Why would my 12 year old step son urinate down his wall? This is the second time he has done it.?

Question

About 2 months ago, just after lights out at bed time, my step son was caught urinating on his wall/chimney in his upstairs befroom. After a modest punishment and plenty of my tirades, I thought he learned his lesson. Evidentally not. He just did it again tonight. This time, it was WELL before bedtime. Disturbing thing is...the bathromm is just 10 stairs and steps away from his bedroom. There is other behavior that he exhibits, that I consider not normal. Like, eating and drinking every meal in his bedroom, and leaving the garbage and leftover food in his room for DAYS on end. Sleeping in the droppings from meals in his bed. Not quite yet learning the whole "wipe your butt" technique after defacating. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!By the way, my wife thinks that ALL of these behaviors are normal "kid" things. Is she right? HELP!!

Answer 1

Jason, There is definitely something disturbing him emotionally.
A Bully at school, adjusting to your authority, depression.
It could be many things. No, his urination on the wall is not acceptable. At 12, he is either entering or has already entered puberty, which has it's own set of issues.
You need to have a talk with him, in a father/son tone and setting.
Without judging him, without anger...you need to talk to him and tell him first of all that you love him and are concerned about what is going on. Sometimes, we don't realize that kids can feel isolated and alone, even though we believe we are on top of things. Ask him why he thinks he does this.
If you automatically accuse him in anger, he will shut off and close down communication with you.
Taking your 12 year old to counseling might be a good idea.
In this way, he is talking to someone 'outside' the family...someone who he does not feel threatened by emotionally.
He will be free to say many things to the counselor and you may be able to get down to the bottom of things.
There are counselors who are free via state agencies, low income counseling and full fee counseling available in your hometown.
The first step was your asking for help and answers.
There is no shame, none in asking for help from counseling and therapy. The most important thing of all is your son's emotional health, and being an active responsible member of the family.
Therapy, or counseling will allow you to get to the bottom of this issue, give you the tools to work with your boy and get things to a happy place at home.
Kids have so much going on in their lives these days. I know this issue makes you angry and is causing friction between you and your wife...but try to get to some help fast so that this does not become an issue that cannot be fixed.
Your son is crying out for help. Many people will call this crying out for attention. He is begging your attention in the wrong way because he has some big issues that he apparantly cannot communicate to you.
He more than likely is not doing it out of hate and malice, and if he is you will find out the reasons via counseling.
Be patient, you are doing exactly the right thing when you ask for help.
Explore the resources in your hometown.
There are community hotlines in every city. Call them and they can refer you someplace. Don't wait, the situation will not go away on it's own.
I wish you all the best. Hey...it isn't easy being a dad. And doubly hard on those who become dads to someone else's children.
Keep up the good work!! It's appreciated.

Answer 2

No your wife is wrong this is not normal. Okay maybe eating and being messy in his room that is normal teenage things. But at the point where he doesn't leave his room to go the bathroom this could be the begining signs of a serious disorder. Like agrophobia, you should talk to your wife and just give and agree for one visit to a counsler/therapist. I bet after that visit the therapist is going to report back with the need for some more counseling...something is going on in your kids head. Not to mention my 6 y.o. has conqured the wipe techinque.

Luckily your not living in blissful ignorance and see this, do you child a favor and seek counseling. Please.

Answer 3

As a counselor these are all very disturbing signs and are by no means normal. Get him to a Therapist as soon as possible. The last thing you want is for these behaviors to continue and or escalate.

I know you said the first time he urinated was 2 months ago, but when did the other behaviors begin?

