can you please help me with my crisis of faith?

Question

It all started when I was little and I was molested on several occasions by someone who was close to me (who has now passed away) I have since then try my best to live as a straight, heterosexual person,
but I cannot deny that I have homosexual desires in me.
While I don’t know if I am homosexual because I was molested or if I was born that way, this is not the crisis of faith I am having here. I know that it is god’s command to not live that way and no matter the “reason” I am to live in live in his will. My faith in god is too strong to have homosexual desires separate me from god.
But here is crisis of faith:
About 4 months after the molestation stopped I started to have this re-occurring dream where I was on this mountain and I could hear jesus’s voice calling my name. Each time I would follow his voice calling me and eventually I would find him and when I walked up to we would sit there
and I would talk to him about all kinds of things, like how my life had been going

and he would tell me about his will for my life and how he would always be there to guide me through it all.
I always loved that part of it. Everything he said made me feel warm inside and everything seemed so clear. It felt amazing to be there talking to Jesus, face to face experiencing him. It felt beyond words
But this is the part I have never been able to reconcile. Almost always at the end of the dream Jesus would take my hand and place it on his leg and look me in the eye say “I love you, my son.” He would then start to slowly coerce me into homosexual acts with him. In my dream it always seemed like it just happened, like I had no control of what was going on, like I was watching a movie. I have never been able to figure out what to make of it. Everytime I have told someone about it they would call me ignorant and tell me that it was just a dream, and that , if anything, it was satan that was making me dream that.

I cannot believe that satan is powerful enough to make feel that I had seen the real living god like I always felt I had at the beginnings of those dreams. I swear to you, as sure as I feel god in my heart, I had felt the awesomeness of jesus’s prescence.
Though the dreams have stopped, I have wrestled with the implications of them for a while now. I feel like my faith has been crushed. I mean, if it was him, how can it be? God himself in his word says that homosexuality is something that displeases him. If I know anything about jesus, it is that he would not be indisagreement with the father’s command. But if it is, does that mean that when I go to heaven I will have to endure this kind of relationship with Jesus. I feel spiritually drained over the whole thing and am having a hard time having the same 100% faith in God’s word.

The best I can figure is that it is my best bet to believe and have faith in God and even if I have to endure that kind of relationship with jesus for all that time in heaven, I will still be able to spend my eternity in heaven in God’s unwavering goodness. But if I don’t, then I will spend eternity away from god’s presence (in hell) or just plain dead if it doesn’t exist I guess it is kind of like pascal’s wager. But this just hasn’t been sufficient enough for me to firmly put my faith back in God.

Can someone help me explain this, encouraging words, bible verses? Please!!!

Answer 1

Could it be that it really was Jesus who was comforting you and making you feel comfortable with yourself as a gay person? The quote is that if a man leaves his natural affection for a woman and lies with a man it is an abomination. This does not mean that being gay is wrong. It means that if you are straight and have a natural affection for a woman, then go and have sex with a man you are sinning. You have in that case become untrue to yourself. Jesus would want you to be true to who you are and your dream is meant to bring you closer to God by accepting yourself for who you are.

Answer 2

I believe Victronia is right about your dreams. They are a direct result of your being molested. Sometimes I have dreams where someone slowly turns into someone else. I think that is quite common. Perhaps your image of Jesus turned into the one who did sexual things to you. I only can tell you that it is only a dream. I don't think Satan apeared to you or anything like that, I think it is just a dream. The real Jesus would never do that. As far as eternity goes, in heaven there is no sex.(Matthew 22:30) People are niether striaght or gay in heaven. I'm so glad to hear you say your faith in God is too strong to have desires separate you from Him. We should all have faith like that! If you can't help having homosexual feelings, please don't worry about that or anyone who will judge you if they know. What's most important is your relationship with Jesus in your waking life. My best advice is pray always to Him. Let Jesus be your confidant and best friend. No one can love you more than Him. When He was on the cross He felt your pain as well as that of all innocent children who are mistreated. Other than that, the best words of encouragement I can offer is to let you know you will always be in my prayers. I sincerly mean that. Let me also say that I truly respect you for your honesty in coming forward about this. I hope I speak for all when I say your friends here at this web site care about you and will always be here to answer your questions and help as best we can. God Bless you, helio462.

