Is it ok??

Question

See add'l details.

If you came hom a little early one night(you were supposed to be gone until the next night) and saw your son and his girlfriend sleeping in eachother's arms, would you assume they had sex?? Would you say anything to them?? Would you make her go home?? He was in boxers, and her in a bra and panties. Would you assume they had sex or just fell asleep??
They are both 16. What exactly would you do or say?? Would you listen to you child??
Would you be mad at your son or his g/f?? Would you ever let them be alone together or see eachother again??
WOuld you wait to tell them you were home until they woke up in the morning and saw you sitting at the table eating?? Would you be suprised?? Mad?? Upset?? or happy??
Would you tell him you no longer trust him alone or blame yourself for going out of town??
Would you call her parents?? Would you ground him??

Should I be pretty sure they had sex?? I don't want to be mad at him if it wasn't. Does it seem like they did tho??

Answer 1

Well, I would certainly blame myself for leaving my child unattended while i was away, esepcially when he obviously wasnt ready for such a responsibility.

I'd be angry with both of them, mostly with my son for knowing better, yet still doing something so reckless.

No, i wouldnt trust them alone together again, certainly not for a very very long time, if ever at all. And i certainly wouldnt trust him alone with any other girlfriend until i knew he had an epiphony and change of heart in how he handled himself and regarded his standards.

i'd also have a long talk with his girlfriend, and with her parents.

..it really sounds like you got yourself in a big mess.

Answer 2

Yes - I would assume they had sex. Even if they didn't - it's apparent that it is where the relationship was/is going.

I would turn on a light and sit down - blocking the doorway. I don't think I'd be mad at my son or his girlfriend. I would be more mad at myself for giving them the opportunity to do it.

At this point - it's more about his and her safety then sex. The deed has most likely been done and you should deal with that rather then whether they had sex or not. Are they doing it for the right reasons? Are they using protection? Are they being safe? Have they been tested for STDs? Are they ready for the responsibility that sex requires?

I would not let them be alone together in my home without supervision. I would much rather them be in my sights then sneaking around though and therefore I would not ban him from seeing her.

Answer 3

I also have a 16 year old son. I think you need to be more open with him.. Chances are that they may have had sex. I know that my son has. I asked him out right and he told me. I then gave him the speech again for the 40th time about using protection and how it can ruin their life at this age to have a baby and that he should never listen to a girl if she tell him that is on the pill and that he don't need to use protection. They lie ask my nephew he had a baby with a17 year old girl last week and she said she was on the pill she just forgot to tell him she missed a few days. You are not going to stop your son from having sex but you can maybe stop him from becoming infected or being a father. First by understanding and not screaming at him about it. Not throwing the girl out but by talking with him openly. He may lie to you at first as i think you probably scared the s hit out of them. My daughter is 20 and has had sex partners and is not scared to tell us. Sex is only dirty if you tell yourself that. Screwing everyone is different. My oldest daughter waited for marriage after dating for 5 years and is now Divorced. Please don't be mad at him and go nuts talk with him about it and let him know you only want the truth, I am so close to my children and there friends and they all say that they wish that they could talk to there parents about things like they do with me. You can be the Ruler or the Friend.

Answer 4

The first assumption that I would have to make is that they had sex. I would wake them up and yes I would be mad,but I would have to listen to what they say. Even if I didn't believe them. I would let them know that her being there is not acceptable and it will never happen again and until they can prove that they can be trusted again they can not be left alone. Also I would tell my son that I couldn't leave him home alone again and if i had to be out of town he will to stay with family members or friends of mine. I also think I would let her parents know they have the right to know what their daughter is doing besides to enforce your rules her parents will also have know why you have these rules so that when he is visting her those rules can be abided by. I don't think I would blame myself because I trusted that my son would do the right thing and he proved me wrong . this is a time to learn a lesson for the both of you.

Answer 5

Yes I would assume they had sex, of course, I would ask him and tell him to look into my eyes and tell me the truth.
Yes I would be upset and mad that he is not trustworthy and is disrespecting your home
Yes I would tell her parents
Yes I would be more careful not to leave him alone until he is 18.
I would also have a talk with him about safe sex practices and the consequences of having sex: getting pregnant, getting an STD, getting involved emotionally at such a young age.

Answer 6

ok

first thing is to tell her parents what you saw, not what you think. let them deal with her and let her tell them the truth, they have the right to know what their little girl is up to.

ask your son - you shouldnt be imbarsed about it, just ask him for the truth.

once you get it, or even if you dont get the truth tell him to use a condom, you sadly cant stop him from having sex - but you can atleast advise and if nessicery give him a condom, that way no harm comes from it!

chances are they where just doing some very having petting, french kissing,

i think sex would be the next step for the two of them, if you dont like the idea of that then ground him now!

Answer 7

Did they have sex? Probably, but even if they didn't, it is completely inappropriate for them to be lying together in their underwear. Don't get caught up in arguing how far they went because whatever they did, they went too far and they have broken trust with you.

No, you should not trust them to be alone. They shouldn't go out alone or sit in the car alone either--because their heightened hormones have earned some precautions. How you go about making sure that he isn't unsupervised is up to you, but I would suggest that instead of telling him to break it off with this girl, tell him that obviously she is important to him and that you need to get to know her better. He can spend time with her in your home when you are home. He can take her to a public place with other friends (set time limits so that there isn't time for sitting alone in the car before or after). I would suggest that he not date her alone until he is 18 and even then with some guidelines if he is still living in your home.

All this should be said gently, kindly, and reasonably. None of this should be about anger. Really what he did is quite predictable even as it is unwise. Talk to him about how it is your responsibility to look out for his best interests and that you take that responsibility seriously.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

well, i can definetly tell you that they had sex. think about it when you were that age did you do things like that i know i did. think about if you really want your kid to be pissed off at you, you can sit there and lecture him and yell at him, but it won't stop him i bet you as soon as he can he will be doing it with her again. i would let him know that you came home early and saw him and his girlfriend in bed sleeping together and see if he tells you what was going on. he may lie to you he may tell you the truth you just have to try it and see.

Answer 9

First of all yes you need to let her parents know. maybe that will take the presure off of you cause they wont let their daughter see your son anymore. Second he is 16. Depending on your son, if he's never lied to you and he is telling you they didnt have sex then believe him. try to catch him again. losing trust in him so quickly is going to backfire on you trust me. and banning him from this girl is only going to make him hate you. just talk to him about safe sex. again he is a 16 year old male and weather you like it or not someday if not already he is going to have sex. just buy him a pack of condoms and hand them to him that is enough said. trust me the cool mom aproach is going to get him to trust you more and you will then know more about your son and his life. be open. and if he is having sex, their is nothing you can do about it. so let him be open to talking to you about it. It will make him comfortable around you. and there comes the truth again. good luck

Answer 10

i think you should sit down with your son, his girlfriend and her parents and all discuss this but dont be to hard but not to easy. i think that if you are tohard on them they are just going to sneak around behind your back anyways. if they are having sex you cant stop it from happing but you can inform them on being safe and what to do if an accident happens.