What if my son doesn't get along well with the twins?

Question

I've heard that some kids don't get along well with new siblings( especially 2). Jaylin is 2 years old and VERY spoiled! He loves all my attention! What would I do if he doesn't like the twins?

Answer 1

I can't really tell if the twins are around yet for him to be annoyed by.

Every child that age who have no siblings are like that. I promise. I have two children who are two years apart, and for months I worried Cameron would resent baby Colin.

It was a non-issue.

You can try a few of these ideas, though:

You don't mention how often your son is around other children. That can make a difference, since even though he has the attention at home, does he have to share it at daycare or something? Also, are there any other kids in the family, or is he the only one?

If he's the only baby around, then it's possible he has the attention not because he demands it, but by default, since there's no one there to share it. It could be he'll not have a lot of trouble sharing some of the limelight.

1. Keep them involved. Let him know babies are in Momma's tummy. Show him the sonogram pictures. If the doctor allows it, take him to a doctor visit to let him hear the baby's heartbeat, or let him in the room before labor turns ugly and let him listen then and/or watch the monitors. Let him know that it's a little boy or girl like him and what the babys' names will be. You can even let him pick out a present for the baby. My son picked out a stuffed cookie monster for the baby, and every night he put the plush in the crib with Colin.) If you do all this, it'll be a little less of a shock when there are these little red bundles of crying taking up all of Momma's time.

2. Sell him on the cool parts of being a big brother. A big one that worked well for us was that big brothers get to eat real food (and cookies and drink chocolate milk or juice in bob the builder sippy cups) while babies only get white milk in baby bottles (we even let him have a taste of the baby's milk, and he decided on his own that apple juice and cookies are a better snack). Big brothers also got to go to bed a little later at night and wear Spiderman pajamas and look at books.

3. Two years old is young, but there are things he can do to help, and that can really help him feel needed in the family. He's lost his spot as the one to be adored, so helping him carve out a place in the group will help him. At two, he can sit on the couch and, with close supervision, "hold" the baby. He can give the baby a bottle, give a pacifier, sing a lullaby, make faces. Cameron loved burping the baby, too, but that needs to be done very very carefully so they don't hit the baby's back too hard. I think he liked the instant reward of actually getting a burp out of the baby. :-) He can help pick out clothes for the baby to wear, or which blanket he can be wrapped in. At that age, they like to have some control even over little things. Letting him make those simple decisions can help him feel he hasn't lost control all over the place. Two-year-olds are great for entertaining the baby during spongebaths or diaper changes (change diapers on the floor using a mat, and he can sit across from you and entertain the baby by singing, talking, making faces, showing off a stuffed animal, etc.) Of course, it goes without saying that EXTREME supervision should be practiced. A big advantage is that kids from about 1-1/2 years old to about 3-years-old or older are fascinated by babies, and they love to love on them. Encourage it!

4. Don't cast him aside. There are, of course, times when he will have to not be in the middle of things. When you are at the hospital having the baby, let him know what's going on, but have something really fun planned for him. My older child went to stay with Grandma and Grandpa, who always have bananas. They had pizza for dinner. :-) Depending on the hospital and their policies, if he's allowed to come up there, and if there is a tv and vcr, get him a new video to bring up to the hospital after the baby is born. We put a brand new Blues Clues video in, and that way, Cameron was able to be with us and near the baby without having to focus on too much for him to handle.

5. I know this sounds wierd, but of the children, early on, the one most in need of being held, given attention, etc. is the older child. I'm not saying ignore the newborns, but if they're sleeping, they can be put down to bed and older brother can have that time with Momma and Daddy. Basically, early on, all the newborn will do is sleep, eat and poo (sometimes all at once). They won't need that much expressive attention, and can't handle that much without going into sensory overload. But if you consider how big a change this is, the older child, at just two years old, will not be prepared to lose his cuddle time, and he shouldn't have to. He didn't choose to have the baby. Even if he has to share time and attention, which he does, there are ways to help with it. For example, when the baby is being nursed or bottle-fed, big brother can sit up with Momma and baby and listen to a story, or watch Sesame Street, or sing songs, or just talk. Multi-tasking is one of the main things moms have to learn to do. :-) Doing that could also provide some wonderful time to not only bond with the new babies, but to allow the siblings to bond, and to bond as an entire family.

6. Don't blame the baby for things the two-year-old has lost. If he wants ot have a story, or whatever, and the mother doesn't have the energy, saying "Momma's sleepy" is easier to accept without placing blame than "The baby kept Momma up all night."

These things, as well as special little suprises (something my kids love is that I pick up "birthday" paper plates with their favorite characters, so they think it's cool when they get to have a Batman or Mickey Mouse plate or whatever) and just lots of love and acceptance, I think your son will be fine. My kids are best buds now, and they argue, but I'm glad we had them so close together.

Hope some of this helped. Congratulations to you and your family!

Answer 2

You need to talk with him about the new changes soon to come as much as you can. Buy some books and maybe some dolls so he can see you take care of them. The best thing you can do is get him prepared so that it isn't such a shock. He will probably suprise you. My children were all thrilled, and are very protective of their twin brothers :)

Answer 3

He shouldnt be given the option to dislike the kids, express to him the importance of being a big brother. Have him help with tasks make him a part of the process so he cant help but love them. Eventually he is become a typical protective big brother and FYI, STOP SPOILING HIM it does no good for anyone involved.

Answer 4

(Jaylin is my nieces name, spelled the same way)
When they arrive, you need to involve him with them....as in let him get you a diaper for them and thank for for being such a big helper and great big brother. He will adapt better if he feels involved instead of pushed aside b/c of the new babies.

Answer 5

Get him involved with the new siblings...get him to help pick out names and to help you with them that way he still feels needed and you still spend time with him and he will feel apart of the twins.

good luck and congratulations :)

Answer 6

Here is a good place to go.... It will help you on what to do to prepare him and then after the baby gets here...... Hope this helps


http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/toddler/toddlerbehavior/11564.html

Answer 7

He will just have to get used to it. Maybe he can stay with a grandparent or close realitive for a couple of days until you get settled.

Answer 8

dis like him lol crazier and crazier they get