Answer 3

You can be absolutely sure that anything that contradicts the Word of God is not from God. The Bible tells us to try the spirits to see whether they are of God or not. (I John 4:1)

We know that homosexuality is strictly forbidden in the Bible. Therefore, the person you are dreaming about is not the true Jesus. In these last times in which we live there Will be many false prophets who claim to be Jesus.

BEWARE!!!

Your "feelings" are never evidence of the truth. Only God's Word stands as true.

Answer 4

If this is true, I believe that Jesus is trying to help you through these dreams. Try this. Every time you have this dream, once you wake up, try to remember what you talked about with him and write as much as you can remember down in a notebook or something along with the date of the night you had the dream. After a week or so to a month of time, read the recordings from beginning to end and see if they flow together. They might help you on your problem.

Answer 5

First of all, Helio I'd like to say peace be unto you. The dream that you were having was definitely, not of GOD nor from him.
That was a stronghold from Satan; a delusion that was sent because the doorway of homosexuality was opened due to your being molested as a child. You should repent and ask the LORD to cleanse and renew your mind, spirit, body and soul.

Remember Satan, can come as a angel of light to seduce a man from the faith. His sole purpose is to seek whom he may devour.
The spirit of homosexuality is an abomination before GOD, and he will in no means contradict his own Word. That dream you had was not from GOD, but was from Satan to keep you bound with homosexual tendancies, and guilt so that you may doubt the WORD of the LORD get your deliverance and believe on Jesus Christ whom he has sent.

Peace,

Hope

Answer 6

I must first say that after reading your other questions (some resolved and some still open) that you are definetely dealing with several issues. Your wide range of topics concern me.

You state in other places of your disbelief in The Bible and Christianity and even say you agree with the atheists. Another concern after reading those is the genuinity of this question.

If you are telling the truth and this dream really happened as you have said, I believe that I have the answer for you according to The Word of God.

First, our Heavenly Father has a Father's heart in that He wants a intimate and a passionate relationship with His Kids. He loves us so very much.

St. John 15th chapter talks about that He is the True Vine and we are the branches. If we abide in Him (affectionately, passionately, and intimately), then He will abide in us.

I want to imply that Jesus really is calling you to Himself in a affectionate, intimate, and passionate relationship with Him. We are to be In Him and He will be in us. Almost sounds like intercourse, doesn't it? It's better than intercourse as we know it. There is a place in the spirit that we can live everyday like this. It's a sensual experience and you can feel the most awesomest presence of The Almighty God who created all the heavens and the earth and everything that is within them. It's much better that the highest high, much better than the most intense earthly sexual climatic orgasm. I mean, who are we that a God of His Magnitude would allow us to enjoy such?...but He does because He loves us and desires that we love Him and move toward His direction. It all starts with our decision to do so. He has already done all He can do for us except He will not make us decide to accept Him. It's your choice and if you wanna continue to deny Him (Jesus), then as you deny Him before men He says in The Word that He will deny you before The Father.

I believe the dream to be real and Jesus is calling you to love on Him, taste Him and see that He is good, to touch Him and embrace Him so that He can you as well. To experience the love of our Father in heaven, we have to go through Jesus for He is The Truth, The Light, and The Way.

Man, you are troubled and it's never going to get any better for you until you first make a valuable decision to pursue that kind of relationship with Him. He knows all about you, your deepest thoughts, all your desires, and your secrets too. But several people have ministered some good words to you, It's time to pay attention and change course.

You were not born homosexual. God does not create homosexuals...homosexuality is taught not inherited. A airplane pilot is not born already knowing how to fly a plane, he is taught to do that. You say you have read your Bible several times....when are you going to start believing that Bible because you know the Bible does not teach that garbage.

When you were molested, there is a transferrence of demonic oppressing spirits that takes place. Thats why that many rape victims and many who suffer molestation are oppressed and depressed. Many wind up as alchoholics and dopers, many in jail...it's just so unbearable to deal with. I'm not implying that you are demon possessed, but those kind of spirits have been assigned to oppress you.

Those situations can be broken but you have to be sincere and truly want to be rid of them in your life. I suggest that you call this ministry toll free number at 1-800-600-7395 and be sincere and honest with the person on the other end. These are people who are sincere, knowledgeable of The Word, who prays the prayer of faith as a lifestyle. These spirits can be broken from you and you can be free of these things, but you have to make the decision and make the call. Ask them to follow up often with you, give them permission to do so and they will. If you'll take their lead, your life will start to change very quickly. I hope this helps. PEACE!!!

