Will I ever get over this awful jealousy I have of her?

Question

This is about my sister, I really do love her. The thing is she's like from 1-10 a 9 at least. She would have to be. Everytime we're together I see so many guys looking at her. And girls too, because their jealous of her and want her looks I guess. That's why girls look at other girls right? Years ago people used to say we looked like twins. But that was when we were in our early twenties. She's 2 and 1/2 years older then me. But I was like 30 pounds thinner then. Now no one says we look a like and don't even know we're sisters. I guess it's the weight and age has just changed me. Even then she still got much more attention. The thing is I don't even feel near as attractive as her I feel only to be a 4. Because I feel some people look at me funny. I feel something's wrong with me. How do I get over this awful pain. I don't even have a boyfriend right now and she's married with a beautiful baby boy. The guy I like at work he's not into me. I think if only I was her!!

I mean people treat her differently then me. At work some people don't even say hello. I'm a really friendly person. And some guys won't even say hi in the halls. This is really disturbing, it like if she was with me I know they'd be all nice. It's just not fair!!

I was even in a store recently where this lady has seen both my sister and I. I guess she forgot seeing us both because she sees my sister more. My sister sees her more now. But one day I was buying something and I had on makeup both just a regulary outfit and she said to me you look so different dressed down. I said I think you have me mixed up with my sister. She felt so bad after that I could tell. That just shot me down. Because I did have on some makeup. It was just saying I didn't look very good.

Answer 1

Just because her life seems wonderful, it may not be. Trust me, being attractive isn't all it's cracked up to be. Having people look at you/check you out/hit on you all the time is overrated...and after awhile, you start to enjoy the attention and become addicted to it. It's like a ridiculous, unhealthy, never ending game.

Who cares if that one guy doesn't like you? There are millions of other ones out there.

If those people just care about the outer appearance, then they're not very great people to begin with.

Answer 2

"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!"
...Sorry, sort of reminds me of the Brady Bunch.

Hon, she's 2 1/2 years older than you... A lot can change in 2 1/2 years. You could find a boyfriend. You could become engaged. You could get married. You could decide on having a baby... You need to start shaping up your own life instead of wishing to live your sister's. But the first step? You need to boost your self-esteem. You can't (truly) change your age, but perhaps changing your physical appearance (your weight seems to bother you the most) will help with your self-esteem. I don't know how much you've tried losing weight, I don't know if you inherited a slow metabolism or have underlying health conditions, and I really hope if you will lose weight, you won't undergo a dangerous route such as anorexia, but even the heavier can be beautiful and attract positive attention. Put on some make-up without looking like a clown, wear classy clothes... or at least give it a try, if you haven't already. You need to find ways to emphasize a positive, unsulky YOU instead of hanging onto hopes of being your sister. I suppose you can use her as an example... but what I'm saying is try to not worry about being HER. You two are different women who lead different lives. Do something about your own life; take the initiative.

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Another thing... I think you might need to do something or go somewhere different to help step out of your sister's shadow... If you can.

Answer 3

You can start to believe in your attractiveness more and then you can get over the jealousy of your sister. As you said, you used to look like twins, so that logically speaking means you are just as attractive (outwardly) as your sister. I don't think growing up means you suddenly turn ugly whereas she stays beautiful? Nonono... but anyway, she probably has more self-confidence than you, and that is the differentiating factor. From your description, I can tell that you are beautiful as well... just that other people's perception doesn't match what you feel.

As an aside, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and apart from physical beauty, inner beauty often means more than the physical beauty, and also the attitude of the person may matter even more. By the way, I think you have inner beauty because you really love your sister even though you are jealous of her! That takes a big heart.

Ok, so overall, remember that you are just as beautiful as your sister, if not more.

Answer 4

This isn't about her, it's about you.

You have a lot of work to do on yourself. People unknowingly respond to our insecurities. You're probably putting out vibes that you aren't worthy and people are reacting to it. You should take some time to focus on you and find out what'll make you feel happy and worthy.

It may be losing the weight or it may just be learning to love the body you have now. Find the things that make you feel beautiful and dive into them. Find a hobby or some activity that has nothing to do with your sister that you can claim as your own.

Given time, you'll find your balance and beauty and others will see it too.

Answer 5

Don't put yourself down like that.
When you look into the mirror next time instead of noticing all of the things that you dont like about yourself, notice the things that look beautiful on you. Make a list and every time you feel like your sister is better than you look at your list and smile! :)
Also, those looks that people are giving, they probably don't even mean anything, you are overanalyzing it too much.
Relax and think about the good not the bad things in your life!

Answer 6

I used to be jealous of my sister. She was funnier than me, more beautiful than me, and had gorgeous blonde hair. After trying for years to be like her, including some pretty disastrous experiments with hair dye, I discovered that it was okay to be myself. And that as long as I liked myself for the person I was, so did other people! The secret is accepting things that you cannot change, and changing that which you can. If you are unhappy with your weight, than you may want to join a gym, work out, eat healthier. Do it so that you can be happy with yourself though, and not because you want to be more like your sister. I bet you are probably a pretty great person just the way you are!

Answer 7

I had that same problem growing up. I was jealous of my niece. She would get all the boys and I wouldn't have anybody. It seemed like everything always went her way, she never got in trouble, always got all the attention, I mean u name it she got it. I had low self esteem for a long time. I even went through a little bout with depression. Then I realized I was looking at myself all wrong. I had better grades than her, a bigger but, actual friends, plus I was happier than her. Once I stopped thinking I had to compete with her and just live I was much better. My niece is 1 year older than me. Now I'm the happily married one with 4 children. She has 1 child, unmarried, waiting on the baby's daddy to make up his mind on what he wants to do with his life. I'm not saying I'm glad with whats going on in her life, I'm just saying its not quite how I thought we would end up. I love my niece dearly, we grew up like sisters. Just live your life for you. I know what its like to be "the ugly one" but thats something you will have to deal with within yourself because truthfully, even if you were her you would find flaws within yourself same as you do now. To answer your question, yes you will get over the jealousy. Keyword YOU. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Jealousy usually comes from a lack of trust in yourself. Reading your text I believe that it is an issue with you. Instead of focussing on your sister, think about yourself. Find confidence in yourself, become stronger and let the world know. People are attracted to confident, strong people. It's in you, you just need to go and take it out.

Answer 9

you can't think about trying to be her. put more into being you. try working out. don't focus on trying to be like her, try being the best you that you can be. you can't care about what she looks like, because that's probably why you let yourself go. because you were so focused on her, you didn't pay attention to what was happening to you. try to lose some weight, drink a lot of water, before, after, and during meals. if you feel the need for a snack, drink some milk untill you get full. it will make you feel less hungry. you can't wish on something that won't happen unless you act on your wishes.

Answer 10

Honey get over it. Move on. We are all as beautiful as we feel (well--to a certain extent.) I've seen common women exude confidence in their own sexuality that surpasses an exceptional looking woman's appeal, and vice versa. Your never going to get anywhere with your attitude. Grow. Be live in yourself and so will others.