you by a few years, am single, and I have a similar problem to you, because so many of the friends I grew up with are now engaged or married. I attended so many weddings in the last few years and especialy last couple of months, and each time it just kind of hits me. There is a good reason why I'm single (because my boyfriend of many years passed away last year due to cancer), but still, I'm also losing hope... like you.

Now to answer your question...
Remember, you are still young! Even for guys to reach 30+, they are still in prime time to find a partner. For girls, it's kind of harder. There is the someone for you, but she may come when you least expect it.

About the bachelor degree and all that, I know someone who has a couple of bachelor and master degrees and doing a PhD. He is cocky... that doesn't attract me. I like him, but the ********* part is a turn-off. When and if he is humble, then I would probably fall at his feet :) (joking, but half truth). So yes, intelligence attracts certain females (probably the kinds you want to attract), but be careful not to be too proud.

To secure a girlfriend, first you need to be in the environment to be able to meet potential girlfriends - I'm guessing for you this means in your uni classes and the social activities you normally go to. You could also expand the opportunities by joining community classes, like cooking classes for instance, or language classes. They tend to have nice young females in them :) or even dancing classes.

Then when it comes to securing the girlfriend, both parties play a role. From your part, I'm going to suggest a few qualities that would attract a nice girlfriend: fun to be with, caring, considerate, genuine and smart.

Being too desperate sometimes chases people away, but don't be a "hard-to-get" on purpose either. I hate that, and there are people out there who can see through it and would never date you for it.

Ok, hope that's not too much to digest. Don't lose hope. You will find that someone.

Answer 8

People fall in and out of love at different ages in their life. I am 24 and I finally am ready to move on toward a new relationship. It just takes time. I have a few guy friends that are 24 and never had a girl friend. I wouldn't date them because they aren't my type but I am sure that they will make some girl happy. Don't look for love, let love find you. If you find a girl you want to be with, approach her, if she doesn't like you, move on. Eventually love will fall for you.

Answer 9

My advice to you is stop taking others advice.(Until you read this one) Date on your own accord at such a young age rushing into a relationship would be meanignless. Plenty of girls would be lucky to date a man with an education such as yours and soon they'll realize the real good looking men won't be good looking forever but you'll still have your smarts.
So hold out and let the right person find you
Good Luck

Answer 10

Why do you want a girlfriend. Is it only because your family members are in relationships so you think you have to be also? Think about that....single life is highly underrated in my opinion!

Even your language (ie. "how do you live with yourself" and "securing that girlfriend") suggests that you are not seeking a mate for the right reasons. My guess is that you are going to be the guy who dates or marries the wrong girl just because you cannot deal with your own insecurity.