My 3 grown sons haven't spoken to me in over 2 years. They told me not to contact them ever again. I really don't understand why. When they were little, I was straict because I didn't want them to turn out badly. We lived in a low income neighborhood. They went to private schools and I kept them busy with sports, boy scouts and family activities. 2 of them are Captains in the US service and one is a troubled adult who suffers from diabetes and asthma. Especially this one I miss, as he was so sickly and we were forever together.
This really bothers me in the night, missing them so much I have dreams about them all the time. The one son told my mother that all I need to do is apologize, but says I know what for. I DON'T KNOW. They won't answer emails and changed their phones. Their father and I have been divorced for 17 years and they visit him all the time. Is there anything I can do besides pray for help?
2006-12-16 07:05:09 · 5 answers · asked by Cyndi 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Their father was atruck driver and gone all week long. They were old enough to understand 13, 11, and 10, that when he said the weekends were "his time" to golf and be with his friends, they weren't included. Not by my choice, by his. He has apologized now that they are grown and told them he wants to make time for them now.
2006-12-16 08:13:48 · update #1
That is a terrible thing to have to go through, especially when you cannot find out the problem. You have to understand, though, whatever has caused them to turn their backs on you is stronger than their desire to work out the problems with you. It won't be as simple as being too strict, or making them play sports or be scouts.
I would imagine this is about the divorce itself or the resulting strain on them from having divorced parents. If they choose to visit their father, but not you, it is possible they blame you for those things.
Until they are ready to let you back into their lives, though, your hands are somewhat tied. Focus your attention onto your daughters as best you can, keep a good relationship with them and try to not get discouraged. Your boys will be tortured by your absence, even if they don't feel it now, they will, and they will seek you out to make it right.
2006-12-16 07:42:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do your daughters have any relationship with their brothers? If they do, ask them to act as go-betweens to find out why your sons are so angry with you. It's hard to believe you have no idea, but if you want a relationship, apologize to them and don't have any high expectations of a close bond right away. Take it slow, and always respect their boundaries.
2006-12-16 15:17:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anji 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me the problem stems from what ever happened between you and your husband had a serious affect on your sons. You may need to start from there. It could be from their eyes; they seem to have experienced, you keeping them so busy, kept them away from him. It could be you spoke badly about him, and when they finally met him, all of what you said seems to be a lie. I can understand you wanted the best for them, but maybe the best for them was to have a father in their lives no matter what you felt about him, they needed him. Even if you thought they didn't.
2006-12-16 15:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
honey i been there and still going thru that. my mother told me they are the losers, some day they will realize what punks and brats they are being. don't lose any sleep over it. i know it is easier said than done. but you can do it. as long as they think they getting to you, they will continue it. do as i do. pray for the best and hope for the rest. i am sorry for you. merry christmas, and happy new year to you.
2006-12-16 17:05:08 · answer #4 · answered by waljac6108 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Email them and tell them you apologize , but also tell them you are unsure what you did. if they don't respond there is nothing you can do. I know it breaks your heart,but you can't change them and they need to grow up.
2006-12-16 15:37:37 · answer #5 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