i have a 6 yr. old girl who's father doesn't ask about her what should i do to make her feel better?

Question

my 6 yr. old's father left and never botherd to call and talk to her and she is having a hard time in school and i'm trying my best to be the mother and the father at the same time but when she looks at the other kids who has fathers she get's sad inside but she doesn't come and ask me about her father so i'm trying to figure out a way to make her feel more happier and try to tell her that her father loves her and try to not bring it up alot

Answer 1

Whoa! Number one don't stick up for him. If he's a schmuck, let her discover that on her own. It will only hurt worse if you keep sticking up for him.

In the meantime, be the best mom that you can be. It is hard now a days to bring up kids.....it's VERY expensive and we have to work alot and we are tired and that is understandable. But, if you yourself feel ok with the situation then she will to. I mean Dad's are important because their love impacts our future need for love but an independent mom who is self confident loving and honest......can definitely take the place of a deadbeat dad.

Don't bring up the topic. Just let it go and be you a really good loving and wonderful you and your child will develop fine. If she brings it up talk about her feelings on the topic and ask her how she would like to resolve it. Tell her how it made you feel when he left, explain how your relationship was with your dad and whether you had hoped she had or didn't have the same type of relationship. Tell her that you love her and that you are so sorry that she was hurt this way and that you just want to be there for her in any way possible but most of all you want to be her friend. :) hope this helps!

Answer 2

Well take her in your arms and have a mommy and daughter
talk. Ask her what is bothering her, even though you already
know. Listen to what ever she has to say, don't say anything,
unless it is a question or she expects a response from you.
Tell her that that daddy left not because of her, but because
of you and him just couldn't get along. And for her not to think
that it is her fault. Give Her A Big Bear Hug and a Kissy Poo
and hopefully she will just let it go for now. Keep her mind busy
when you have time. Like a nice day take her out to the play
ground, just keep doing the thing together like you been doing.
I'm talking from experience my daughter was only 3 years old
and she was very pissed off as well. She didn't want to do her
home work from school and when he did come to visit she told his *** off and told him to leave us alone and to never come back again. She is 22 years old and still feels the same never
changed. We two are really close because of him and I thank
him for that, because she wasn't daddy's little girl, she became
mommy's little girl. We don't talk about him at all, she considers
him dead in her eyes. So you do all the fun things with her and
soon she will forget about him and remember who is raising
her and that is YOU. Sing I LOVE YOU from barney everyday
or every chance you get to show her how much you love her. I
do this everytime or everychance I get to my (now I have a ) 9 year old and
to my grandchildren and I been doing this since barney been
around. Give a group hug all the time, she should forget about
him in no time, Remember he is the loser not you. and she
will catch on too.

Answer 3

That's a horrible situation, and I don't envy you one bit. That poor baby....... :-(

I think the best thing you can do is to keep being there for her and to encourage her to be strong. Many little kids feel somehow responsible for the problems in their parents' lives (she may feel like he doesn't call because she did something wrong, or that you are feeling stressed because of her). Most of them won't tell their parents that, though, so even if she were to deny it, that doesn't mean it's not there. And, of course, if it truly isn't there and you ask if that's what going on, just asking the question could put it in her head that she maybe SHOULD be worried, so don't bring it up unneccessarily.

Acknowledge her hurt. Let her know that you know how sad it is that all her friends have daddies in their lives, and that that feeling is normal and acceptable. Lots of parents want their children to be happy so badly that they try to convince their children that things aren't all that bad. Doing that isn't going to make her not be sad, and it's going to make her think she shouldn't be feeling what she feels.

At times when she's particularly upset about it, give her a hug, let her work through her feelings (this is really a situation neither of you can change, so the best way to handle it is to learn to deal with it and come out okay on the other side). Tell her how much she means to you, and to the other people in her life.

I think you should be honest (but not brutal) with her. When she asks why Daddy never calls, or expresses a belief that he doesn't love her, to tell her that he really DOES love her is probably pretty confusing. The way he treats her (or I guess the way he doesn't treat her at all) is NOT an example of love. Don't flat-out tell her that, but I wouldn't try to argue that he does love her when he doesn't seem to.

A good approach may be to tell her that, by not getting to know her, he is missing SO MUCH, because she's really a very very special little girl. Almost taking a tone of pity for him might help take some of the edge off the anger you probably have for him over this whole situation.

Now, I'm not at all suggesting you go shopping for a Daddy, but I think it's more than possible to allow her to have several "parental' figures in her life. An uncle, grandparent, friend, pastor, etc. could provide that kind of fatherly affection little girls really need. I'm a big fan of the theory that it takes a village to raise a child. Recruit yourself a village, and let her know both vocally and silently that there are people in the world who care about her, and just because he's her daddy by science, that means nothing compared to people who are an active part of her life and who love her.

