Is my $3000 contribution enough for my only daughters wedding?

Question

I'm 50 years old and the Vice President of a bank. My wife and I are worth close to $500,000 in assests. The average wedding in my state costs $22,000. Please answer honestly. Thank you.

She is 27 years old and her first and hopefully only wedding. She's been with her fiancee for 7 years. They are scraping together $5K and his parents are contributing $5K.

They're inviting 150 people...100 will probably attend.

Answer 1

Not really. It is your only daughter's wedding and traditionally the bride's family pays for a larger portion of the wedding. It really is not fair but that is how it seems to go. Some grooms family do foot more of the bill as do more of the bride and grooms.

I would really talk to your daughter about this. Since you do make a good salary you should maybe put more like $10-15,000 towards the wedding.

Sit down with you wife, daughter and yourself and discuss it. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Well I was going to say that it depends on your income and the cost of the wedding. Honest answer, no. Also depends on family traditions. In some cultures it is appropriate for the brides family to pay for the entire wedding (the old fashioned premise being that the husband will support her for the rest of her life); in some the responsiblity falls on the husbands family (the old fashioned premise being that she will take care of her husband for the rest of her life.) Nowadays, everyone contributes according to their means. If the kids (your daughter and her hubby) made decent salaries, then it might be expected that all four of you (her family too) pay equal shares or fair percentages.

As it is you are contributing less that 1/4 the cost. Is that fair given all the other parties incomes?

Of course, the big question is what is the reasonable cost of a wedding that they can afford? $22,000 seems a little high. It could be that it's being planned beyond the means of the parties involved...in which case, the kids need to be told. (Or maybe your contributions limit what they can do.)

Answer 3

I guess I'd at least match what everyone else is pitching in, but not a penny more. If your daughter is 27 and has been "engaged" for 7 years, she and her fiancee should have been saving more if they wanted a big wedding. You do not "owe" anybody a huge wedding just because they want it. At age 27 the marrying couple should be established in their careers and doing well financially. This idea of having to have a HUGE "dream" wedding etc. is a load of crap foisted on the American public by the wedding industry. A big wedding does not make it any more sacred, long lasting or special than a smaller one. I have informed both my kids (one son, one daughter) as to my views on huge wedding expenses. My wife agrees, she and I paid for out wedding because at the time my in-laws were flat broke and we did not expect them to contribute anything....we had a beautiful, intimate wedding and are still married 24 years later.

Answer 4

Okay. How old is your daughter? Is she and her fiance paying for the wedding themselves? If they are working professionals and are paying for their own $22,000 wedding, then I think a gift of $3000 is fine. I wouldn't do it as a contribution, but I would offer to pay for their honeymoon instead.
If your daughter is young and $22,000 is an unreachable sum for her and her fiance to come up with within a year, then perhaps you should re-think the contribution. Are his parents putting in money as well? Is your daugher perhaps planning a more informal affair?
My whole wedding cost about $5000, I had 90 guests and it was lovely, so it's possible to have a wedding that costs significantly less than 22k.

Answer 5

Your daughter is grown at age 27 her and her finacee should be established in their careers and if you say they are scraping together $5,000 and his parents are paying for $5,000 and you and your wife are paying $3,000 - That alone is $13,000.

I think your daughter and her fiancee can have very nice wedding for that as a budget. I am getting married July 2007 and our whole wedding including pay for the Brides Maids/Groomsmen attire is under $5,000. There are some simple DIY projects that you could offer to help your daughter with to help her stay within in the Budget such as doing the invitations now they sell sets everything needed included. Consider venues that aren't full service you'll save by being able to shop around for the best price/service rather than having to be locked into a vendor. My wedding reception is going to be at the Fire Station we both work for we have a HUGE hall in a building less than a year old and the normal rental fee is only $100 to the public. One benefit is if it is inclement weather the Firefighters will pull the trucks out for you and allow the limos and other cars to pull in to the bays to drop people off.

Traditional Buffet style meals are cheaper than sit down served meals and this allows guests to decide what they want to eat and how much a good thing for children or those on diets for helath reasons.

My wedding cake is coming from BJs our local wholesale club - the bakers are trained as bakers and many have worked at other bakeries. They can do wonderful cakes but you have to be willing to discusse it with them this how Walmart and most grocery stores got into doing wedding cakes by demand. My cake is simple 4 tiers of their large round cakes they sell for $10.99 I had to buy the supplies to do the layers (cheap from craft store) but an excellent deal.

Answer 6

It is tradition for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. These days it doesn't always happen like that, but it sounds as though you could afford to chip in more. Especially since this is her first wedding, and like you said hopefully it only happens once. $3000 won't really buy a whole lot for a wedding. It might cover the cost of the location. So if you can afford to give her more and you are close and all you might do that, because after all if it is her only wedding why not make it a great one?

Answer 7

$22,000!!! Wow, you must either live on the left or right coast.

Both of our wonderful daughters' receptions were less than $5,000 each. We had beautiful receptions at very nice places, but there was no catered, sit-down dinner, no band or wedding singer - just wedding cake, mints, nuts, and punch. Both daughters and the inlaws thought everything was very nice.

A few of our friends thought that we could have - and should have - done more. But, the majority of our friends congratulated us on keeping it simple. Several said that they wished that they had the "courage" to do what we did. It's not about courage - it's about not getting all caught up in the "once in a lifetime" mentality and playing "entitlement" with the bride-to-be.

Could we have afforded more? Sure. But, we wanted to focus on the important part of the day which was the wedding ceremony itself. Huge elaborate receptions tend to detract from that.

Locally, we have a resort-hotel that will do the whole thing for $40,000. It's very nice. And, to me and my family, totally unecessary.

Answer 8

You didn't say how old your daughter is and if this is her first wedding or not.

I paid for my wedding. It was my second marriage and my wifes first. We didn't ask for money or anything from her parents because I was doing pretty good.

If your daughter is doing good and her soon to be husband is also, then the 3k contribution should be more than enough. If you are feeling guilty for not giving her more, then help out with the honeymoon.
Kids these days expect the parents to pay for everything and then when the marriage goes bad, they blame it on everything except for them.
I have a child from my first marriage and would contribute to her wedding, but cannot aford to pay for the entire thing, so she will either have to scale it down or pay for most of it herself.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Hi there, I got married in March and our wedding cost about $15000 not including the honeymoon. My father contributed $3000 and my mother about $2500 (including our wedding gifts). I think that was extremely generous of them but they just contributed what they could afford. If you can afford $3000 and thats what you feel you should contribute then that is enough. If you feel you should contribute more and are able to do so then contribute more. Perhaps talk to your daughter and her fiance about it as well and tell them that this is what you can comfortably afford to contribute. Or you could offer to pay for items as they choose them if that works better for you all. I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding regardless :)

Hope that helps a little
Angie

Answer 10

Yes! It isn't your place to pay for her wedding the fact that you are willing to help is amazing! I'm 30 and we haven't asked our parents for any money (We have 100 guests invited but, only 92 of these are attending) I have a strict 7000 budget because I'm stubborn and am proving it can be done we could have spent more but, I didn't want too. Your daughter may have to be a little more creative but, if she needs more money she can plan a later date. Don't feel you have to pay!! My fiance and I have also agreed not to accept money from our parents for this as it is our event our way.