Ok well, me and my ex boyfriend broke up months ago and he has a new girlfriend. I am fine with it because I have moved on and am talking to other guys. He says hes a happy man and hes just fine with his new girl. Teh out of the blue he messaged me saying he loves me and wants to give us another try. I was a little confused because he claims hes happy. Anywayz, I basically ended up saying im over you and us would not be a good idea. So were friends and thats that! Next time, he said he wasnt really all that happy and stuff like that. Then the last time, I sent him a message saying I dont know if me and him should even be friends so he asks why? and I say because the drama or w/e and then I was like "Look, me and you can stay friends". So then he comes out of nowhere saying he loves me and he would drop everything for me...including his girl. He lost something and he cant get it back! So then he said "Maybe one day we can give this another chance". Im over him but do you think hes real?
2006-12-16 07:04:08 · 8 answers · asked by Baby Gurl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you ever hear of the fox who wanted the grapes but couldn't reach them? he tried, and tried, but when he discovered that they were too hard to get, he said they were probably sour anyway.
your ex and you broke up for a reason, don't know if it was mutual or if one or the other made it so.
both moving on states to me that it probably wasn't all that serious, or that hard to get over (i dunno)?
being 'just friends' with an ex is a thought full notion, but in my own experience it just hasn't worked for me. i really can't say that i know anyone that has done that, and it worked out.
seems to me that he thinks he can have you whenever he decides that it's a good thing for him, don't let him decide this for you. you might have to be harsh, but if you don't think that he is what you need, don't get back together.
i hope you search your heart, and do what is best for you, no one else.
2006-12-17 01:29:06 · answer #1 · answered by lil' angel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're already doing what I'd advise: communicate genuinely and gently with him. If he's actually still in love with you, he'll need time to work things out for himself. But you can help. Maybe there's nothing tangible in it for you, but you'll bank some good karma for yourself! ;-)
If he has some other motive for asking you to take him back, you'll be able to tell by talking to him, in person or on the phone - whichever's best for you. (You can't convey or discern real emotion in email or an IM.) Trust your instincts. Weigh the advice of trusted friends, family and others here, then decide what YOU want. It's your life and your choice.
And if you stay friends or even take him back, make sure you discuss what you each expect the relationship to be, now and in the future. Things will change. If you're worried he might dump you when he wants something else, tell him up front. Ask him to promise to always calmly, soberly tell you if he's unhappy with the relationship and promise the same to him. You should each identify your "must-have" or "dealbreaker" issues - faithfulness, respect you/others, having your "alone time," communication, keeping promises, drinking/drugs - and update each other if something else becomes important to you.
If your honesty will hurt him, cushion the blow as much as you can. The "You're a Great Guy But..." speech is okay, but make sure you say what YOU mean NOT what you think he wants to hear. If you need him to change to stay friends, say so. If nothing's really "wrong" with him but you simply feel you shouldn't be together, try to figure out why you think so and tell him. Whatever you feel is valid: maybe the past drama overshadows everything, or you can't trust him completely, or you need to meet other people to discover what you really want and you think he needs the same. If you just have no spark of love left for him, tell him he deserves someone who'll love him fully. You each deserve that.
Oops, sorry I got so wordy. Just communicate clearly and compassionately. Take care (and give care). ;-)
T
2006-12-16 16:34:27 · answer #2 · answered by T.E.N. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he views you as a revolving door. He decided that he only wants you because there is no one else at the time...but he will again hurt you when he finds the replacement. He says he wasn't all that happy with the other girl, probably more like she figured him out and was dumping him. And you are the safety net.... Nothing more nothing less.... hold your ground. Don't give him a chance to hurt you again.
2006-12-16 15:08:59 · answer #3 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby girl he might be real with he's for now, but later you guys might have problems again. He's just at a point right now were he is trying to figure it all out. In one hand he wants her and in the other hand he misses you. Right now you are doing the right thing. Just move on with yours and he will be fine. TRUST ME I AM A GUY!!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-16 15:12:24 · answer #4 · answered by Dr. Goldfish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he's a real putz. If you were together, he'd treat you just like he's treating his present girlfriend if someone more interesting to him came along.
2006-12-16 15:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow that must've been hard 4 u 2 not take him back, but I would say he more then likely is real.
2006-12-16 15:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion no..sounds like he is saying whatever he thinks you want to hear and when that doesn't work he says something different
2006-12-16 15:07:17 · answer #7 · answered by Tek ~aka~Legs! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is real...sometimes we don't know what we have, until we lose it..thing is...is it real for you?
2006-12-16 15:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by Katie Poo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