Be there for her at all times (and it certainly seems like you are) and try to get her to realize that she'll be okay without a dad, and that he's missing out on something really awesome, and hopefully, when she's older, she'll be okay with the lot she's drawn in life.

Answer 4

I'm speaking from personal experience here. I was that little girl once upon a time. And then I was the mom later. Thank heavens he grew up and decided to be a Daddy for real after a couple of years.
First off never nEVER talk bad about Daddy to her or in front of her. Sure you and I may have the same blackened opinion of the scum but he is a part of her, and there is nothing wrong with her.
Then all you can do is be there and support her. Love her , let her know how much you love her every chance you get. Listen to her. She may or may not want to talk about it. Encourage her to talk but dont force the issue. Counseling would be ideal for her. If cash is an object have her start talking to a guidance couseler at school.
Keep being the best mom you can be.(If youre Christian) let her know she will ALWYS have her Daddy God with her and He loves her very much.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Tell her that sometimes Men are just stupid. Empower her as an independent girl, that doesn't need a boyfriend or guy to make her happy. My brother knocked two girls up before his third one... I'll never understand his ability to not have any relationship with his other two kids at all. It only leads me to the same point. Most men are stupid! They are trained from an early age to not deal with their emotions. Then they are told that have to "handle" things. The only thing they handle is this false pride in their "manhood'. Once that "Moment" is over, they split. I'm wondering if men will ever catch up with the mental/emotional development of women! I'm sure there are some good guys out there... But in general, I just feel that "men are stupid"!!! The trick would be to teach your daughter the reality without making her depressed or hopeless in her relationship endeavors when she gets to that age... In the meantime, you and hopefully other positive male influences in your life can give her the love and support she needs!

Answer 6

I don't think telling her that her father loves her is going to come across as believable. There is a void there that you won't be able to fill Just keep on being the best, most loving mom you can be.

Answer 7

Believe it or not, you and your thoughts, actions, and comments may shape your daugther's life --her self-esteem, her confidence, self-respect, EVERYTHING. Whenever my children are sad because their father is not here, I tell them, "Your father loves you, but he does not have his priorities in order; and if HE is lucky, he will get them in order soon. But if not, don't fret because you are a gift from God and I love you more than life itself."

Even if your daughter does not ask you, she knows and has feelings about it --so don't wait, talk to her now and often and reassure her of her selfworth.

Remember, don't lie to your child, but don't volunteer any information that she does not need to know that might hinder her self-esteem. For instance, I truly believe my children's father loves them, but that he loves himself more -- I tell them the first part and not the second part. Nor do I tell them how I feel about him NOW. I always tell them what kind of person he was when I feel in love with him. And how his shortcomings are not their fault. Believe me, this is crudical for your daugther's self-esteem now and in the future. At times, it is very hard not to tell them how hard their father makes it on me --trying to be mother & father both, etc. --but I feel as single-parent children they will face enough obstacles in life already. I teach them to be self-confident and independent --and I remember that they will someday be old enough and wise enough to make their own decisions about the type of man (or lack of) their father is later in life. When I get really mad at their dad --I just remember the good times I am having with OUR children that he is missing and can never get back. I also recall the pride I feel when people praise my children, because I did this --mother & father -- on my own. Life has it ups & downs, but it has lots of hugs & kisses (from my little ones) too. I would not want to miss them for anything --when I think of this, I feel sorry for their father.
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Best of luck!

Answer 8

Take her to a counseler, preferably one that does "play therapy". It works wonders on children that age when one parent is missing. She'll get out what she needs to and she'll learn that it's ok to talk about it and it's ok to be sad. Don't try to avoid it at home either. When she gets sad about it talk to her and tell her that it's ok that she's sad. Tell her there's nothing wrong with it and make sure she knows that it's NOT her fault he left adn that he does love her. I hope I helped!

Answer 9

do no longer see a project with him showering/bathing along with his 3 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous daughter, yet I do think of it particularly is time he places shorts on. additionally she desires to be corrected whilst grabbing "at him". I ought to daughters and raised them in an gown optionally available abode and neither one has grabbed at me by using fact they have been taught what became suitable and what wasn't.

Answer 10

Maybe you shouldn't try to tell her that her father loves her. I does't sound like he does. Tell her that some people in this world only love themselves. It is not her fault that her father is not in her life. Tell her that there are all kinds of families. Just love her.