Answer 4

first thing to remember is to stay calm, my possibility is nothing more than speculation. If the boy has been using the bathroom normally, and suddenly there is a sharp regretion into behaviors long ago ceased, the first thing that popped into my head is a paper I did in psychology class. my sources stated that such behavior as the boy is exibiting gives warning of possible sexual abuse. If he will not exit his room it is quite possible that the assailant could live in//close to the house. If you have observed any strange behavior in those around you or you would like to just totally shoot this whole guess outta the water, have a physician examine him for any signs of abuse

Answer 5

Yes I would question the uinating problem but the eating and leaving the "droppings" in bed when you sleep can be considered normal. Yes kids do eat in their rooms if everything they "need" is in there such as televisions, video games, computers. That is one of the reasons WHY those sorts of things should be REMOVED from the bedrooms an brought to the living rooms/family rooms of the home.

Answer 6

this isnt normal behaviour at all.

at 12 years old he should know better. sounds to me like he is just being lazy or it could be something else bothering him. how long have you been with your partner. do you get along with him is there anything troubling him.

my cousins mum died and he is around the same age and would wet the bed on purpose and has also pooped the bed too. it may be a sign of rebellion or a sign of wanting attention as with my cousin. when his mum died he was sent miles away to live with his fathers grandparents who he never knew and sent to a different school. stress and other things can affect a childs behaviuor.

if there isnt a problem then maybe you should take him to see a doctor.

Answer 7

None of those things are normal kid things for a 12 y/o. Your wife needs to realize her kid needs some help and some discipline. Perhaps taking him to counseling might be a good idea. But, for sure you should ban him eating/drinking in his room - no tv in the room, etc.

Answer 8

Your kid is more confused with his own life than you are confused with his life. I think the family needs counseling. Counseling because you need to work together on this problem or problems. Or you need to at least have some understanding of the problem before you can begin to solve it.
Also, as a young kid like yours, I had a lot of fear, and I had a powerful fantasy that went along with the fear. My father at that time could not understand my glazed eyes at that time, but years later I understand better myself.
First, the problems I had were about the problems that my mother and dad had and the problems of communication and disagreement between them, and there was one more thing that was deeply involved in the problem which was my physical condition, which was very troubling to me.
My asthma was a hard to deal with as a kid because I was disabled to some extent part of the time without any understanding on my part of what was going on with me.
My father was rough and for good reasons. He was raised by tough bachelors who taught him everything the hard way. So, my situation living in the East Bay Area of San Francisco seemed overly soft to him, plus he was very needy. He wanted the attention and love that I was getting from my mother.
You might even say he was jealous of me.
Of course, as a 12 year old, I was in no position to comprehend what was going on with me. I was more confused than my mother and father. And this point, is my point, to you.
It does not take much to scare a kid. He may be more afraid of you than he is of walking to the bathroom. Why, because of a wild imagination feeding on confusion and fear within the kid.
The kid may be seeing monsters in the shadows, or he maybe afraid of the bathroom because of smells, coldness and no comfort. Bathrooms can be very intimidating to a kids, enough to scare the pee right out of a kid that is unsure of himself anyway. Remember, the kid does not understand any of this.
12 year olds are not like adults. They see the world completely differently. Your rants and raves are a sign, of your frustration, but your kids reaction to your actions are a measure of his confusion.
Get some good counseling for your family and each of you from professionals. You can handle this if you will just work to understand it. My father did many years ago, and it saved all the kids from early deaths in my estimation.
(He quit drinking. God bless his soul. And for twenty years he was a good father and friend to his kids.
Drinking was only one symtom of the problem, but by quiting, he was able to deal with many of his other problems.)

Answer 9

She is most certainly not right and this is not normal behavior. You need to see a child psychologist right away. These are actually symptoms of being a sociopath. They tend to be very territorial and will "mark" said territory with urine and feces.

Answer 10

holy -mackerel - SO sorry to hear that - he needs some professional help
goodness - i really feel sorry
i hope things get better for u
good luck and take the " man" role in the relationship - if it's worth it.
u have every right to take "things" into your own hands .
please, do NOT torture ur self .
sometimes "single women" tend to spoil their kids and there is not a thing u can do about it.
again - - - good luck