Answer 7

If you have a Pastor, I would strongly encourage you to speak with him about this. Also, you should seek the help of a mental health professional, preferably one who is Christian - they ARE out there. (to deal with the abuse in your past)
We all have bizarre dreams, sometimes very unsettling ones, but it seems obvious to me that this dream is directly related to the abuse you experienced. Your abuser was close to you, and who else is closer to us than our Savior? Someone that should have provided comfort and safety for you took advantage and abused you instead. In your dream that is what is happening, is it not? Christ has promised that you are redeemed/saved and in the dream that promise and trust is broken and betrayed, like the molestation in real life. You must remember that Satan is called the great deceiver for a reason. His trademark is NOT to tell outright blatant lies, but to twist the truth. I applaud your efforts to follow God's commands and encourage you to remember what you have been given through faith: forgiveness. Even inappropriate desires are sin (even for a "straight" married man to desire someone other than his wife), but we are all new in Christ. While we still suffer the burden (as Paul says in the New Testament) of doing what I do not will and not doing what I will, because we still live in a world (and a physical body) tainted by sin. There is none righteous, no, not one. Please do not flee from Christ's gifts. At Christ's return there will be "a new heaven and a new earth" and we will be given a new body, a body free from sin. While you are not responsible for being molested, you still feel guilt and shame. So, in our human desire to be good enough to "deserve" the salvation that is freely given to us, you feel unworthy and so now you doubt. But we are all unworthy. That is Christ's glory, that he FIRST loved us and died for payment of our sin and redeemed us. That we will be reconciled to God. That is our great hope and the promise that was made. Job suffered beyond what we can imagine. Satan was allowed to do all kinds of things to him and his family. We never understand all the ways in which God works, because God does not use human understanding. Satan does try to twist things so that OUR understanding becomes truth, but our understanding is not God's. I know you wonder how you could experience such wonderful feelings during the beginning of your dream, but our unconscious mind is capable of a great many things and could comingle so many ideas and feelings and apply it in such a way that it seems supernatural, but aren't dreams in and of themselves supernatural in a way? Please remember the promises of God and remember also, that the promises of men are nothing compared to the promises of God. Men are sinful and capable of all manner of deceit, but God is not. God will not fail you. God will not deceive you. God will not trick you. I will pray for you.

Answer 8

Sorry, I'm not sure what good verses that may help. However, it could be satan. Remember, the bible does say that satan can appear as an angel of light. So that's my bet.

or

Maybe Jesus didn't intend the "gay" part as a homosexual act, but just comforting you.

Answer 9

I remember when I came back to Christ after straying from a childhood conversion, I too would have sexual thoughts about Jesus. These were not dreams mind you but actual thoughts in my head. I was having thoughts about giving Jesus a BJ while He was on the cross! I felt horrible. I knew that if I was to die right then I would go to Hell! But as I began to learn more about Jesus and exactly what He has finished I began to know that I had nothing to fear. As you live your life of faith, forgiving others without them even asking, not expecting them to love you in return for your love, giving of you time, talent and treasure, you will see God doing this very thing for you. He forgives you before you even ask, he will love you when you don't feel loving and He never leaves you nor forsakes you.
And your right, God does say that homosexuality is a sin. Just like adultery, sex before marriage, divorce for no reason, and many more.
I am a heterosexual man who loves women. I would like to have sex with many more women besides my wife, I mean I was born with this desire to have sex with women. Just because I have these desires doesn't mean that I have to act on them. I would love to have an emotional relationship with more than one woman, to be loved by another woman would be fantastic. But alas this is wrong.
You do not have to deny that you have homosexual feelings or desires, and they may be genetic who knows, but does it make it right for the rest of us that you act on them? Should I destroy my family by my womanizing and destroy my childrens happiness and there ability to function in society. Niether should you go on the path of destruction. Jesus will help you stay away from those seducers who entice you ino thier bed, you know who they are. Jesus is the one who truley loves you. Seek to know him through the study of scripture, perservere and be wary of thoughts and people who tell you to give up. The decision to follow Jesus is one decision you will never regret.

Answer 10

check out James 1, espeacially verses 12-18. be encouraged to persevere through this test of your faith.